Just when you thought it was safe to switch your TV set back on, along comes the 5th series of Celebrity Big Brother!

I’m the last person to complain, I’m a big fan of the format, as countless previous posts will confirm.

This year’s series looks like it’s going to be a fun one, with possibly the oddest mix of participants in the history of the programme.

OK, we’re lacking the shocks provided by the inclusion of George Galloway and Germaine Greer, but come on, Ken Russell’s presence is pure genius!

I realise that is probably lost of most viewers of CBB. I’m not being snobbish about this; he’s not as well known as Steven Spielberg, is he? He’s probably not even as well known as Guy Ritchie! And that’s a pity, but I expect people will be rediscovering his films all over the place now!

Ken Russell is the sort of director that film critics salivate over and media watchers everywhere will be going into meltdown. Big Ken gives a new respectability to CBB, and adds a level of intellectual masturbation never seen before on the show. Well done, Endemol.

The fact that he’s pushing 80 and the mere act of entering the house seemed to sap him of what little energy he had, should be some cause of concern, as I think if he died in the house, they might choose to prematurely end the run. That would suck; I want to see it go to its full 25 agonising days!

Ken’s already flashed his cock and balls at the dumb pretty girl who was Miss Pretty UK or something and now sleeps with a footballer. I’m not oversimplifying, am I?

She’ll probably turn lesbian after that seeing his “meat and two veg”, but let’s just hope she does so in the house with that other pretty girl, the one from India. I’ve never heard of her, but then I don’t know anything about Bollywood except that there’s a lot of singing and dancing.

Ok, so they are a bunch of nobodies. So what? In their minds, they are extremely important and very well known. Just look at Michael Jackson’s brother, Jermaine. He thinks everyone knows who he is and judging by the reactions of the other celebrities upon meeting him; that might not be 100% true.

Or Leo Sayer, who had hit records when this old hippy was a teenager twisting the night away at a school disco. Have his songs moved up the iTunes charts yet? They will.

The theme this year does appear to be singers, with the 2 former 90s pop stars, Jermaine, Leo and that young guy with the blonde hair doing the Spinal Tap impression! If that’s his audition, well done and I’m sure they’ll find a slot for him around 1am at the Comedy Store!

I know he calls himself Donny Douchebag or something, but come on! He’s a cliché of a parody of a CHEAP ANGRY SPINAL TAP IMPRESSION!

Did you see? He pissed in the shower before he discovered there was a separate toilet. Doh! You could splice that scene seamlessly into the “Spinal Tap”. If you like Donny, get the DVD and prepare to piss your pants! Or your shower!

The hot middle-aged lady from the Kenny Everett video show seems likable enough, if a bit mad. Nothing wrong with that! I bet she inspired some furtive wanking in her day, and probably still does today.

Oh and for the record, I’m the same age as Cleo, so that makes me middle aged too.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture that the outside favourite at this point is the only girl from S-Club that could actually sing. The bookies like Leo Sayer too, but I’m giving her the edge. Wait till she belts out a few tunes!

And I know her name, it’s Jo O’Meara and she had some spinal problems that got in the way of her pop career. She’s seems fine now and good luck too her.
I read the tabloids, so I know this stuff. I can’t help it. We all have our useless areas of expertise.

Jo seems down to earth, at least in the little bit I’ve seen.

And what’s the deal with the A-Team guy?

How desperate and/or broke is he? I think we all know the answer to that one! He comes off sharp and witty and I get the feeling it’s going to take a lot to get him to snap.

Is it going to be entertaining?

Isn’t it always!

I predict we’ll like some of them and hate some of them and every one of us will have different list for both categories. That’s just how it goes.

Bring on the next 3 and half weeks! Let them all go mental! Arm them with rusty knives and fill their heads with high-quality blotter acid. Starve them of food so they have to resort to cannibalism and that little blond guy from Steps gets spit-roasted, but not in the way he’s dreamt of all his life. Send three generations of Jade’s family into the house next door…

You know, some things are just too hideous to imagine. I’m sure glad there’s no chance that’s going to happen tonight!

PS
This really is your last chance to enter the “win the hippy for a weekend” contest! Go on, you know you want me!
Click here for the original post with all the details!

The winner will be announced soon!