Where’d the last year go?

It seems like it wasn’t that long ago that I was previewing the seventh series of Big Brother, and now here I am writing about BB 8, which launches on Channel 4 this evening.

Can you feel the excitement?

Neither can I.

Usually, there is more of a build-up to the start of a BB series, but it seems to me that there’s far less of a buzz. It seems that the whole thing is distinctly low key.

That’s probably intentional following the international controversy surrounding Celebrity BB, a few months ago. Remember? Shilpa Shetty vs Jade Goody? How could you forget!

The producers of BB, Endemol, don’t want any trouble, yet they know that the programme is really only successful when there is conflict. Channel 4, on the other hand, view BB as the cash cow that it is; it’s responsible for generating the lion’s share of C4’s annual income, so they want to be as cautious as possible.

C4’s desire to avoid any problems have led to various rumours: about a crack police squad monitoring the live feed, with powers to arrest housemates or shut the entire thing down; newspaper reports that C4 has vetoed several potential housemates for being a bit too “wacky”, instead insisting on safer choices. And most of all, they have stated that the theme of this year’s series is “fun and love”.

Oh dear. I really hope most of that is bullshit. Personally, I’d rather see the police out on the streets, arresting violent criminals, not watching TV for three months!

The house design is meant to reflect this sense of fun. They’ve put the cooker in the bedroom! Crazy, man! They might even deny them a toaster and kettle! Good, golly, gosh, what will they do?

Am I sounding a bit jaded this time around? Damn straight, I am. BB is supposed get bigger, meaner, wilder, and nastier, every year and it feels like we’ve taken several giant steps backwards.

I don’t want a kinder, gentler, Big Brother. That would suck in so many ways and on so many levels. I want twists, I want conflict, and I want people to hate each other! That’s not too much to ask for, is it?

There’s one wildcard in all of this, that will compensate for whatever steps the powers that be take, to keep things level and that’s the 12 new housemates. Even with all the screening and psychiatric testing, they are still just people and that makes them unpredictable. It’s down to them to do things that keep us all hooked.

And we will be hooked, we always are; the programme is addictive. I don’t know about you, but I have an addictive personality and just can’t help myself. Once I start watching, I know I’ll stay with it till the bitter end. You will too.

As I’ve said countless times, I am a sucker for the format. What does that say about me? What does it say about everyone who watches?

It says that deep down, we’re all voyeurs and given the chance, we’d sneak a peak at anything.

Do your ears perk up when you hear someone whispering? When you see a married couple bickering in a shop, do you try to secretly glance their way, to see what you can pick up? And when your neighbours argue, do you turn down the TV, to try to hear what they are saying?

Big Brother is almost the same, though you need not hide your shame when you stare at it, full-on, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Big Brother appeals to the secret Peeping Tom in all of us.

Controversy will always find a way, where BB is concerned. I’m sure no matter what they do to keep things calm, it will still make the front pages of the newspapers before the summer is out. “Big Brother in SOMETHING shock” the headlines will scream.

At the very end of the series, so says another rumour, they are going to blow the house up, as they are moving to a new location next year. That would imply that the explosives would need to be set before the finale, in and around the remaining housemates. Is that safe? Does it matter? At least it insures one way or another, that we will see some sparks fly inside that house!

So there you go, that’s my little look ahead to the next three months of BB. Expect sporadic hippy coverage of Big Brother 8, right here, whenever I feel like it.