Archive for July 4th, 2009
July 4th, 2009 | 
Author: Dig it, hep cats. Your hippy’s back and he’s bigger, badder and higher than ever!
Ok, some of that first statement may not be true. Please allow me to deconstruct it for you:
- I haven’t been anywhere, therefore I can’t be “back”
- I’m still the same height I’ve been since I was 16. I’m not “bigger”, unless you count my ego and I don’t.
- I’ve always been pretty bad, short of murdering someone, I don’t think it would be possible for me to be “badder”.
- I’m always high, so how could be “higher”? “Higher” than what?
So basically, I’ve already wasted 30 seconds of your valuable surfing time with utter nonsense and bullshit. What a start!
Truth is, much like London, my brain is a bit fried from the heat. This week’s been a bit unbearable. And don’t forget the humidity!
How could I ever forget the sickening, thick heavy feel of the atmosphere around me this week? It would be fine if I was on holiday in the Med on a sandy beach, lying in the shade with frozen daiquiris brought to me whenever I snapped my fingers, but I’m not. Instead, I’m stuck in my north London ghetto hell.
My lair is brilliant in the winter, it holds on to heat like nobody’s business, but in the summer that quality is a curse. Also, I have a small, southern facing conservatory, which acts as a super-efficient solar heater for the entire house. It hit a balmy 46 degrees C in there this week, which easily boosts the overall temp in my house to 32 or 33 degrees C.
In other words, fucking hot!
And before you ask, the conservatory does have blinds, on the ceiling and windows, light coloured, but they don’t seem to make a difference. I’m considering replacing them with totally opaque blinds, that reflect light and heat. I’ve thought about it before, but its a big job that I couldn’t do myself.
Anyway, I’ve got countless fans, a couple of dehumidifiers (which rock!) and a giant air conditioner, which help a bit, but can’t compete with the fierce effects of the conservatory. I can just about make it comfortable to sit on the sofa in my living room, but so much as shift position or god-forbid stand up, and its suddenly like entering a sauna.
London wasn’t built for tropical weather, certainly my 100+ year old house wasn’t. Its early in the summer to be sweltering like this.
I don’t see how anyone can deny climate change when they have litres of sweat running off their foreheads and into their eyes. Trust me, it stings.
I wonder if I could get planning permission to put a swimming pool into my tiny back garden. Clearly nothing Olympic sized, just a small plunge pool for cooling off. How much of a bribe would it take? And how much would the pool cost?
All more than I would want to spend.
One just has to accept that its going to be a long, hot, horrible summer in the city and do whatever you can to just get through it.
And if the heat doesn’t getcha, there’s always the swine flu.
Health authorities in the UK announced this week that swine flu can now not be contained, and they are expecting 100,000 new cases a day by the end of August. I also read that as many as 40 people a day could be dying from it in that time as well. Shouldn’t we be panicking?
We’re not panicking because its all very abstract. It will become much scarier when you hear about swine flu taking someone you know. If this is going to be as bad as they say, we’ll all find ourselves in the position of knowing a victim eventually. Oh dear.
So far, there have only been 4 deaths from swine flu in the UK and all of them have had the following code used to describe their deaths: they also suffered from underlying health issues. In other words, you’re more likely to die if you have something else seriously wrong with you.
That probably won’t always be the case and it will start killing otherwise healthy, fit people. Ut oh.
Damn, I’ve come over all apocalyptic. Well, when faced with the fires of hell and a pig-based plague from Satan, do you blame me?
