The northlondonhippy

It’s only been run­ning for just over three weeks, but BB7 has already estab­lished itself as a fix­ture here in Britain.

It seems like any­one you speak to has a far deeper knowl­edge of the com­ings and goings in a cer­tain small house in Elstree than they are com­fort­able admitting.

What’s wrong with being a Big Brother fan? Why are peo­ple so ret­i­cent to admit that they enjoy it? It’s not like you’re cop­ping to cook­ing and eat­ing small chil­dren for lunch! It’s only a game show!

Big Brother takes over the media for the dura­tion of its run and even if you despise watch­ing it, you’ll be hard pressed to escape its reach.

Chan­nel 4 broad­casts at least an hour of high­lights or more every evening. And it’s con­sis­tently more than 60 min­utes in length, they keep extend­ing it with­out updat­ing their sched­ules, which is wreak­ing absolute havoc with my SKY+ — the end­ing is cut off more nights than not!

And on Friday’s, the live evic­tion dou­ble bill is at least 90 minutes.

E4 broad­casts Big Brother’s Lit­tle Brother five times a week, (BBLB) and Big Brother’s Big Mouth four times a week (BBBM), each 30 min­utes in length. Plus there’s a new show this year called Big Brother’s Big Brain.

If you add up all of the already pack­aged pro­grammes, you come up with nearly 13 hours of view­ing a week! Now, that’s commitment!

Add to that the 24/7 avail­abil­ity of live stream­ing via the inter­ac­tive fea­tures of the magic red but­ton on dig­i­tal tv and you begin to get a pic­ture of just how much is there for you to watch. And enjoy. And obsess over!

It’s easy enough to avoid all of that pro­gram­ming, but even if you do, BB lurks in other media. Flip on your radio to any pop­u­lar music sta­tion and I promise you that BB will be men­tioned; in happy talk from the DJ or within their brief news bul­letins. It’s the same on satel­lite tv; news from the house becomes real news!

Open any tabloid or celebrity glossy mag­a­zine and again, gos­sip about the house­mates will be found through­out. The glossies, like Heat and other high­brow pub­li­ca­tions, will stick BB stars on their cov­ers for as long as they can.

Why? For the same rea­son the Daily Express finds a rea­son to put a story about Princess Diana on nearly every Mon­day edi­tion; because it sells!

So even if you casu­ally con­sume your media, you can­not escape know­ing that Pete Ben­nett is the one every­one thinks will win; Nikki Gra­ham is a spoilt brat, Lea Walker is a porn star and Glyn Wise is the Welsh “For­rest Gump”.

Ok, I came up with that last one myself, but don’t you think it’s accurate?

Glyn is being por­trayed, rightly or wrongly, as a coun­try bump­kin. I know he is only 18 years old, but could any­one really reach that age and not know the recipe for mak­ing a fuck­ing sand­wich? If that is true, I really do fear for the future of our planet!

And he’s the “head boy” in his 6th form, so just imag­ine what the dumb­est kid in his class must be like…probably sit­ting in a pool of his own excre­ment shout­ing “ee-eye-ee-eye-ooh” over and over again at no one in par­tic­u­lar; hop­ing one of the smarter kids might bring him one of those mirac­u­lous cre­ations known as the sandwich!

That all said, I do like Glyn, he is a real con­tender for sec­ond place; though any­thing can hap­pen and we can’t all be com­pla­cent that a Pete win is a dead cert. Who knows what twists may be com­ing next?

I was all ready to write a sting­ing crit­i­cism of the lack of teeth in the “Twisted Big Brother” billing this sea­son. Up to the intro­duc­tion of the Golden House­mate, I saw no real evi­dence of any twists. Friday’s live show turned that on it’s head and my lazi­ness and pro­cras­ti­na­tion pre­vented me from look­ing very fool­ish the day before they did this!

See, smok­ing dope does have its benefits!

And the heat­wave here in Lon­don isn’t help­ing, espe­cially in the tin­der­box that is my north Lon­don lair. I might have to rig up my Air­Con for the liv­ing room soon. It’s 30 god­damn degrees in my lounge!

I’m sure that’s why you came to my site today, to get the weather report in my liv­ing room! It’s partly smoky, with ris­ing humid­ity and the mer­cury is climb­ing! So is my blood pressure!

I thought the way they han­dled the Golden Ticket con­test was superb. I’m not going to spend much time on the con­spir­acy the­ory behind the selec­tion of the win­ner; per­son­ally I do think it was ran­dom, albeit good luck that some­one so telegenic was selected. That’s hip­py­code­s­peak for a hot MILF!

When Davina pro­vided the mini-introductions for all 34 poten­tial Golden House­mates, it seemed to me that the major­ity of them had media con­nec­tions and/or had try to audi­tion their way on to BB in the past. If that’s true, then it only makes sense that the one selected would have a higher chance of fit­ting either of those descriptions.

As I’ve said before, it takes a cer­tain kind of indi­vid­ual to want to destroy their lives on real­ity television…it takes some­one with a screw loose! It takes a scream­ing crazy wannabe!

What I thought was excit­ing on Fri­day was the moment of rev­e­la­tion as Ais­leyne Horgan-Wallace read out the instruc­tions to the house­mates and then they showed all 34 Golden Ticket win­ners to them on the plasma screen. I think it could be one of the defin­ing moments of this series.

Not just because it was a brave depar­ture for BB, break­ing the fourth wall INTO the house and giv­ing them a look out­side, but because of what was over­heard from the bay­ing crowd.

“Get Grace out! Get Grace out!”

How cool was that? Grace Adams-Short is com­pletely deserv­ing of this pub­lic scorn, she has earned it with her vile atti­tude and school bully tac­tics. She’s pure poison!

What’s even fun­nier is she thinks it’s down to her canoodling with that vacant dolt, Mikey Dal­ton. He’s dull, he’s dumb and I can hardly under­stand a word he says, er mum­bles. Watch him sail under the radar straight through until the final week.

I think there’s a good chance Grace will be nom­i­nated this week, as the Golden House­mate is the only one nom­i­nat­ing and peo­ple who know her say she’s been watch­ing the show and can’t stand Grace.

I’m ready to vote, vote, vote if Grace is up and I urge you to do the same. We got rid of Sezer Yurt­seven, let’s leave noth­ing to chance!

And now on to the “des­per­ate house­wife” men­tioned in the title. No, I don’t mean the ABC/C4 series; I am of course refer­ring to the new Golden House­mate, Suzie Verrico.

Suzie, a 43-year-old house­wife and strip­per from Kent has been try­ing to get into the house for years. She’s audi­tioned at least 3 times and was a standby con­tes­tant for a pre­vi­ous series. Again, so what? Des­per­ate wannabes are per­sis­tent, espe­cially when they are house­wives with rich husbands!

Suzie’s hubby bought 60 cases of KitKat choco­lates search­ing for a Golden Ticket. When that failed, he picked one up on eBay for a cool four grand. Now that’s love!

Though I did see a great the­ory on the DS:BB forum that said he did it to get rid of her for a few months, so he could live that wild des­per­ate hus­band lifestyle full of hard drugs and hook­ers, with total impunity, know­ing his mis­sus was safely locked up under the watch­ful eye of one hun­dred video­cam­eras and the entire nation! That would be the ulti­mate in dis­creet planning!

Suzie admits to a boob job (which seems to be a pre­req­ui­site for entry into the house this year!), but denies hav­ing any work on her face. From my per­spec­tive, her nose, lips and cheek­bones look a lit­tle too good to be true, but what do I know!

Yes, she’s a hot­tie and she’s put Lea’s nose right out of joint, espe­cially because she’s 8 years older than Lea, but looks much younger!

Suzie doesn’t realise yet that being the Golden House­mate isn’t going to be fun. They already have her sleep­ing in a drafty, tiny cup­board that they have named the Golden Bed­room. She also doesn’t know that her nom­i­na­tions will be the only ones that count this week and Davina hinted that more unpleas­ant­ness is to fol­low later in the week. I won­der if they will force Glyn to admin­is­ter the daily golden shower?

It looks like Twisted BB may finally live up to the hype! It’s about time!

Thanks to every­one who voted to get rid of Sam Brodie last week. I didn’t hate her, I just thought she was dull, whereas Nikki Gra­ham is eas­ily one of my favourites and every sec­ond she is on-screen is pure com­edy gold!

No, I wouldn’t want Nikki as my flat­mate or girl­friend or any­thing, I think she could prob­a­bly drive me to an early grave quite quickly, but as some­one else’s prob­lem, she’s first class view­ing! Please keep her in as long as possible!

I felt gen­uine sorry for Glyn when he cried real tears over Sam’s depar­ture. I think he was actu­ally very upset; he really is a sen­si­tive young man!

I was going to pro­vide a treat for my beloved hip­py­fans, though with a dis­claimer: If you are under 18 or have a weak dis­po­si­tion, please do NOT click on the fol­low­ing link to Lea Walker’s porn video…

But the link went away and it’s no longer on the pirate host!

If you have seen the clip and I’m sure many of you have, then my lit­tle BB themed joke will make sense:

What do a KitKat wrap­per and Lea Walker have in common?

They both have four fin­gers inside them!

I never said it was in good taste! I won­der if that’s the kind of pub­lic­ity the KitKat peo­ple want?