The northlondonhippy

Hey ho my fine-feathered fuck­ers, for­give me for my absence, but I’m back now and feel­ing bet­ter than ever!

Bet­ter than ever for me is not really say­ing much. It’s some­thing, I guess.

So I’ve got a joke for you. If you are eas­ily offended, please look away now and go read some­one else’s blog.

Please note, I said, “please”.

Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Jesus is get­ting butt-fucked by Satan.

Satan is really giv­ing it to him hard and Jesus turns around and asks Satan, “Is this heaven, or is this hell?”

Satan then looks up at Jesus and says, “I was just think­ing the same thing.”

Ba-dum-bum.

Did I make you laugh?

Did I offend you?

Does it mat­ter either way?

The joke is inten­tion­ally offen­sive; it’s meant to get a reaction.

The big laugh; if there is one, should be sparked by the open­ing line. It’s the humour of the out­ra­geously uncomfortable.

Trust me, open your stand-up rou­tine with this line and you will be greeted with a burst of ner­vous laugh­ter fol­lowed by the sti­fled silence of peo­ple try­ing to con­tain their guilty guffaws.

The punch­line, if you can call it that, is far more sur­real and intel­lec­tual. It under­mines the open­ing line because it requires the audi­ence to think about what the joke is really saying.

What is heaven, what is hell? Could one person’s heaven be another person’s hell? Is there a heaven or a hell or for that mat­ter was there really a Jesus? Is the Devil still in busi­ness? Was he ever?

The main thing is did I offend you? And if I did, what does it say about you?

We’re sup­posed to have free speech, but do we? Can I really post this joke in my blog and not expect some sort of reaction?

Well, prob­a­bly not, because I remain largely undis­cov­ered and under­ground. I’m the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of blah blah blah.

Are Chris­tians going to take to the streets and start burn­ing hip­py­ef­fi­gies? I think not.

Most peo­ple are strong enough in their beliefs not to allow the rav­ings of one mad hippy in north Lon­don to upset them.

Those who would be offended by my lit­tle stab at blas­phe­mous, thought pro­vok­ing humour, are the weak minded of our world. Their frag­ile belief sys­tem is such that there is no room for any pos­si­ble doubts to be raised, satir­i­cal or otherwise.

Which is why I’m not mak­ing any jokes about a cer­tain well-regarded Prophet, peace be upon him. I don’t want a fatwa on my ass!

But sup­pose, for the sake of a lit­tle spec­u­la­tive game play­ing, that some­one stum­bled upon this post and was offended.

Now, take it one step fur­ther and imag­ine this per­son, who is so offended, belongs to some right wing, fun­da­men­tal­ist Chris­t­ian group in America.

Sud­denly the link to my lit­tle blog is fly­ing through cyber­space at the speed of light to all cor­ners of the globe and before I know it, thou­sands, maybe even hun­dreds of thou­sands of crazed Chris­t­ian war­riors are out for my blessed hippyblood!

Egads! What’s a poor hippy to do?

I go into hid­ing, max out my credit cards, mov­ing from one 5-star hotel suite to the next, check­ing in under assumed hip­py­names before end­ing up in Rome, where I would sur­ren­der to the Pope him­self seek­ing sanctuary.

The Pope would invoke a long for­got­ten law of the papacy and have me put to death, iron­i­cally, by crucifixion.

With my beard and long hair, com­par­isons would undoubt­edly be made, as the nail­ing of this hippy to a cross would be broad­cast live, on every tv chan­nel across the planet.

And when I reach the after­life, after deny­ing it’s exis­tent for nearly my entire life; guess what happened?

I’ll find myself bent over, get­ting butt-fucked by Satan.

The uni­verse does have a sense of humour. Even I’d be laugh­ing at that eter­nal outcome!

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