Hey ho my fine-feathered fuckers, forgive me for my absence, but I’m back now and feeling better than ever!

Better than ever for me is not really saying much. It’s something, I guess.

So I’ve got a joke for you. If you are easily offended, please look away now and go read someone else’s blog.

Please note, I said, “please”.

Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Jesus is getting butt-fucked by Satan.

Satan is really giving it to him hard and Jesus turns around and asks Satan, “Is this heaven, or is this hell?”

Satan then looks up at Jesus and says, “I was just thinking the same thing.”

Ba-dum-bum.

Did I make you laugh?

Did I offend you?

Does it matter either way?

The joke is intentionally offensive; it’s meant to get a reaction.

The big laugh; if there is one, should be sparked by the opening line. It’s the humour of the outrageously uncomfortable.

Trust me, open your stand-up routine with this line and you will be greeted with a burst of nervous laughter followed by the stifled silence of people trying to contain their guilty guffaws.

The punchline, if you can call it that, is far more surreal and intellectual. It undermines the opening line because it requires the audience to think about what the joke is really saying.

What is heaven, what is hell? Could one person’s heaven be another person’s hell? Is there a heaven or a hell or for that matter was there really a Jesus? Is the Devil still in business? Was he ever?

The main thing is did I offend you? And if I did, what does it say about you?

We’re supposed to have free speech, but do we? Can I really post this joke in my blog and not expect some sort of reaction?

Well, probably not, because I remain largely undiscovered and underground. I’m the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of blah blah blah.

Are Christians going to take to the streets and start burning hippyeffigies? I think not.

Most people are strong enough in their beliefs not to allow the ravings of one mad hippy in north London to upset them.

Those who would be offended by my little stab at blasphemous, thought provoking humour, are the weak minded of our world. Their fragile belief system is such that there is no room for any possible doubts to be raised, satirical or otherwise.

Which is why I’m not making any jokes about a certain well-regarded Prophet, peace be upon him. I don’t want a fatwa on my ass!

But suppose, for the sake of a little speculative game playing, that someone stumbled upon this post and was offended.

Now, take it one step further and imagine this person, who is so offended, belongs to some right wing, fundamentalist Christian group in America.

Suddenly the link to my little blog is flying through cyberspace at the speed of light to all corners of the globe and before I know it, thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of crazed Christian warriors are out for my blessed hippyblood!

Egads! What’s a poor hippy to do?

I go into hiding, max out my credit cards, moving from one 5-star hotel suite to the next, checking in under assumed hippynames before ending up in Rome, where I would surrender to the Pope himself seeking sanctuary.

The Pope would invoke a long forgotten law of the papacy and have me put to death, ironically, by crucifixion.

With my beard and long hair, comparisons would undoubtedly be made, as the nailing of this hippy to a cross would be broadcast live, on every tv channel across the planet.

And when I reach the afterlife, after denying it’s existent for nearly my entire life; guess what happened?

I’ll find myself bent over, getting butt-fucked by Satan.

The universe does have a sense of humour. Even I’d be laughing at that eternal outcome!