The northlondonhippy

Greet­ings Big Brother fanatics!

Can you feel the end of this series accel­er­at­ing towards its nat­ural con­clu­sion with far more speed than you would prefer?

Yes, me too.

Per­haps its pre­ma­ture for me to be lament­ing the demise of this year’s BB, but it’s a fact that as the house emp­ties out and we watch the whole she­bang wind down, it’s nor­mal to feel this way.

I will be sad to see this series end, but then I’ve felt this way the six pre­vi­ous years as well. Whether you love or hate the house­mates, or some­thing in-between, you’ll have spent 13 weeks in their com­pany daily and you will miss them.

I secretly wish that they would lock all these peo­ple up in the house, and then do away with weekly evictions.

When one of them died of insan­ity or old age, or they killed each other, then you could replace them with a new house­mate. It would run, forever!

I’d prob­a­bly give them all some rusty, dull knives and enough blot­ter acid to go around and then just kick back and let the fun begin!

Ok, maybe not that last bit, but you get my point. They’re all your bestest friends for 3 months and then they’re gone, with not so much as a phone call or a post­card or a top­less snap in FHM magazine.

Ok, ok, so some­times there are top­less pho­tos in the lad’s mags, but once the pages get stuck together, then what?

Now I’m just being gross!

In the last week or so, I’ve felt the pro­duc­ers have been a bit back on form. I thought the “best friends” task was amus­ing, espe­cially Imo­gen Thomas’s stel­lar singing abil­ity and of course, Glen “Spoirle” Coroner’s rap­ping skills.

Could his raps be any worse?

I’m seri­ous; I mean really, how hard would you have to work to rap that badly? If it was meant to be a par­ody, we’d all be piss­ing our col­lec­tive pants in fits of laugh­ter, but he wants to be taken seriously!

If you ran a record com­pany, would you give Spoirle a con­tract? Would you? With a big fat advance? Of course not!

And as keen con­sumers of music, would you pur­chase his debut CD? Would you even down­load it for free from a naughty site?

Would any­one?

And he’s still creepy. I wouldn’t let him date my daugh­ter if I had one, or baby-sit for her for that matter!

And his “best friend” is equally creepy, but for dif­fer­ent reasons.

Michael Cheshire is weird, with his stuffed cat “Scru­ples”, his nasty under­pants and his twisted belief that he is god, because god is love and he is love, makes me want to call the men in the white coats and ask them to make an urgent col­lec­tion in Elstree, STAT!

I’d like to state with some degree of con­fi­dence that Spoirle and Michael would be going tonight, but I can’t, or rather I won’t. The pos­i­tive vot­ing this week has left me a bit con­fused and I’m quite ret­i­cent to make a firm prediction.

It’s hard to say defin­i­tively how peo­ple will vote since the moti­va­tion is dif­fer­ent from the norm.

Pon­der this: Sup­pose every­one who loves Pete Ben­nett, assumes that every­one else who loves Pete, is going to vote to save him and Richard New­man. I mean every­one and con­se­quently, the pair receive very few votes.

If that hap­pened, then it’s bye-bye Pete and Dickie.

I’m not say­ing it will hap­pen, only that it could.

What are the chances of peo­ple feel­ing strongly enough about Imo­gen and Suzie Ver­rico that they would pick up the phone and spend fifty pence?

It’s hard to say, isn’t it?

If it was a proper evic­tion vote, then it would be sim­ple; we would be see­ing the back of Michael and Spoirle and I don’t think any­one would argue with that.

As well as the “best friends” task, I’m enjoy­ing the prison task, espe­cially the twist, or twists if you’re keep­ing score.

The secret reward room is bril­liant and every home should have one! Well, my house to start. Don’t you think I deserve it?

Sorry this is a bit brief, but I’m work­ing like a dog this week and in this heat, it’s no fun. Have you ever had to run up and down moun­tains in a fur coat, with a small bar­rel of brandy hung from a col­lar around your neck? I didn’t think so!

Oh one last thing and it’s an “I told you so!”

In my last BB col­umn, I said Nikki Gra­hame deserved her very own TV show and what do you know? E4 have announced that she will be star­ring in a new series after BB7 fin­ishes, called Princess Nikki.

Not only did I pre­dict this, but also they’ve stolen, or rather appro­pri­ated one of my ideas.

Admit­tedly it was a total rip-off of “The Sim­ple Life”, but I pub­lished it here before they made their announce­ment. I did, really, scroll down if you don’t believe me!

The supe­rior pro­gramme idea, “Nikki on the Couch” has yet to be com­mis­sioned, so I do remain ever hopeful!

Hey Ende­mol, if you’re read­ing this, I’m await­ing my roy­alty cheques! Just send them to the northlon­don­hippy in north Lon­don and let the post­man do the rest. Don’t worry, they know exactly where to find me!
It would be cheaper just to put me on your pay­roll. If you did, I’d let you have “Nikki on the Couch” as part of the deal. You know it makes sense!