The northlondonhippy

I’m find­ing the cur­rent series of Celebrity Big Brother quite painful to watch.

That’s why my eyes ache!

It’s also why there’s been such a long gap between my pre­vi­ous entry and this one; but not for lack of try­ing. I’ve started my follow-up on CBB three times already, which makes this ver­sion the fourth.

I just haven’t felt inspired.

This series has a lot of prob­lems and I am quite sur­prised that I’m say­ing this. Usu­ally, Ende­mol have their act together, but this time around, that is not the case.

From their choice of par­tic­i­pants, to the pace of the pro­gramme„ Ende­mol have mis­cal­cu­lated badly and this is the first time I’ve felt like it’s a com­plete mess.

Remem­ber, I’m a big fan of BB and nor­mally I dig it; you can’t imag­ine my disappointment!

I won’t dis­pute that last year’s CBB series was a hard act to fol­low and one that I didn’t expect them to eas­ily top. They could have at least tried.

Per­haps all the good celebri­ties have worked out just how tough it is being in the BB house and they had trou­ble find­ing will­ing par­tic­i­pants. Maybe, no amount of dosh is enough to secure the ones they really wanted, so instead they had to set­tle for this sad group of B-listers.

I wanted to like them all, I hoped they would be enter­tain­ing, but all of my BB hopes and dreams were very quickly dashed.

First, Donny Douchebag walked. On launch night, his drunken antics showed some promise and I expected more out­ra­geous­ness to fol­low. No such luck, as he stayed sober and quiet right up until he legged it over the wall.

The krazy Ken Rus­sell skedaddled.

There’s a word you don’t see every­day; “skedaddled”.

Ken is one of the coolest film­mak­ers in this coun­try and if you don’t believe, pick up a copy of “Tommy”. Have a spliff, put your feet up and pre­pared to be daz­zled. And the music is from The Who, so you just can’t lose!

He came off as an old eccen­tric and at nearly eighty years old, he was the most elderly con­test ever in Britain. We didn’t get enough of him, before he calmly asked to leave, with only his slip­pers in his place. I wish he stayed longer.

And then there’s “Every­one loves Leo” Sayer. Who knew how screwed up he was? I mean besides his Mrs, who appar­ently shagged Donny Douchebag once, in Leo’s bed. Classy!

But I mean, Jesus wept! I would never have imag­ined that Leo was that bark­ing mad! In Leo-land, he’s as big as the Bea­t­les. In Leo-land, every­one loves him. In Leo-land, I bet his songs are still in the charts!

His depar­ture, I must say, was highly amus­ing and I did laugh out loud at his obvi­ous men­tal short­com­ings. Cruel? Yes, but I’m honest.

Here’s the thing, an amus­ing depar­ture makes good view­ing for a few min­utes, but it doesn’t make a series!

The house could have done with keep­ing all three, but they couldn’t hack it. Leo, because they wouldn’t give him some clean undies and the other two because of the dreaded Goodys!

I’ll say this right now; I like Jade. She is always funny, but the laughs do come from her igno­rance. Just ask her about Eskimos!

Jade also can be quite cruel, as demon­strated by her treat­ment of poor Shipa. Jade is the leader of a cruel cabal­ist coven of bitchy witches that includes Jo and the dim, pretty one. Ok, Danielle if I must. Together, the three of them are meaner than the mean girls in the film, “Mean Girls”.

Shilpa Shetty is a guest in this coun­try, who has not put a sin­gle foot wrong in that house. She has pos­sesses a level of poise and class that should com­mand more respect. She is a sweet, sen­si­tive woman who does not deserve the grief heaped upon her by those three “guttersnipes”.

Danielle, on the other hand, is extremely beau­ti­ful, but hasn’t got some much of a drop of either poise or class. I guess when you’re that hot look­ing, you rely on your beauty much more than your per­son­al­ity and damn it shows! Her per­son­al­ity makes her far less attrac­tive, but it’s not keep­ing her off the front pages of the tabloids almost every day.

Shilpa has more tal­ent in her lit­tle fin­ger than Danielle could ever pos­sess in ten life­times. Shilpa acts, she dances and she deserves the celebrity she has. Danielle is pretty; lots of girls are pretty, it’s just most of them don’t base their entire lives around their looks.

The next time you’re at your local high street or in a pub or night­club, look around you. I promise you’ll see women just as hot as Dani. They’re just not blow­ing foot­ballers in the twi­light years of their careers in exchange for a lit­tle noto­ri­ety. It’s not that they couldn’t eas­ily go to China White’s and pull a foot­baller, they just choose not to!

But back to the Goodys. I don’t think Ende­mol had an inkling of the ruc­tions Jade and her plus-two were going to cause in the house. They could have han­dled it much better

I think Jack­iey can be amus­ing too, but only in small doses. She took over the house the sec­ond she arrived, or rather or mouth did. She start­ing talk­ing when she walked through the front door and just didn’t stop. She’s prob­a­bly still some­where, still talking!

Jack, Jade’s toy-boy, gold-digging dun­der­head of a fiancé by con­trast is prac­ti­cally mute. He hardly every says any­thing and when he does, it only serves to show just how stu­pid he is.

And he spaffed all over Jade’s leg! That was just nasty!

As for the rest of them, Jer­maine is just plain weird, but seems decent enough. And yes, I know com­pared to some of the other mem­bers of his fam­ily, he’s actu­ally quite nor­mal, but that’s not really say­ing much.

The Face-Man, Dirk Bene­dict also seems like a decent enough guy, but there is an air of des­per­a­tion about him that you can almost smell com­ing through your television.

I think Cleo might be a proper, full-on manic-depressive, though to be fair I’m not actu­ally a clin­i­cal psy­chi­a­trist, so my opin­ion doesn’t really count.

Jo from S Club is actu­ally noth­ing like I expected from my first impres­sion of her. I’m quite dis­ap­pointed in her behav­iour and atti­tude. At least I admit when I’m wrong.

And H from Steps, or rather Ian, seems like quite a sen­si­tive guy, though he is try­ing way too hard to be everyone’s best friend. No won­der he was sob­bing in the loo!

Who do I think is going to win?

Who cares! None of them are win­ners in my book!

I’d like to see Shilpa win, just to piss off the bul­lies and to let her know that the UK isn’t chock full of racist louts. Of course we have are share, as does any coun­try, but most of us are noth­ing like that. Thank fuck!

When­ever Shilpa leaves the house, she is deserv­ing of a warm and cour­te­ous recep­tion and any­one boo­ing her should be shot on sight.

I’m issu­ing writ­ten instruc­tions to my per­sonal secu­rity staff right now. They are all ex-SAS, which means they cost a for­tune, but man oh man, they always get the job done!

Comments are closed.