The UN’s International Panel on Climate Change, or IPCC as it is known, has issued the starkest warning so far on the expected effects of climate change. Check out what the “newspaper of record”, the NYT has to say about it by clicking RIGHT HERE.

The group, who were co-winners of the Nobel Peace Prize this year, along with Al Gore, have said that if we don’t get our shit together and soon, we’re all going to die.

Ok, perhaps those weren’t the exact words the panel used in their report, but trust me, that’s what they meant. Our continued consumption of all the resources mother earth has to offer is screwing up the planet and we won’t be able to recover from this one.

The report says that we all have to take some dramatic action to avert this looming environmental disaster.

As if!

Sure, China will stop building their coal-burning powerplants at the rate of a new one every week.

Of course, people will junk their gas-guzzling SUVs and sports cars in favour of bicycles.

And we’ll all charge our iPods less frequently and sit around in dark rooms, not watching TV.

Let’s face facts; no one is going to change their lifestyle in the slightest to preserve the future of life on the planet. Why would we? We like our modern conveniences, our central heating, our air-conditioning, our refridgerators. We love our computers and televisions. We love nothing better than taking a joy ride in our big, combustion motor propelled vehicles and our cheap Easyjet flights that cost less than train journeys. We like our fresh seasonal fruit and veg, flown in from whatever country is currently in season. I had some fresh sugar snap peas last week that came from Latin America – who would want frozen or tinned?

The IPCC should be commended for the work they are doing, but let’s not live under any illusions that the recommendations they’ve made will be widely adopted. They won’t be. We’re fucked. Seriously. Fucked.

Some of you will be frightened by this, but most of us will take it in our stride and go about our days like nothing is wrong. Works for me!

What’s the point of worrying about something you can’t prevent? Climate change, global warming, whatever you want to call it, seems as inevitable as death and taxes, though once we’re all dead, there will be no more taxes. See, there is a bright side.

I would suggest you all turn your central heating (or aircon) up to full blast, fill up your tank with super-premium petrol and go for a long drive. Leave your lights on at home and throw all your glass, paper, plastic and cardboard in the non-recycling bin. If we’re all going to have to die, we might as well enjoy the ride while we can, so smoke ‘em if you got ‘em and that includes fossil fuels!