The northlondonhippy

I’m not stu­pid. I’m well aware my pres­ence hasn’t been felt in these parts for nearly a god­damn fort­night. The usual expla­na­tions and lame-ass excuses apply.

Or as we’ve pre­vi­ously estab­lished, I’m crap, but hon­est about it. That’s more than politi­cians or your boss would ever admit, so I still rock, just a little.

I don’t like it when I drop off the face of the vir­tual earth and often I am plagued by guilt and feel­ings of worth­less­ness for not pro­vid­ing you with a con­stant sup­ply of ready made enter­tain­ment and laughs aplenty…just as I am right this second.

Yes, it’s going to be one of *those* posts again, where I say very lit­tle, but still hit a thou­sand point­less words. I promise a few jokes along the way.

Here’s one I remem­bered from years ago, back when I was a far more unpleas­ant per­son to work with:

==========
Other Per­son: Blah blah blah (in a nasty tone)

Me: Do you know what hap­pened to the last per­son who spoke to me like that?

OP: (Bemused shrug)

Me: Nei­ther does his fuck­ing fam­ily!
==========

Trust me, deliv­ered with right amount of men­ace and glee, it will end most, if not all heated argu­ments rather swiftly and as long as there are no reli­able wit­nesses, it can’t really be clas­si­fied as a direct threat, so you’re cool.

You know, I for­got to mark my anniver­sary a cou­ple of weeks ago. Even sil­lier, it was the date of my pre­vi­ous post, the 18th of March. Yep, kids the hip­py­blog of your dreams is 4 years old. Can you dig it?

I can’t believe I’m still doing this, what­ever it is exactly that I do here. We know its not really blog, it kind of mas­quer­ades as one though. I don’t really sell any­thing directly, though of course you can still buy my bong (and as a quick foot­note, they appear to be back in stock on EDIT, but they don’t seem to stay there for long).

What started out as a made-up on the fly nick­name for the EDIT forums has turned into a global media empire. Ok, maybe not an empire, more of a part time hobby for a manic-depressive, obsessive-compulsive, nar­cis­sis­tic sociopath with an absurdly large cock. I mean really, if I was in pro­por­tion to it, I’d be eleven-foot tall!

But I digress, as I often do…as I always do, in odd direc­tions with sur­real asides, but you still all put up with me. You tol­er­ate my lit­tle quirks, my twisted vision of the world, and lest we for­get, my giant prick.

You guys, yes you, out there in inter­net­land, you’re the ones who really mat­ter in this equa­tion. I’m just the cheap enter­tain­ment, the court jester, the laugh­ing on the out­side, rot­ting like death on the inside sort of clown you’d cross the street to avoid, yet you all keep com­ing back and you keep bring­ing along your mates!

As way of thanks to my loyal fans, I’m going to run a long over­due con­test with an actual prize bought with my own actual money. That’s right, gen­uine swag from the hippy, but I’m not going to tell you what it is yet, because I haven’t ordered it. I want it in my hot, sweaty hands before I promise it to the world. That’s fair and rea­son­able, isn’t it.

So thanks to all of my hip­py­fans for giv­ing me a rea­son to keep doing this. If I’m any­thing to go by, when a tree falls in the for­est and there’s no one around, it really doesn’t make a sound. Thanks for hang­ing out in my for­est and let­ting me make noise…and that’s where this stu­pid sim­ile ends.

Oh and I didn’t make it to 1000 words, but 681 ain’t too shabby.

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