The northlondonhippy

Archive for February, 2008

The following is an urgent health bulletin from the north London lair of the northlondonhippy:

I’ve been ill for about the last week.

Bulletin ends
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But this is a blog! You want details!

I went to work last Weds, feeling poorly and by the time I reached my office, I was shivering and sweating at the same time – I had a fever. I felt unbelievably bad, my joints ached, my back ached, everything hurt. I finally went home, where I spent the following 2 days, mainly in the same condition and sleeping as much as I could.

I also had the shits. The last time I had it this bad was following a trip to Somalia, around 15 years ago. That time, I got to visit the Hospital for Tropical Diseases for tests, because I had it for 6 months. It wasn’t fun.

Since then, my bowels have been reasonably healthy, excluding the odd curry, or minor bout of food poisoning from the office canteen. Following my experience 15 years ago, this last week has been a bit worrying.

The fever went last Friday and as long as I don’t eat solid food, I seem to be OK. Problem is, my appetite returned on Saturday, but I discovered quickly that eating was still a bad idea.

Mrs. H and I had theatre tickets for last night, something we don’t do that often and we planned on having a meal out as well. We made the play, but had to miss out on dinner, because I couldn’t risk eating. Sad, eh?

Oh, the play was David Mamet’s “Speed the Plough” at the Old Vic, starring Jeff Goldblum and Kevin Spacey. We both enjoyed it very much, but then with that cast and a Mamet script, you couldn’t possibly go wrong.

I don’t know what to do about eating and I have to return to work tonight. I can’t live on cans of Coke for the next three shifts…or can I?

Caffeine and sugar might work, if I ingest enough, I could certainly run on purely Coca Cola for three days without any ill effects. I’m positive 9 out of 10 doctors recommend a strict Coke-only diet to sort out your poopy guts.

I should check the NHS Direct website to see if it meets with their approval.

Anything that prevents you from asking your doctor for help, meets with the NHS’s approval.

I haven’t called my doctor on this one, yet, because I really did check the NHS Direct website and based upon my symptoms, I need to shit my brains out for a full 2 weeks before they have any concern, unless I am shitting blood or have incredibly painful abdominal cramps. So far, no blood and my cramps are only moderately painful and they come and go.

What I think I have is some sort of intestinal infection, which is why it started out with a fever as well. More than likely, my body will kill off the infection before the NHS-prescribed 2 week period elapses and I’ll be producing solid poo’s again. I’ll send each and every one of you a text alert on that happy day, so make sure you keep your mobile phone switched on!

You see, this is what real blogging is all about…an intimate tour of my infected intestines. If they put a camera up my ass, rest assured the video will be uploaded to YouTube as soon as I can digitise it.

If anyone ever tells you that blogging is shit, just send them a link to this entry. People like to be right and you would be providing them with the validation they so desperately crave.

I was thinking last night, as I often do, about completely pointless matters.

Yes, I was thinking about myself.

Its useful to take stock in one’s self occasionally, if nothing else, its always for a good laugh and if you can’t laugh at yourself, don’t worry, there will be plenty of other people to do it for you…

After this short bout of soul searching, I didn’t locate my soul (probably because I don’t have one), but I did come to a rather amusing conclusion:

I am a professional hippy.

It’s true.

Well, sort of.

I don’t make my living being a hippy, but it certainly contributes to the bigger financial picture, but more than that, when I sit down in front of my iMac, log-in and blog-on to my site, I am indeed a hippy. Dig it!

Think of it like someone being “gay for pay”, only I don’t have to do anything icky.

In my real life, I’m not that much of a hippy, but put me online, send me a little dosh and I become hippified until I am the personification of hippydom. I’m so hippy, dippy and trippy, I even techno-trance myself out!

Smoking dope like a motherfucker doesn’t really qualify me as a hippy, but my pursuit of peace, love and understanding does.

You know, I want the world to be a better place, I want us to love each other and take care of each other and mainly not fuck each other over so much, but who am I kidding? What have I done in the last week to make the world a better place?

Precisely, sweet F-A.

That’s not totally true, I’ve stayed close to home and out of the public view, that must be good for the world…

I talk the talk, but dammit if I don’t walk the walk. I haven’t brought peace to the world or fed all the starving children. I haven’t even hugged a stranger, recently.

I had to stop hugging strangers, actually. The police, it turns out, frown on that sort of behaviour. Who would have thunk it?

So what can I do to make the world a better place? I can just keep blogging!

My words can change the world…provided the entire world reads every one of them and then follows my simple rules to the letter.

And my rules are simple, just do good and be good at every possible opportunity. Not because you fear god, or you fear the law, or because you fear anything, but because doing good and being good are right and proper.

We’re all stuck on this lump of rock together, so we need to be able to share. No one has the right to any more than you, but no one should expect any less either.

Got too much? Give some of it away!

Got too little? Someone should help you out! I would, if I could.

Don’t hate people because they are different from you, learn to love them for their differences! We’re all the same, you know, deep down, where it counts.

Do something unselfish, do something selfless, do it anonymously, so that only you know you did it.

Be generous, of yourself, your time and your possessions.

You don’t have to love everyone, even I relent on that one, but don’t hate. We all have the right to exist, so lets just let everyone do that. Please.

Forget about national boundaries. Countries are stupid and tribal. Tribes are stupid too. There’s only one tribe any of us belong to and that’s the human tribe. We’re all in this together, we should act like it.

Imagine for a second if we abolished border controls and just let everyone go where they wanted. How cool would that be? People could just travel where they wanted, do what they wanted. Why should someone be condemned to a horrible life on the basis of the geography of their birth?

Be responsible for others and look out for them. It doesn’t matter who…your family, your friends, complete strangers, just have their best interests at heart. Don’t worry, if we all did that, your back would be covered too.

Maybe my wide-eyed idealism is enough to justify bestowing the title “hippy” upon me after all!

Let’s all live in the hippy’s socialist wonderworld! If I could work out how to get you all inside my imagination at the same time, we’d be one step closer. Maybe with a shoehorn?

A-hoy hippyfans, there be hippies here!

Well, one hippy, actually and I’m not even a real hippy. Sue me for false advertising and then request a full refund!

My month of little working isn’t panning out as I had planned. Who’s surprised? No matter how much free time I have, its never enough, but then it’s never really free either.

How do normal people do it? You know, people who work Monday through Friday, 9-5, every week. How do they manage to keep it all together with nothing but the weekend to do their real life stuff? It boggles my mind.

For the better part of the last 20 years, I’ve managed to avoid the Mon-Fri routine. The life of a shiftworker is much more fun and there’s nothing I like better than having days off during the week. Except maybe easy sex and hard drugs, but then they go hand in hand with lots of free time and the soul of a junior-satan.

Don’t you have the soul of a junior satan? Guess its just me then!

You see, I understand the inherent difference between good and bad, I’m just a bit capricious when it comes to deciding which side of the line to choose. I make up my own mind, using my own moral compass for guidance and my “true north” probably differs from most people’s.

I often choose the path of least resistance, but then at my age and so lacking in ambition and direction, what else would I do?

I spent an entire day this week swapping out my shitty, cheap old stereo for a brand new, shiny silver AV Amp. I bought a Pioneer VSX-917v and saved 60 quid waiting until after xmas. That’s when I first scoped it out, back in December, but elected to wait and it was a wise decision.

My old stereo, an 8 year old Technics, was a combo CD player, cassette deck(!!) and radio receiver, but all I really used it for is the amp, which had SKY+, a DVD player and my mac mini connected to it, all with stereo analogue connections. For the last couple of months, the sound has been cutting out, only restored by a well placed, measured slap on the top of the unit with a flat palm. I’m sure that’s the best way to fix anything, anyway.

The cutting out was steadily worsening, so I ordered the Pioneer unit a couple of weeks ago and finally got around to installing it last week.

I bought some digital audio cables, TOSlinks for the mini and SKY+ and a digital coaxial for the DVD player. The new amp was too big to go on the shelf where the old stereo lived, which meant I had to tear down the entire set-up and re-cable it all from scratch. Yawn.

It took me a few hours to rip it all apart and clean out the years of dust trapped in the inaccessible bits and a couple more hours to reinstall, configure and test everything, but eventually I had it all working well.

The new amp will support 7.1 audio, but my living room won’t. I can’t even fit 5.1, because I have no space for the rear surround speaker. Right now, it only has 2 speakers connected, but I have a subwoofer ordered and the space cleared for it when it comes.

Everything worked great the first day it was connected and I was very pleased with the sound quality. I kept the Technics speakers from the old set-up because they are small, but decent and are bi-amped, which the Pioneer also supports. I am very happy with the sound and expect the subwoofer will make it sound even better.

On the second day, Mrs. Hippy discovered a burning smell coming out of the amp. It turns out, the amp runs ridiculously hot and needs to be well ventilated. It’s current home, underneath the shelf where my TV lives, has precious little space between the top of the Pioneer and the shelf. Ut-oh. I have to move the Pioneer. Yawn.

My house is small, and my living room is smaller. I don’t have any other options for placing the Pioneer amp. I have to magic up a 50cm x 50cm space, and I think I’ve found it, all I need is a small table to put the amp on…and IKEA sells one for £7.99. Now, I just have to get myself to IKEA, which is hell on earth with extra-added yuppies.

I don’t want my new amp to burn up, it sounds far too good. Right now, I have a small fan aimed at it, which doesn’t really help with the ambient noise levels, but does keep things cooler and smelling less like an electrical fire! Hopefully, I’ll have the whole thing sorted out in the next day or so.

I meant to wake up really early this morning and visit IKEA, but I didn’t. Maybe I’ll go later today, if the spirit moves me.

I also need to buy another set of cables…longer ones. Repositioning the amp puts it out of range of all the new cables I bought.

Nothing in my life is ever easy, not even the simplest of tasks. Swapping out an old stereo for a new amplifier shouldn’t become a major engineering project. And I should be taller, too!

I’m still digging excellent coffee every day, though, which softens the blow on everything. Right now, I am sipping a freshly made cappuccino, crafted by my own hand not five minutes ago, from freshly ground beans that were grown in El Salvador and roasted 10 days ago. Yumm.

This week’s coffee battle has been over frothed milk. Frothing milk properly takes practise and skill and I woefully inadequate at creating microfoam, which is the goal of baristas. Microfoam has a velvety texture and is pourable, you should never need to spoon it into the cup. It shouldn’t have peaks either and shouldn’t be stiff like whipped egg whites.

I’ve yet to work out the secret to perfect microfoam, though I am trying all the tricks suggested online, from chilling the metal jug, to using full-fat milk. Actually, and this makes no sense to me at all, I am having better luck with skimmed milk, which defies logic and everything I’ve read online. Go figure.

Don’t laugh, one day my coffee brewing skills may save my life. When TV news finally chews me up and spits me out, Starbucks here I come!

People are always going on about the dangers of illegal drugs, but precious little gets said about the abuse of pharmaceutical medications. Since the death of actor, Heath Ledger, that’s starting to change.

Check out THIS ARTICLE from today’s Observer newspaper, please.

The only quote I’m going to reproduce, is a small bit from the tease at the top of the page:

“…misuse of over-the-counter pills now kills more Americans than illegal drugs.”

I have to put my hand in the air and admit I didn’t know that. Did you?

Of course I know pharms are dangerous, any drug can be dangerous if used irresponsibly or recklessly, but I didn’t realise that they were killing more Americans than street drugs.

The only prescription drug I’ve really taken recreationally is Valium and that was usually to make the come down from other drugs easier. And that’s it. In other words, I don’t have much first hand experience of recreational pharm use.

I certainly can see the temptation though. Swallow a pill, get high. Simple, clean and effective.

I also know that prescription pills are fiercely addictive. And I know that taking too many can lead to death.

People turn to legal drugs, well, because they’re legal. They’re also cleaner and less likely to be cut with any old rubbish. The dosages are consistent, the manufacture controlled and regulated and the distribution, if you have a prescription, is from a nice, well lit shop selling them at reasonable prices, along with loads of other useful goods. Why not pick up a handy home First Aid kit, while you’re there?

People also turn to pharms because what they might prefer, is illegal, possibly cut with any old rubbish, with inconsistent dosages, poor manufacturing conditions and sold by some creepy guy in the back of a pub or on a street corner in the bad part of town, at night.

Do you see where I’m headed.

If proper recreational drugs, like my beloved weed were legal and a safe supply was available, then more people would smoke dope and less people would abuse pills, ergo: less people will die prematurely.

The illegality of preferable substances is the main thing driving decent folks to abuse what’s in their medicine cabinets.

If you piss-test positive for cannabis in a work-drugs test, you’re fucked. If you come up positive for opiates, you just say you have a “bad back” and no one blinks an eye.The fact that you go home and pain pills with a litre of Stoli is your little secret…until your body is discovered lying in a pool of sick, in your bed and you’re not breathing!

Look, no drug is safe, but all drugs can be made safer if you have the right information and don’t fear seeking it out. Crossing the street’s not safe, but we make it safer by learning to look both ways. “Harm reduction” is what its called and with drugs too, you can reduce the chances of problems with a little bit of knowledge.

In light of this tragedy taking place in America, I am issuing an open call to all lawmakers there to set an example to the world and legalise all recreational substances! Let’s reduce the number of Americans who are dying from the effects of prescription drug abuse and give them the choice of safely enjoying the goodies of their choosing!

Who am I kidding? America will just declare war on chemists or doctors, or the prescription meds themselves. That’s the more their style. There’s more of a chance of them doing that, than anything remotely sensible…

Happy fucking February, fuckers!

February is one of my favourite months, because its the shortest. It breezes right by like nobody’s business, though this year there’s an extra day, because its leap year. Great.

January was hardcore for me, I worked way too much and slept way too little. Last night I slept 14 continuous hours. I guess I needed it. February is going to be easier.

I’m not working as much this month, partially by design. I’ve got to sort out a few things that are only possible in the daylight and I want to deal with a few personal matters as well.

Hopefully this also means that you guys will be seeing a bit more from me, though I didn’t do that badly in January, considering my lack of free time. Maybe its all the coffee!

Since I got my new coffee set-up, I am drinking lots more of the stuff and I am buzzing on caffeine like crazy. It means I have to smoke even more weed to stay mellow, so its like I’m grooving on nature’s grooviest speedball. I’m up, I’m down, I’m up, I’m down and then eventually I’m somewhere in the middle.

I’ve been checking out different beans because I need to learn more about them. I was using blends, but now I am trying some single estates, all roasted to order from the cool website I’ve been ordering from recently. Mrs. H prefers the single bean coffee and I think I do too. I’m trying a different one every few days or so.

My brother and I have been toying with the idea of revamping my website again. This design’s been up for 2 years now, maybe it is time for a change. What would you like to see me do differently?

How about a forum? It would solve my comment problem. I miss having people comment here, but I don’t miss the 1000s of spam-comments I was receiving day after day. Besides, if anyone is going to punt counterfeit viagra on my website, it’s going to be me, dammit! Counterfeit viagra is probably just as effective as the real thing, anyway, because its all just a placebo effect. Swallow this blue smartie and have the increased confidence in your erection, or chew it for a nice chocolately treat!

Or how about a streaming webcam showing you my life 24/7? You could watch me order takeaways and roll spliffs and that’s just at work! At home, you would get to see me cleaning out litter boxes and brewing espressos, often at the exact same time!

Maybe the streaming webcam is a bad idea, since I’d never be able to have another wank again, unless I did it in public and there are far too many CCTV cameras to get away with that, so I might as well just do it at home in front of my streaming webcam and all of you.

There’s not going to be a webcam and there’s not going to be any wanking.

Without the webcam, though, you’ll never know for sure!