The northlondonhippy

I feel the need to post some­thing this morning.

Any­thing!

I feel the need to amuse, inform and entertain.

I feel the need to make my pres­ence felt on the world wide whaddiyacallit.

There’s only one problem…

I’ve got noth­ing to say!

Well, that’s not strictly true, I’ve always got some­thing to say.

Who doesn’t? They say opin­ions are like ass­holes; everybody’s got one.

Or in my world, I refer to a lot of peo­ple as “opin­ions” and if you think about the pre­vi­ous sen­tence, you’ll decode the secret mes­sage that these par­tic­u­lar peo­ple never seem to get!

What I really mean is, I don’t have a topic to drone on about this morn­ing. Yes, it is morn­ing, here in north Lon­don, right now as I am tap­ping away on my key­board, writ­ing this dri­vel just for you!

And it is just for you, my beloved, loyal and truly adored hippyfans.

As my mother used to say, when she would yell at me for some­thing that she had already yelled at me for; “I’m not yelling just to hear myself. I’m shout­ing at you!”

Well, it’s the same when I post some­thing. I’m not post­ing this so I can read it; that’s the intended pur­pose of my thoughts. No, I am post­ing this non­sense to be read, appre­ci­ated and pos­si­bly wor­shipped slightly.

Ok, not wor­shipped slightly, but totally and com­pletely, like the true liv­ing god that I am.

Ah-hem.

Any­way, that can’t be true, because I can’t be god and “a mes­siah for the new mil­len­nium” at the same time can I? I can surely try!

Dou­ble ah-hem, now just leave it, you pseudo-deity.

Actu­ally, it’s cool that I’ve made a god ref­er­ence; because I had a real cre­ative break­through on some­thing I’ve been work­ing on for a very long time. It’s one of those extra lit­tle side projects of mine that I men­tion from time to time and it has noth­ing to do with my real life job or this blog.

Basi­cally, it’s a novel I’ve had per­co­lat­ing in my head for over ten years and here’s where it gets confusing…it’s my semi-fictionalised auto­bi­og­ra­phy. It’s my life lived right in a lot of ways and very much the same as real­ity too.

I told you it was con­fus­ing! No won­der it’s taken me this long to get my head around it.

Any­way, the break­through has to do with the phi­los­o­phy behind the story and one of the themes that will per­vade the narrative.

Ooooooh! Lis­ten to me get all pon­cey and pseudo-intellectual!

Remem­ber, it’s bet­ter to be a pseudo-intellectual than a proper one, because us PI’s have actu­ally touched a girl, smoked a spliff and danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Maybe that last bit’s just me.

The theme and phi­los­o­phy of which I speak is the total rejec­tion of the con­cept of god and god’s exis­tence to the point of extreme blasphemy.

If I can’t be god, then no one can!

I’ve never believed in god (and the lack of a cap­i­tal G is infuck­ing­ten­tional), not even as a child. I can remem­ber ques­tion­ing the logic of it all at a very early age and think­ing that it was as ridicu­lous as Santa and the Tooth Fairy (again, cap­i­tals on pur­pose, blas­phemy ain’t just for xmas, it’s for life!).

I’m not say­ing you can’t believe in god, if you want to. It’s your choice and I believe in reli­gious free­dom, espe­cially the free­dom to reject it all.
You can have faith in a “higher power”, if you need to; or per­haps a belief in an order to the uni­verse, if you must.

I might even buy into that one; that there is order to the uni­verse. I just don’t think we will have the slight­est clue as to what that order is as the enor­mity of it as a con­cept is well beyond the capa­bil­i­ties of the tiny lit­tle meat-computers in our head.

So was that last sen­tence, nearly!

And look, if you do believe in god and you really think that there’s a guy in the sky with a long white beard and a longer white robe, run­ning the show down here, then you must absolutely detest him because of all the point­less grief and suf­fer­ing his actions cause us every day of our stink­ing, rot­ten exis­tence on this hell­hole of a planet we call home!

If any­thing, all the bad, the evil, the shit in this world is proof pos­i­tive that there is no god. For if there were a god, then bad things wouldn’t hap­pen to good peo­ple and pets. For if there were a god and he cre­ated us in his image, he sure as shit would treat us all a lot better.

Now, if I were god, life for every­one would be noth­ing but free beer, weed and blowjobs. You’d all have per­fect health and per­fect lives and you could have a lie-in every Sun­day (or Fri­day or Sat­ur­day, or every­day depend­ing upon your present denom­i­na­tion and level of devo­tion) because I wouldn’t want to be wor­shipped in the clas­sic “go to church” sense of the word.

But I’m not god, I’ve never been god and unless my take on the uni­verse is com­pletely wrong, I’ll never be god. And this last sen­tence is proof I’m not insane either!

If you approach it ratio­nally and log­i­cally, there’s only one con­clu­sion that can be reached: God didn’t cre­ate man, man cre­ated god. And man did a shitty job of it too!

And that’s the under­cur­rent of my next novel. Bet it will top the best­seller list in the first print­ing! After all, you will all buy it, won’t you?

In the next cou­ple of weeks, once I wrap up a few other things, I’m going to be ded­i­cat­ing a lot of time to this par­tic­u­lar side project. I’m giv­ing myself a very loose six months to com­plete a first draft of it. Then comes the really hard part…convincing some­one it’s good enough to publish.

And if I fail, there’s always the inter­net. I hear they let you pub­lish any old shit on the web. If they didn’t, then how did this par­tic­u­lar hip­py­post get here?

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