The northlondonhippy

Archive for March, 2006

Hey! There’s still time to win my bong! Click here for the details!

Hey hip­py­fans! How’s things?

Things are groovy here in my north Lon­don lair. I’ve had a few mel­low days, sort­ing out a few things here and there. Life is good.

I’ve popped by just to men­tion that there’s a big change to my web­site, which you may have noticed.

I now have advertising.

The com­pany I’ve cho­sen to adorn my blog is none-other than EveryoneDoesIt.Com, or EDIT as I often refer to them and as they do indeed refer to themselves.

EDIT is by far the best web retailer there is for all things legal and drug related. I’ve been shop­ping with them per­son­ally for nearly three years and I can only praise the qual­ity of their ser­vice and goods. I wish all the web­sites I shopped with were as together as EDIT.

But what exactly do they sell?

Pipes, bongs, bub­blers, seeds, a wide vari­ety of legal highs, spares, blunt wrap­pers, grinders, rolling papers, rolling machines, rolling trays, rolling sta­tions and of course, my new favourites, RooR glass­ware. If it is legal, fun and related to get­ting high, my friends at EDIT stock it.

So if you are going to shop with EDIT, why not do it through me? All you have to do is click on any of the links on this page and let EDIT do the rest. I promise you they are every bit as good as I say they are. And I should know, I’m prob­a­bly one of their best customers!

And if you do shop with EDIT, send me an email and let me know what you bought and how it all worked out for you!

My bong is still up for grabs. Go on, try to grab it while you can! Click here for details.

Hey ho hip­py­fans! How the hell are you?

You know, my Black Ice bong is still sit­ting here, wait­ing to be won by one lucky hip­py­fan. Get your act together, send me your entry! Time is run­ning out!

You’ll notice I’m not refer­ring to you all as “fuck­ers” today, as my younger brother has said that per­haps my lib­eral use of this some­what naughty word might be offend­ing some of my poten­tial hippyfans.

If it has caused any­one any offence, you have my most sin­cere apolo­gies. My use of the word “fuck­ers” was meant to be com­pli­men­tary, as in I was mak­ing the assump­tion that you were all get­ting some; and often!

So from now on, I’m going to refer to you all as “celi­bates”, which I’m sure won’t offend any­one, unless you’re proud of your pro­lific sex­ual activ­ity, in which case I offer YOU my most sin­cere apologies.

You see, that’s the thing, no mat­ter what I say, and if it has any sort of opin­ion con­tained within it, it’s bound to offend some­one. For me, I’d much rather be up front about it and let you know where you stand with me from the start. I know this hippy and his “spe­cial brand of dri­vel” ain’t for every­one and I am pro­foundly cool with that.

My blog is the one place in the world where I can express myself fully and with­out any sort of self-censorship. I can share my rather strong and rabidly lib­eral opin­ions with the wider world with com­plete freedom.

That’s because nobody care’s much about the rav­ings of one mad hippy from north London.

Except you. You care. You must care, or you wouldn’t still be read­ing this, would you?

You care because you all are intel­li­gent enough to recog­nise that I am the “one true genius of the 21st cen­tury”; you are clever enough to see that I’m “a mes­siah for the new millennium”.

“I’m the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of…but not for long.” The main­stream media is poised to dis­cover me any sec­ond now. They’ll all drop to their knees and beg me to con­tribute to their tra­di­tional media world for bucket-loads of cash and lash­ings of crit­i­cal acclaim!

Or maybe just a lash­ing. Who can really say?

The real world media doesn’t know what it’s miss­ing out on by con­tin­u­ing to ignore me. I’ve got the real world cre­den­tials to be a liv­ing media god, but they don’t care, do they!

I sup­pose if I was some school teacher and I got off with one of my stu­dents, then they would care. Well they would if I was a woman, espe­cially if I was a hot, young blonde woman like Debra Lafave.

She was a school teacher in the states who shagged one of her under­age stu­dents. Big deal. Every teenage boy should be that fuck­ing lucky with his first fucking!

If teach­ers looked like that when I was a stu­dent, and they put out reg­u­larly, atten­dance would have been at 100% every day of the school year! Just imag­ine the home­work assign­ments! “Tonight, stu­dents, I want you to prac­tise lick­ing teacher’s pussy. I’ll be vis­it­ing all of your homes, one at a time and giv­ing you each a chance with my waxed punani.” Oh baby, oh baby!

All right, enough with the cheap jokes. See the Van Halen video “Hot for Teacher”.

The fact is, male teach­ers have been bang­ing stu­dents for as long as there have been schools. I can remem­ber hear­ing rumours about teach­ers in my school screw­ing young girls and every­one just looked the other way. Even when they got knocked-up, which was one of the more believ­able and per­sis­tent rumours.

Always believe every rumour. Usu­ally, they are true.

Amer­ica and it’s crazy, wacky ver­sion of fun­da­men­tal­ist Chris­t­ian val­ues just couldn’t look the other way. Instead, they have tried to pros­e­cute this poor, horny, hot young woman.

She stood accused of hav­ing sex­ual needs, which as every­one knows is a sin. She also stood accused of ful­fill­ing her sex­ual needs with an under­age boy.

She stood accused for being human. Who among us could risk temp­ta­tion if it is served up on the prover­bial sil­ver plat­ter? Does any­one really think get­ting a teenage boy to give it to a very hot, slightly older woman is a hard sell? Did she put a gun to his head?

Now that would be kinky!

The punch­line to this entire tale is my favourite part of the story. It seems Ms. Lafave can’t serve a sen­tence in prison accord­ing to her lawyer.

Why? Sim­ple, because she is too fuck­ing hot look­ing to do time!

In the end, the judge dropped the charges and the mat­ter has been put to rest.

I’m just won­der­ing if it would be worth me sign­ing up for her next class. I read some­where that Debby Lafave is going to become an adult edu­ca­tion teacher.

You can make your own god­damn joke from that one. I’ve given you a great set-up line to start with!

One of you is really going to win my bong, but you can’t win it, if you don’t enter. Click here for all the details. It really could be *you*

Hey fuck­ers. I’m hav­ing one of those hip­py­days that make life worth liv­ing already!

I’ve been awake since 5am, lucky me. I went to bed around 11pm, so that’s 6 hours of qual­ity sleep. Ok, it’s not enough.

I’ve already watched the lat­est episode of the Sopra­nos, which is a pretty neat trick here in north Lon­don, con­sid­er­ing it’s get­ting it’s first run in Amer­ica on HBO right now. Why do I have to wait for Chan­nel Four to get their act together? I’ll watch it again when they show it any­way, so every­one wins!

I’m dig­ging it already and they’re only up to episode two. Rock on.

I’ve also been out to the superduper­mar­ket and it was a good trip. I was there and back in 45 min­utes and didn’t for­get a sin­gle item. Yipppeee to that!

I’ve also read all my usual news­pa­per sites and other assorted web­pages, checked all my email accounts and responded to the more press­ing ones. I’ve also done some web shop­ping, plac­ing an order with Ama­zon and EDIT.

Besides a few small, incon­se­quen­tial items, the two main things I pur­chased from EDIT are the following:

A RooR dif­fuser (for my Lit­tle Sista 5.0 Ice Master)

…and

SPICE!

The dif­fuser was planned all along, but to order one, I had to mea­sure the down­pipe that was shipped with the Lit­tle Sista, because each bong is unique and the lengths can vary. Hey ho!

Spice, appears to be a herbal smok­ing mix­ture that is sup­pose to smell and taste good as well as get you high! Sounds good to me; and appar­ently it also mixes very well with weed, so I could be on to a win­ner. It also costs the same as skunk, so I’m hop­ing the reviews I’ve seen means it lives up to the hype. I’ll find out tomorrow.

I always try to stay up to date and on the cut­ting edge of legal highs! Watch out for my per­sonal review of Spice, com­ing soon!
God, is this a dull-ass post­ing or what? I went shop­ping, I bought this, I wanked my cock down to a bloody stump!

OK, I made up that last one, just to see if you were pay­ing atten­tion. You are. Good.

See, here’s the thing. As “the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of….but not for long”, I’m con­stantly check­ing my hit­counter to see if my online star­dom has arrived.

So far, it hasn’t.

That doesn’t stop me from check­ing, though. As “a mes­siah for the new mil­len­nium”, I know I need to get my words out to the masses in a big old way; and I know my time will come; and soon!

In the mean­time, I am chart­ing a rather steady increase in traf­fic to my site. There’s loads of new hip­py­fans join­ing you old timers every day. I can even see how many of you fuck­ers are book­mark­ing me and grab­bing the syn­di­ca­tion feeds and it warms this hippy’s heart to no end!

It’s not that I’m unpop­u­lar, or unknown, I pre­fer to see it as still remain­ing under­ground; so if you’ve made it here, well done you!

I love you hip­py­fans, I really do. That’s why I want to give you my old bong. For the hippy loveth you all so much that he doth giveth you his old acrylic old! Dig it fuckers!

So to my hip­py­fans, both old and new, thank you for vis­it­ing my page.

You’re part of the inter­net elite, a small, extremely intel­li­gent and sexy sub­group of inter­net users who have the good taste, com­mon sense and quite frankly, the over­whelm­ing cool required to fully appre­ci­ate what­ever it is I do here.

What is it I do here, again? Oh yeah, my spe­cial brand of drivel!

You are by far the best group of fans on the inter­net and though your num­bers may be few (and grow­ing rapidly), you all more than make up for it with your style, wit and joie de vivre!

So whether you are a first time vis­i­tor or a long time hip­py­fan, wel­come to my wild, weird and wacky world!

“I’ll make you laugh, I’ll make you think, I’ll make you wish you were a hippy too!” Or some­thing like that.

(you can still win my old bong, click here for details!)

Dear peo­ple of Iraq,

Today marks the third anniver­sary of the American’s inva­sion of your coun­try. On behalf of the sane res­i­dents of our planet, I would like to take this oppor­tu­nity to apol­o­gise to you all of you for this. The great major­ity of us were against this unsanc­tioned and ille­gal mil­i­tary action at the time and our oppo­si­tion to it con­tin­ues to this day.

It falls on deaf ears; blind and dumb too. That is our fault because we keep re-electing these shit-heels. Again, I’m very sorry.

I know life wasn’t per­fect for you three years and a day ago, but who can deny that on a day-to-day basis all of your lives were better?

Three years and a day ago, you could walk to your local cor­ner shop and pur­chase a loaf of bread with­out wor­ry­ing that you might get blown up by a car bomb, or kid­napped for profit.

Three years and a day ago, you could switch on your lights and read at night, or watch tele­vi­sion. Today, you don’t get enough hours in the day with elec­tric­ity to do any of that very often.

Three years ago and a day, thou­sands of Iraqis were still alive and even more were phys­i­cally not injured. It’s the same for the thou­sands of Amer­i­can sol­diers that have been killed and count­less thou­sands more that have returned to the states per­ma­nently dis­abled for the rest of their lives.

Nobody wins.

Don’t believe me, then please READ THIS arti­cle from the Times, which is widely accepted as a fairly con­ser­v­a­tive news­pa­per here in the UK. The title of it, really says it all.

And when I hear that moth­er­fuck­ing cunt George W. (for “What a lia­bil­ity this man is to the entire planet!”) Bush talk about how he “won’t give up until there is vic­tory in Iraq!” What a load of unex­pur­gated bullshit!

Vic­tory over who, exactly? What defines vic­tory? And who exactly is the enemy?

Think about it. When the Amer­i­cans invaded three years ago, there was a gov­ern­ment in charge in Iraq. There is no deny­ing this. Sad­dam Hus­sein was in com­mand and every nation in the world dealt with him on that level. His gov­ern­ment had an exten­sive, though ulti­mately use­less mil­i­tary force, which even I wouldn’t deny, was “the enemy” three years ago.

It took the Iraqi army all of 10 sec­onds to dis­ap­pear, or “melt away into the back­ground”, as the pun­dits on the day kept telling me.

So who are they fight­ing now?

“The ter­ror­ists”. Yikes!

These ter­ror­ists weren’t in Iraq three years ago, not the for­eign ones any­way, like Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. And what brought them to Iraq?

No, not a bus. Well, maybe.

They’re all there because the Amer­i­cans are there and they’re such easy and attrac­tive tar­gets for them.

IED’s. Impro­vised, explo­sive devices. Road­side bombs. Sol­dier killers. It seems like for the “ter­ror­ists” it’s a bit like shoot­ing fish in a barrel.

There are two sets of vic­tims, the Iraqi peo­ple and the Amer­i­can troops and don’t think my sym­pa­thies aren’t equally with both. From what I know about the “all vol­un­teer” mod­ern Amer­i­can mil­i­tary, is that for a lot of these poor kids, sign­ing up for a tour of duty is their only option.

A uni­ver­sity edu­ca­tion in Amer­ica is pretty much a require­ment for most jobs. Just check out the clas­si­fied adverts in any Amer­i­can news­pa­per or web­site. The edu­ca­tion sys­tem in Amer­i­can, like every­thing else, is pri­vate, which makes it extremely expen­sive. The only way nor­mal folk can attend is if they can find grants, loans and scholarships.

And guess what, the mil­i­tary is an excel­lent source for all of those things!

And how about these poor fuck­ers stuck in the National Guard. They thought they were sign­ing up for a week­end a month and a full week a year of play­ing make believe sol­diers and now, some of them find that they have been in sta­tioned in the mid east for three years plus! Oooops!

The bot­tom line is sim­ple; things in Iraq are worse than they’ve ever been. Even the for­mer Prime Min­is­ter, the one hand­picked by the Amer­i­cans, said in an inter­view at the week­end, in no uncer­tain terms, that Iraqi is already in a civil war.

This war was started under false pre­tences. Shit, even I’m doing it now!

This war was started over a pack of fuck­ing bold faced lies! Noth­ing any­one tells us is true. The Amer­i­cans spoon-feed their cor­po­rate media cock­suck­ing fools noth­ing but bull­shit and they swal­low it deep and with­out question.

Ques­tion­ing any­thing is seen as unpa­tri­otic; as if you are aid­ing and abet­ting the ter­ror­ists. What a load of shit!

The most patri­otic thing you can do is tell the truth about your coun­try, for only with truth for all, can a true democ­racy flour­ish! Lies and men­dac­ity flour­ish in a total­i­tar­ian, Orwellian soci­ety where the thought police are out to main­tain the sta­tus quo, you’re neigh­bours are spy­ing on you and there’s a CCTV cam­era on every corner.

Wel­come to mod­ern Britain. Wel­come to the mod­ern world.

I worry over what lies will be com­ing next. I know that our lead­ers have no cred­i­bil­ity left and noth­ing they say about any future threats can be taken at face value.

If they can lie to us about some­thing as sig­nif­i­cant as a war in Iraq, they can lie to us about anything!

Let’s reverse the trend, let’s bring back truth, and hon­esty and dig­nity to our soci­ety. Let’s take pride in the deci­sions our lead­ers make on our behalf. Let’s do good for one and all and hold up every poten­tial action to close scrutiny, look­ing for that poten­tial good. And if none is to be found, then we must aban­don our plans and seek bet­ter ones, so that we all can have a bet­ter life every day!

I pro­pose we start in Iraqi. It’s our most recent and messi­est mess, so let’s sort it out first.

Hey, Iraqi peo­ple! Kurds, Sun­nis, Shias; I’m talk­ing to you! Don’t fight each other, that is just stu­pid! That’s only going to keep the Amer­i­cans occu­py­ing your coun­try even longer, not get them to leave!

You guys need to come together, peace­fully, calm things the fuck down, get organ­ised, tell the “Yan­kees to go home!” That’s the only way it’s going to happen.

For fuck’s sake, for decades you all got along under that gang­ster and thug who was run­ning your coun­try, why can’t you do it again?

Vic­tory should be defined sim­ply and for every­one. Vic­tory is every last Amer­i­can sol­dier going home; vic­tory is the Iraqi peo­ple tak­ing con­trol of their own coun­try. Vic­tory is not los­ing one more sin­gle life in this point­less, stu­pid, unjus­ti­fied, waste of time conflict.

Every­one who had a hand in exe­cut­ing this fool­ish­ness has blood on their hands and guilt in their hearts. Deep down, they all know that have com­mit­ted crimes against human­ity. I just don’t know how they can all live with themselves.

But it’s not too late for them, it’s still pos­si­ble to reverse the tide and even get some redemp­tion in the process. No one is beyond redemp­tion, if they want it badly enough!

George, Tony, make it sim­ple for every­one. Start scal­ing it all down; autho­rise your local com­man­ders to qui­etly nego­ti­ate with the local mili­tias and tribes. Do small, sim­ple, step-by-step deals, that grad­u­ally build trust between the two sides.

I know this is bold move, I know it goes against all of your he-man rhetoric, but needs must. Deep down, at our cores, we’re all just peo­ple. We all want the same things, a peace­ful, safe, sane, secure exis­tence. Some­times, talk­ing to your ene­mies is the only way to solve s conflict.

Every­one says they want the Iraqis to take con­trol of their own coun­try, well there’s the way to do it, cour­tesy of your favourite war-hating, peace-loving, north-London based hippy.

If they want to cre­ate real “shock and awe” on the occa­sion of the third anniver­sary of “shock and awe”, they should announce an ini­tia­tive to end the con­flict and bring every­one home. That would truly inspire shock and awe around the globe.

And you see, it’s not just a tag-line, I truly am a “mes­siah for the new millennium.”

Well it’s a hippy happy, happy hippy, sec­ond anniver­sary to me!

That’s right fuck­ers; I’m two years old today, well offi­cially anyway.

It was two years ago this very day that I became the internet’s smartest, sex­i­est and most well-hung blogger.

I’m the one true genius of the 21st cen­tury; I’m a mes­siah for the new mil­len­nium too!

I’m also the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of! But not for long, now that I’ve reached this major blog­ging mile­stone, I’m sure the main­stream media will be beg­ging to suck my cock.

Any day now, I’ll be asked to write insight­ful “think pieces” on var­i­ous sub­jects for classy, glossy mag­a­zines as well as being invited to appear on pop­u­lar TV pro­grammes to dis­cuss my pro­gres­sive views on drug legal­i­sa­tion and oral sex.

Need­less to say, I’ll be hand­somely com­pen­sated for my time and trou­ble with truck­loads of cash, buck­ets of hard drugs and count­less easy women.

It could happen!

The non-de plume, “northlon­don­hippy” was actu­ally first used by me around six months prior to my blog­ging debut on the EDIT Forums. I haven’t posted any­thing there in ages and ages, instead I put it all here in my blog. I do dip into it occa­sion­ally just to see what the kids are into these days.

When I was post­ing on EDIT, it was mainly on the sub­ject of my beloved and now banned magic mush­rooms. It was an excel­lent resource on the sub­ject and still is, as well as hav­ing sub-sections for every­thing else under the drug-induced sun.

I tried to log into recently and guess what? I can’t remem­ber my pass­word and there doesn’t seem to be a way to reset it. Bum­mer, man!

Hey, if any­one from EDIT reads my blog, say “hi”; get in touch, let’s talk business!

Ah-hem.

So what’s hap­pened to this hippy in the last two years? Do you really want the pot­ted history?

There are over 430 hippy entries includ­ing this one, which cat­a­logue my every move for the last two years. They cover my stretch of unem­ploy­ment, my quest for find­ing a job, my drug intake, my stu­pid, cheap jokes at the expense of oth­ers, the loss of my father and gen­er­ally every thought, feel­ing and emo­tion I’ve experienced.

Ok, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the idea.

Every­one is busy; every­one goes through changes; what makes me so special?

I’m the moth­er­fuck­ing northlon­don­hippy god­damn it!

I swear unnec­es­sar­ily, I blas­pheme; I smoke dope daily. I always tell the truth, no mat­ter where that truth may lead me, whether it is about the world, the uni­verse or myself.

I know there’s more that I don’t know than I do. I know that’s true for every­one on the planet that is alive now or ever will be.

We know about 1% of 1% of noth­ing about our exis­tence. I don’t see that increas­ing any time soon.

We’ll never know why we’re here; we’ll never know how we came to be.

Any­thing beyond those two sim­ple state­ments is either con­jec­ture or bull­shit or both.

It dri­ves me mad that I’ll never have answers to these basic, fun­da­men­tal ques­tions. I’ve lost more sleep pon­der­ing the impon­der­able than over any­thing else in my entire stink­ing life!

Is it any won­der I smoke dope all the time?

The real ques­tion is, why don’t the rest of you smoke it all the time too?

I try to sus­tain my piti­ful exis­tence by just accept­ing that I’m here and it doesn’t mat­ter why or how. I get through every day by telling myself it’s all point­less, mainly because it is all point­less, in the greater scheme of things.

We’re tiny, insignif­i­cant lit­tle crea­tures, all of us on this planet from the small­est insects to us hair­less, pseudo-intellectual apes.

Actu­ally, we’re worst off of them all, because we can think; we think we’re special.

We’re not spe­cial; we’re just part of the flora and fauna…only we’re con­sum­ing or pol­lut­ing the rest of the flora and fauna faster than it can keep up.

We are either poi­son­ing our­selves or eat­ing our­selves, either way that doesn’t leave much, does it?

So we all do what we need to do to get through each day.

So what if I’ll never get the answers I seek, nei­ther will you, no one will. It’s not like you all know the truth and you’re keep­ing it a secret from me.

Are you? Are you?

Wouldn’t that be a pisser!

PS.
You can still win my god­damn bong.

I have to say the stan­dard of entries so far has been a bit, um, I don’t want to offend any­one, but they’ve been a bit sub-par. I know you fuck­ers can do better!

There’s still time to enter, every­thing you need to know is just a CLICK away.

PPS.
Watch out for my per­sonal top five favourite hip­py­posts, com­ing soon to this very page!

One bong. One win­ner. One hippy to decide! Click here to enter!

What’s with you guys?

Don’t you want to win my old bong?

This con­test is seri­ous. This con­test is real!

You can win my old bong. Well, you can if you enter. There’s a link at the top of this page that will tell you how!

Some­one really has to win it, why not let it be you!

My new bong arrived yes­ter­day in all its RooR good­ness. I went for the Lit­tle Sista Ice Mas­ter 5.0 and it’s a work of art! It’s also mas­sive! It’s a good thing I’m get­ting rid of my old one!

Believe it or not, I haven’t tried it yet. I’m wait­ing for the right time to test drive it. I expect it will smoke like a dream.

I’m awake too early again this morn­ing, thanks to two my cats. I’m work­ing tonight and they woke me up more than 12 hours before I’m due at my office. I’m going back to bed, very soon.

I’ve got a cou­ple of things I need to sort out before I rejoin my pil­lows and this entry is just my attempt to kill some time.

Does that make you feel bad? That I’m only here to waste some time? I’ve got no pearls of wis­dom or clever obser­va­tions to share with you. I’m just here because I can’t think of any­thing bet­ter to do.

A lot of life is just killing time. Wait­ing is prob­a­bly our num­ber one pas­time. We wait in shops, in doctor’s offices, we wait for pages to load in our browsers online; we wait for food to be served, plates to be cleared, loved ones to phone.

Most of the time, we’re all just wait­ing to die.

Maybe your death is decades away, maybe it’s only moments. Per­haps while you’re sit­ting at your PC, read­ing this very hip­py­post­ing, you might shuf­fle off that mor­tal coil.

Sorry in advance if my dri­vel is the last thing on your mind when you meet your maker!

Per­haps you’re one of those peo­ple that fill every wak­ing moment with some­thing use­ful and wor­thy. Well done, you.

I try to keep busy, I strive not to waste time, but I can’t help it. There’s just so much of it to waste.

Until you run out of time, then you wish you could have all the time back.

Some­times I feel like I’ve wasted the last 20 years of my life.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t had fun, because I’m the king of fun, but I do won­der some­times if the choices I’ve made and the direc­tions I’ve taken have been the right ones.

There’s a school of thought that says what­ever deci­sion you make, it’s the right deci­sion, because it’s the one you made. I’ll buy that because it means you can absolve your­self from any second-guessing.

I don’t like to second-guess myself. Instead, I take stock fre­quently. Most days, I’m not doing too badly.

I’ve got Mrs. H, I’ve got my younger brother; I’ve got a job I dig that pays rea­son­ably well and I’m writ­ing more lately than I ever have. I’ve got a roof over my head and food in my belly. I’ve got com­put­ers, the inter­net and satel­lite tv. I’ve got a house full of cats that keep me enter­tained. I’ve always got dope!

What is this, fuck­ing thanksgiving?

The real ques­tion is; would you do any­thing dif­fer­ently if you had the chance?

Of course I would! Wouldn’t you?

For starters, I’d be taller!

Go on fuck­ers, one of you can really win my bong! Click here to find out how right now!

Yo.

Yes, I’m back.

Two days in a row! It’s like all your xmas’s have come at once and Santa Claus is really Jesus and he’s tak­ing you to heaven to live with god for eter­nity and have noth­ing but oral sex all the time. Yee-fucking-haw!

Sad bas­tard that I am, I was dip­ping into my hip­p­yarchive for a trip down mem­ory lane. I wish it was a real trip, but the gov­ern­ment man took away my beloved magic mush­rooms last sum­mer, so now I ain’t got noth­ing psy­che­delic to savour and enjoy in the pri­vacy of my north Lon­don lair.

I know I harp on about this shroom ban, but I do for good rea­son! I really dug the lit­tle fuck­ers and I miss them very much!

Way back when shrooms were legal and the post­man was my dealer and he didn’t even know it; I used to indulge in this lit­tle pas­time once every week or so. It was good for me.

When shrooms were legal, they were cheap, easy to get, con­sis­tently potent and if used with intel­li­gence and knowl­edge, very safe. Safer than booze any day of the week, but don’t get me started on the legal drugs!

Yes, some peo­ple can go crazy if they abuse shrooms with­out the required infor­ma­tion and smarts. But some peo­ple go crazy anyway.

Scooobity bee boop!

How many peo­ple get beat up, robbed, killed, preg­nant, infected, you name it, because of a par­tic­u­larly heavy night in the pub?

Really! Don’t get me fuck­ing started!

When you put it into that con­text, the ban on shrooms seems even more ridiculous!

The rea­son I’m feel­ing so nos­tal­gic about my for­mer favourite legal sub­stance is two fold; firstly my 2nd anniver­sary of blog­ging is quickly approaching.

Fuck! Two years of spout­ing absolute rub­bish online and being ignored by the main­stream press, even though I am the one true genius of the 21st century!

Save the cel­e­bra­tions for another day. How about the day? Ok.

And sec­ondly, I was read­ing some of my early entries and damn if I didn’t wax lyri­cal end­lessly about my total enjoy­ment of magic mushrooms.

I miss my funny fun­gus! The mush­room god doesn’t visit me any­more! I’m a man with­out a reli­gion! Shouldn’t the Euro­pean Court of Human Rights be defend­ing my right to wor­ship in the man­ner of my own choosing?

Noth­ing else avail­able comes even close to the amaz­ingly pleas­ant plea­sure of being mon­ged to the gills on some fresh, potent shroomies! It was like a reli­gion to me.

Well, put it this way, it made me feel closer than ever to actu­ally hav­ing any faith in any­thing in the entire known and unknown universe.

And they took it all away from me, just because they felt like it! The fuck­ing cunts!

Grrrrrrr!

Gimme back my fresh and legal shrooms or I am going to hold my breath until I turn blue! Gimme! Gimmmeeeee!

Gim­m­m­m­m­meeeeeeeeeeeee! Now! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

That’s right fuck­ers! My old bong is up for grabs and maybe you will win it!

I’m giv­ing away my slightly used, slightly mod­i­fied, Black Leaf Bong with an Ice Twist. That’s the actual bong you can see in the slightly blurry cam­er­a­phone pics above. It’s even nicer in real life.

It’s a black acrylic bong, quite tall, angled, with an inte­grated ice twist for an extra cool smoke. The bong fea­tures an Aus­tralian styled lift off bowl for easy refill­ing and clean­ing and has a carb hole on the back.

I added the orange extend­ing tube that you can see in the photo; it adds a level of fil­tra­tion as well as adding length. Size does count, kids! Don’t believe every­thing you hear!

The bong hits like a dream and I’m only part­ing with it to make room for yet another bong and of course, to improve the oth­er­wise bleak and dreary exis­tence of some lucky hippyfan!

I tried to give my car away once; it didn’t work. I gave away an after­noon of shroom­ing with me; way back when magic mush­rooms were legal. This time, I’ve got a prize that all of you will want badly!

So here are the rules.

1) You need to be 18 years or older to enter. Sorry kids, but I won’t be cor­rupt­ing any minors. You’ll all have to do that yourselves.

2) I’m only will­ing to ship the bong within the Euro­pean Union, so if you’re not in the EU, sorry. It’s sim­ple, there are no cus­toms checks within the EU, so I’m con­fi­dent the win­ner will actu­ally receive it by stan­dard post. I’ll repeat that, this con­test is only open to res­i­dents of the Euro­pean Union with a valid postal address.

3) The judge’s word is final. I’m the judge, what I say goes. The prize will be awarded accord­ing to my dis­cre­tion, so don’t blame me if some local 19 year old hot­tie who offered me oral sex won it over you! I didn’t say I wasn’t cor­rupt­ible or open to bribes, so do your worst, er best!

4) The bong will arrive in plain pack­ag­ing, sent and addressed to what­ever name and address you sup­ply. Yes, you can use a fake name, but you need to sup­ply a valid address. The bong will arrive in excel­lent, clean con­di­tion, with a brand new bowl, and con­in­cal gauze. The postage will be fully paid.

5) Only the win­ner, upon noti­fi­ca­tion of win­ning will need to sup­ply an address. You do NOT need to send me any of your real life details to enter! If you are not pre­pared to sup­ply details so I can ship the bong to you, if you win, please don’t bother entering!

How to enter:

Enter­ing the “Win the hippy’s old bong con­test” couldn’t be eas­ier! Fol­low these sim­ple steps and you will be well on your way to pos­si­bly win­ning my old bong for free! Every­one loves some­thing free, don’t they?

1) All you need to do is send an email to thehippy@northlondonhippy.com

2) Impor­tant! Please put “Gimme your old bong you crazeee hippy” in the sub­ject line of the email.

3) In the body of the email, please explain in as many words as you think you need, why I should send you my old bong. Be cre­ative, be convincing!

4) Please men­tion your gen­uine age and loca­tion. I don’t mean your street address; for exam­ple, I would say “north London”.

The win­ner will be noti­fied by return email no later than Fri­day 14th April 2006, so no entries will be accepted after mid­night 13th April 2006 (local north Lon­don time).

Dis­claimer:
– This con­test is void in your area if pro­hib­ited by local law
– No guar­an­tees will be under­taken in the deliv­ery of the prize, if the postal ser­vice loses it, we all lose!
– The hippy is in no way respon­si­ble for any­thing that might hap­pen as a result of you win­ning the prize or what might fol­low after any pos­si­ble use of the prize. If you get in trou­ble with your par­ents, your part­ner or the police, it is your respon­si­bil­ity, not the hippy’s in any shape or form. The win­ner is solely respon­si­ble for every­thing! You can’t blame the hippy for jack­shit, so don’t even try, fuck­ers!
– Er, that’s all I can think of…
– If you’re a lawyer and want to keep my ass out of trou­ble, email with more!

Hey hip­py­fans, do I suck or what?

I haven’t been here in over a week, so indeed I qual­ify in the suck­ing depart­ment. I can only blame my busy and glam­orous media lifestyle and the fact that I’m old and need my sleep!

I could blame loads of other things too, like global warm­ing and the war on ter­ror, but that would be me exag­ger­at­ing the sit­u­a­tion. I’m not actu­ally in gov­ern­ment, so it’s not my job to scare you!

I’ve had a bit of a lull between bouts of work and haven’t done loads. I’m back on Sat­ur­day night for one, then not again until Wednes­day for three more. At the end of the month, I’m going to get really busy and stay that way through most of April. At least I’ll be rich! Depend­ing upon your def­i­n­i­tion of rich, that is.

Put it this way, I won’t be broke and it means I can spend more money on RooR goodies!

I’ve recently dis­cov­ered this excel­lent brand of glass­ware pipes and bongs and am extremely impressed with the qual­ity of their pieces. So far, I’ve only pur­chased two small items, but in the very near future, I’ll be order­ing my very first full sized RooR bong.

My favourite web­site, EDIT, stocks a wide vari­ety of RooR GOODS, all hand made from their fac­tory in Ger­many. Besides being works of art, all of their stuff is extremely func­tional. And the function?

Smok­ing weed!

These are grown-up pieces, they’re not toys for kids! They’re not cheap either!

I pur­chased the small­est piece they make, the MINI STEAMROLLER; it only costs £5.95. I’ve never had a pipe that hit as smooth as this lit­tle baby. I can’t rec­om­mend this one enough, it is absolutely perfect!

Go on and order one, it’s cheap and you will not regret it! Oh and also, order one of these GLASS GAUZES, yes the one I’ve pro­vided the link to, it’s the per­fect size for the mini steamroller!

Clean­ing it is a breeze, just pour some boil­ing water into the bowl and watch most of the gunk float away. If you really need to clean it bet­ter, don’t use a brush, use RooR BONG CLEANER!

The other pipe I bought is the RooR POCKET FRIEND, which I like, but I can’t rec­om­mend, unless you are an aspir­ing col­lec­tor like myself. It’s quite pricey and yes, it does hit like a dream, but it feels a bit frag­ile and for a lit­tle more money, you could have a full sized bong. It’s a real work of art though!

Very soon, I will be order­ing my RooR Lit­tle Sista 5.0, which is going to last me the rest of my life. It looks like the per­fect bong!

Why does all this RooR excite­ment mat­ter to you, you might ask. Sim­ple! It means I’ve got to clear some space and get rid of one of my other bongs! It’s not even 6 months old, but I’m going to part with it…

By giv­ing it away in my next wild and wacky contest!

I tried to give away my car; I’ve shroomed with a hippy fan con­test win­ner, but now get ready for my most amaz­ing, life chang­ing con­test ever!

You can win the hippy’s slightly used, impres­sively cus­tomised Black Leaf bong, with an ice twist!

Don’t worry, this is not the for­mal announce­ment of the con­test, that will be com­ing in the next day or two.

Basi­cally, I’m ready to ship this excel­lent acrylic bong to any­one, any­where in the UK, no wait, any­where in the Euro­pean Union for free!

You’ll have to be at least 18 years old (sorry kids) and live in the Euro­pean Union to enter! I haven’t decided how you’ll win it just yet, but I’m sure emails will be involved! And don’t for­get the oral love!

Let me get some actual pho­tos of the actual bong and post them first. It’s com­plete with fil­ter attach­ment, brand new drop-in Aus­tralian style bowl and con­i­cal gauze, so it’s ready to rock right out of the box!

You’ll need to sup­ply your own weed or other smok­ing mix­ture! I can’t do every­thing for you!

Check back soon for the com­plete details on how you can win the hippy’s bong!

Life just doesn’t get any bet­ter than this!

Hey ho hippyfans!

Who’s been miss­ing me? All of you I expect. Well the merry-go-round that is my glit­ter­ing media career keeps me spin­ning quickly and I’m doing my best just to hang on!

Gosh that sounds dra­matic and inter­est­ing; if only it were true.

I’ve picked up some more work this week, hot on the heels of last week’s bonanza. I’m back tomor­row for 4 nights and I’m not complaining.

Any­thing that brings dosh to this hippy is a good thing indeed, though its not like I have any­thing excit­ing to spend it on at the moment. Apple kind of let me down.

They had a prod­uct launch yes­ter­day and between the hype and spec­u­la­tion, I was really expect­ing some­thing so cool that I would just have to buy one. I had my Visa card all ready to spend, spend, spend and they didn’t have any­thing wor­thy of my drool.

Over­priced leather iPod cases that com­pletely lack any use­ful functionality.

Next was a glo­ri­fied speaker dock for an iPod, lack­ing Air­Tunes func­tion­al­ity but with a hefty price tag. I’m sure they sound good, but so what?

And finally, a revamped, Intel’d up, Mac mini. OK, I’ll admit these look quite tasty, but by the time I kit­ted up one to be worth hav­ing as a stand-alone media-center, you’re talk­ing over 1600–1700 pounds!

Think I’m kid­ding, think again!

The high model, with the Core Duo proces­sor and with the max’d extra RAM and big­ger hard drive spec’d out at around £970. Add to that a key­board and mouse (£70), exter­nal hardrive (est £250), tv cap­ture don­gle to con­nect to my SKY+ (est £200), a free­view tuner with PVR soft­ware (£100), extra cables (est £100) and you’re already up to £1700.

More than I would want to spend, unless I was a lot richer and had a fancy-pancy LCD tv with a DVI input!

Ut oh, we’re approach­ing tech-geek cor­ner territory!

I smoke dope, lots of it!

There, that’s better!

I’m groov­ing to some Led Zep­pelin right now; Kashmir!

See, I’m cool, I’m cool. Dammit! Fuckers!

Oh Apple, you let me down this time. Where’s the new OS X tablet? Where’s the touch­screen video iPod? Where’s all the cool shit?

It’s Apple’s thir­ti­eth anniver­sary on the first of April and more prod­uct announce­ments are expected. Let the fresh spec­u­la­tion begin!

The other thing I’ve been check­ing out is Roor Glass­ware.

They make some amaz­ing hand­made pipes, bongs and accessories.

I’ve been think­ing about get­ting THIS ONE, the “Lit­tle Sista Ice-master Cup 5.0 — 3 Piece” as I really like it’s style and func­tion­al­ity. Yes, it’s expen­sive, but any­thing of real qual­ity often is. They’re stur­dily built and made to last.

I also like the choice of ACCESSORIES like the dif­fusers and optional BOWLS, which means you can keep find­ing cool new things to get for it.

Con­sumer goods and drugs are the only things in this world that bring any­one any joy, so the com­bi­na­tion of the two is just out of this world, fuck­ing fantastic!

EDIT, my favourite web­site for all things drug related and legal, should really do a deal with me. I already send a lot of busi­ness their way, per­son­ally and here with my endorsements.

They should become my exclu­sive spon­sor! I’d let them adver­tise on my site in return for, oh I don’t know, free drugs, free good­ies to review, per­haps cash, I don’t know.

I’m open to offers though. This hippy is for sale or rent!

So if you work for Everyonedoesit.com or know some­one who does, tell them to con­tact the hippy for an adver­tis­ing oppor­tu­nity too good to miss!