The northlondonhippy

Archive for March 27th, 2006

My bong is still up for grabs. Go on, try to grab it while you can! Click here for details.

Hey ho hip­py­fans! How the hell are you?

You know, my Black Ice bong is still sit­ting here, wait­ing to be won by one lucky hip­py­fan. Get your act together, send me your entry! Time is run­ning out!

You’ll notice I’m not refer­ring to you all as “fuck­ers” today, as my younger brother has said that per­haps my lib­eral use of this some­what naughty word might be offend­ing some of my poten­tial hippyfans.

If it has caused any­one any offence, you have my most sin­cere apolo­gies. My use of the word “fuck­ers” was meant to be com­pli­men­tary, as in I was mak­ing the assump­tion that you were all get­ting some; and often!

So from now on, I’m going to refer to you all as “celi­bates”, which I’m sure won’t offend any­one, unless you’re proud of your pro­lific sex­ual activ­ity, in which case I offer YOU my most sin­cere apologies.

You see, that’s the thing, no mat­ter what I say, and if it has any sort of opin­ion con­tained within it, it’s bound to offend some­one. For me, I’d much rather be up front about it and let you know where you stand with me from the start. I know this hippy and his “spe­cial brand of dri­vel” ain’t for every­one and I am pro­foundly cool with that.

My blog is the one place in the world where I can express myself fully and with­out any sort of self-censorship. I can share my rather strong and rabidly lib­eral opin­ions with the wider world with com­plete freedom.

That’s because nobody care’s much about the rav­ings of one mad hippy from north London.

Except you. You care. You must care, or you wouldn’t still be read­ing this, would you?

You care because you all are intel­li­gent enough to recog­nise that I am the “one true genius of the 21st cen­tury”; you are clever enough to see that I’m “a mes­siah for the new millennium”.

“I’m the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of…but not for long.” The main­stream media is poised to dis­cover me any sec­ond now. They’ll all drop to their knees and beg me to con­tribute to their tra­di­tional media world for bucket-loads of cash and lash­ings of crit­i­cal acclaim!

Or maybe just a lash­ing. Who can really say?

The real world media doesn’t know what it’s miss­ing out on by con­tin­u­ing to ignore me. I’ve got the real world cre­den­tials to be a liv­ing media god, but they don’t care, do they!

I sup­pose if I was some school teacher and I got off with one of my stu­dents, then they would care. Well they would if I was a woman, espe­cially if I was a hot, young blonde woman like Debra Lafave.

She was a school teacher in the states who shagged one of her under­age stu­dents. Big deal. Every teenage boy should be that fuck­ing lucky with his first fucking!

If teach­ers looked like that when I was a stu­dent, and they put out reg­u­larly, atten­dance would have been at 100% every day of the school year! Just imag­ine the home­work assign­ments! “Tonight, stu­dents, I want you to prac­tise lick­ing teacher’s pussy. I’ll be vis­it­ing all of your homes, one at a time and giv­ing you each a chance with my waxed punani.” Oh baby, oh baby!

All right, enough with the cheap jokes. See the Van Halen video “Hot for Teacher”.

The fact is, male teach­ers have been bang­ing stu­dents for as long as there have been schools. I can remem­ber hear­ing rumours about teach­ers in my school screw­ing young girls and every­one just looked the other way. Even when they got knocked-up, which was one of the more believ­able and per­sis­tent rumours.

Always believe every rumour. Usu­ally, they are true.

Amer­ica and it’s crazy, wacky ver­sion of fun­da­men­tal­ist Chris­t­ian val­ues just couldn’t look the other way. Instead, they have tried to pros­e­cute this poor, horny, hot young woman.

She stood accused of hav­ing sex­ual needs, which as every­one knows is a sin. She also stood accused of ful­fill­ing her sex­ual needs with an under­age boy.

She stood accused for being human. Who among us could risk temp­ta­tion if it is served up on the prover­bial sil­ver plat­ter? Does any­one really think get­ting a teenage boy to give it to a very hot, slightly older woman is a hard sell? Did she put a gun to his head?

Now that would be kinky!

The punch­line to this entire tale is my favourite part of the story. It seems Ms. Lafave can’t serve a sen­tence in prison accord­ing to her lawyer.

Why? Sim­ple, because she is too fuck­ing hot look­ing to do time!

In the end, the judge dropped the charges and the mat­ter has been put to rest.

I’m just won­der­ing if it would be worth me sign­ing up for her next class. I read some­where that Debby Lafave is going to become an adult edu­ca­tion teacher.

You can make your own god­damn joke from that one. I’ve given you a great set-up line to start with!