Well fuck me, look who it is!

I mean me. Where the hell have I been?

I’ve been nowhere, doing nothing. Honest, officer, I swear.

That’s not strictly true, because I am still the part time libertycityhippy, so you know where I’ve been hanging out sometime.

I’ve also been working a fair bit, but my schedule has been all over the place without any sort of pattern, rhyme or reason.

I’ve been distracted, I’ve been unfocused, or as it say in the larger, yellow font above, I’ve just been “coasting through life.” That means anything requiring the slightest of effort has been relegated to another day…and when another day comes, I am gonna be one busy hippy.

I wish I could be telling you otherwise, that I’ve been busy recording my album, or writing another book, or providing sexual favours to a small gang of voraciously demanding 16 year old glamour models. I wish I could tell you lots of things, but I won’t lie to you.

I can’t lie to you. It would be easier if I could.

I get up everyday and seem to be busy, I don’t actually just sit in a dark room all the time, yet I couldn’t tell you what eats my time away. Maybe its some time-eating monster from another dimension.

How cool would that be? To be a time-eating monster from another dimension, travelling to north London to eat hippy time. I wonder what time tastes like?

Probably time tastes like chicken. Everything tastes like chicken.

Never mind time monsters, now its just time to meander…

I was very disheartened and sad to read of the passing of George Carlin, yet another big influence on me when I was younger. Along with Hunter S and Kurt V, George Carlin was a hero of my youth.

I used to listen to George Carlin’s albums endlessly with an absolute obsession. His humour, on the surface, could be seen as crude, but when you explored what he was actually saying, it was genuinely profound. His comedy dealt with word-play and idea-play and nothing in this life escaped his critical gaze.

Just off the top of my head:

Words that go together, yet are contradictory:

Jumbo Shrimp
Military Intelligence

But the words he’s most famous for are the following seven:

shit
piss
fuck
cunt
cocksucker (not a bad man, but a good woman!)
motherfucker
tits (sounds like a snack. I’ll have the cheese tits)

And later on he added:

fart
turd
twat

And one that still makes me laugh, “You can prick your finger, but you can’t finger your prick.”

Carlin continued to perform practically right up to his death on Sunday, his final gig was the previous weekend. While in the business for nearly 50 years, his jokes never went stale and he never, ever ran out of material. How could he? The human race excels in stupidity and that could have continued to fuel his humour for centuries.

Sorry to see you go, George. You left your mark on this world and we won’t ever forget you. Something tells me that another generation will be discovering you very soon, thanks to your untimely demise.

Speaking of death (and inappropriate segues), my Logitech Harmony 885 remote bit the big one this week. It thinks its working, when you press the buttons, but it doesn’t seem to be transmitting any infrared signals. This is a bummer of enormous proportions, as it it is the central command for my small, yet perfectly formed media centre. My life is now awash with too many device-specific remote controls.

The upside to this is that the remote is still under warranty and I am waiting for a call back from Logitech support which I hope will result in them sending me a replacement. The first guy I spoke to tried to help me sort it out over the phone, but his remedies didn’t do diddley. I’m missed their return call yesterday, but they should phone me back again later today.

And staying with my electronic theme, I cancelled my Vodafone contract today, in anticipation of having a brand new, shiny, lickable iPhone 3G on launch day, which is 11th July, just over a fortnight from today. Vodafone were surprisingly mellow about my departure, no hard sell, the phone call was brief and painless. Actually, the guy was so nice, I told him I was switching to O2 for the iPhone - usually I don’t tell these people anything, so this is out of character for me. I’m a marketer’s worst nightmare!

Once I get my fancy new iPhone, I’m going to experiment with blogging from it. I’m not sure how it will go, but I like the idea of providing short posts on the fly. We’ll see if the reality keeps up with the fantasy!

I did consider playing around with Twitter, but I got frustrated at the registration phase. The character limit of your screen name on Twitter is far too short and I couldn’t fit northlondonhippy into the tiny little box. None of that matters anyway, I mean who in their right mind would sign up to follow me around on Twitter? How many times can you read: “had a piss, now smoking a spliff”, over and over every day?

While you ponder that, I’m going to go for a piss, then smoke a spliff.

See, I told ya it would be lame…