Yo.

I haven’t pointlessly rambled here in a while. It’s just an observation.

I woke up early this morning, silly early, before 6:30am. Blame a blocked nose, a noisy cat and the threat of a couple of deliveries for this early morning appearance. I had an alarm set for 7:30am anyway, so its not a tragedy that I am up so early.

I’ve got a shipment of fresh coffee beans coming from my online roaster…yes, I am still madly into fresh coffee. I had to ease back from it a bit thanks to my thyroid problems, but I am feeling a little better, which means caffeine and I are buddies again.

I couldn’t really handle coffee for a couple of months, which was quite depressing for someone who adores the stuff. For a while, I thought it was down to side effects from my thyroid medication, but my doctor told me it wasn’t, it was the actual disease causing the breathlessness and heart palpitations.

For about the last fortnight, I haven’t had those symptoms because around a week prior to that, my doctor up the dosage on the thyroid meds. I’m still not on a high dose and its likely to be increased again in December, after my next blood test. I just think the new dose is having some sort of therapeutic effect on me.

I’ve also seemed more energetic in the last week or so and I am feeling more myself than I have in a long time. That’s a good thing.

My back has been a lot better too. You might remember that’s how all this health nonsense started, with a crippling back problem. I never do anything that’s straightforward, so naturally my thyroid condition caused inflammation in my back!

I was off from work for about 8 or 9 weeks in the end and my doctor offered (or rather suggested) that I take even more time off but my bank account couldn’t afford it. I went back for a couple of nights a couple of weeks ago and it was a serious struggle, but I had another long planned gap of 2 weeks between shifts and my health improved somewhat during that time.

While I was off, I had the joys of having builders in, refitting my ancient bathroom. I’d been trying to get this done for years, but finding someone reliable and trustworthy was nearly impossible. In the end, I found a plumbing company that was not ridiculously expensive and did the job fairly well, but it meant nearly two weeks of disruption in my home.

The new bathroom is simple and modern, replacing a 30-40 year old bathroom that was neither. I’m just happy to have it finished.

Returning to work this time was far less daunting because I am genuinely starting to feel better. After being part time for October, I’m back to working full time in November. Trust me, its a welcome return and not just for the financial reasons.

I like working and I’ve missed it; I’ve missed my work mates too. That said, I am getting increasingly bored with being asked where I’ve been for the last couple of months and having to explain all of my health woes. I thought about preparing a written press statement, that I could hand out and refer to when repeatedly questioned, but people would think that was weird.

I’m sure some of the people asking genuinely care how I am, but the majority are just asking to be nosy. I also thought about making shit up and giving everyone a different answer on my whereabouts, like:

- I was on a secret mission for the queen
- I was directing my first feature film
- I was on tour with my band
- I was in a drug induced coma
- I was having my shinbones stretched (and it didn’t work!)
- I ran away and joined the circus
- I was on an EU wide thrill-killing spree

And my personal favourite:
- I don’t know where I’ve been, I have amnesia

The only place I ever want to talk about myself is right here on my website. In real life, I’d much rather be ignored and not have to explain myself to others. I’m actually quite a private person, reclusive even, but when people pretend to be interested in your life, you have to pretend you’re happy for their interest. Social niceties have to be respected, even when you know its all bullshit…especially when you know its all bullshit.

But not you, of course. You’re deeply interested in every single aspect of my blessed existence and you hang on my every word. Online, I’m used to the attention and I crave it like a drug.

Ok, not really like a drug and believe me I know the difference.

It’s more like leaving the curtains open, while you change your clothing in front of the window. I’m giving you the choice to peep at me, but its up to you if you choose to cast your glance in my direction and if you do, you might see more than you expected.

My life is an open book here on the internet, available for you to casually thumb through the more interesting chapters, assuming one day I might write some. We can all wait for that day to come, but until then you’ll just have to put up with whatever drivel I post.

Like this pointless entry about my rather pointless life.

You can still win my bubbler. Go on, take a chance, its not like it costs you anything!

I’ve just finished a mammoth run of work. I collapsed in a heap yesterday and stayed that way for around 12 hours until one of my kittens woke me up around 4:30am this morning. Hey ho.

My kittens are now 10 months old and the little boy is already huge. He is going to be a giant, monster cat when he is fully grown. He was the one who woke me this morning, by sitting on my chest and staring me awake. His little sister was laying on my legs at the same time, sort of rolling around, also trying to get my attention.

And that’s really all they wanted; attention. There was plenty of food and water for them, they didn’t need me for that. They simply required me to pay them attention. That didn’t take very long.

Once up, I had to feed the older cats, a 3 year old and a 16 year old. The 3 year just needed me to pretend to feed her, so that she would think it was time for her to eat. Yes, she is slightly neurotic, but that’s OK.

The 16 year old, our oldest cat needs tinned food these days, as the dry stuff is a bit too hard for her to chew. She’s nearly completely blind from cataracts, but still gets around the house very well. That’s not true outside though and as of a couple of days ago, I can no longer let her go out. She went under the fence into my neighbour’s yard and couldn’t find her way back - I had to go and rescue her and she was carried home in my arms. She’s still quite feisty and is doing quite well considering her age.

After sorting out the cats, I parked myself in front of my iMac and did some surfing. Between my RSS feeds and sites I visit regularly, I probably visited at least 30 of them before 6am.

I also downloaded the latest episode of Lost. Yes, I know I could wait a few days and catch it on Sky One, but why would I do that? Then I would miss out on all the cool stuff on the internet that follows, which is released at the American ABC pace.

I’m really into Lost, I think it is easily one of the best programmes on the box. It’s so complex and layered and mostly it does my head in, but I know they are taking it somewhere. I am really looking forward to watching the last 2 seasons play out, especially as there are only 3 more hours of it left this series, before another agonising 10 month wait for more.

I’ve also been watching Mad Men, which I missed when it first aired and was easily downloadable, but thanks to BBC4, I’ve been able to see the entire series. Wow, its good and Don Draper has got to be the ultimate in capitalist anti-heroes. I’ve always liked anti-heroes and secretly like to think I’m one myself. You’re all rooting for me, even though you know you shouldn’t.

After hanging out with the Losties, I made myself my first proper coffee of the day with my Vivi. I haven’t used it over a week, because of my erratic work schedule and sleep pattern, but I haven’t gone without excellent coffee.

My secondary method of brewing fresh coffee is now a device called an AeroPress.

It’s quick and easy to use and it cleans up in seconds. What’s not to love?

The cool thing for me about my AeroPress is that I can use the exact same coffee I use in the Vivi, ground the exact same way, so no messing around with the setting my grinder. The AeroPress makes what I would describe as something similar to espresso, in strength and volume, but not in texture or complexity. That’s ok, because the AeroPress costs significantly less than a proper pro-sumer espresso machine.

You can pick up an AeroPress for as little as under 20 quid (email me if you want the site selling them that low, they also sell the best freshly roasted beans in the UK) and it will make amazing coffee for you too.

By far, the most important thing you need for making great coffee is freshly roasted, freshly ground beans. When I first started looking into coffee, this was the most difficult thing to get my head around, mainly because of the cost of a decent grinder capable of producing the quality you need for a good espresso machine. Some people even say the espresso machine is an accessory for the grinder and that didn’t really make sense to me until I used my set-up for a while.

An espresso machine basically has an on/off switch; you turn the pump on to force water through the ground coffee (at the right pressure and temperature) and then you switch it off when you’ve reached the required volume or level of extraction. That’s all the control you really have, on and off. The grinder is what actually gives you any say in how your coffee is produced, the coarser the grinder, the faster the pour, the finer the grind, the slower the pour. You aim to produce a double espresso in around 30 seconds, with the colour of the coffee stream going tan around that time as well.

Ok, this is tedious to you if you have no interest in coffee, but as you can probably tell, I’ve really got into this in a big way. I’m drinking my 2nd coffee of the day right now and its every bit as good as my first. Consistency is what you aim for in making good coffee and I can pretty much reproduce the same result over and over. That job in Starbucks is looking more and more likely!

It’s just gone 8am, here in north London, the sun is shining and its expected to be another warm day. I’ve been awake for 3 and 1/2 hours and I’ve pretty much told you everything I’ve already done. I’ve replied to a few emails and now I’ve written this post. You are fully and completely up to date.

All that’s left to do now, is post this on my website and you’ll know that’s happened because you’re reading it. I’ve got nothing left to share with you for now.

A-hoy hippyfans, there be hippies here!

Well, one hippy, actually and I’m not even a real hippy. Sue me for false advertising and then request a full refund!

My month of little working isn’t panning out as I had planned. Who’s surprised? No matter how much free time I have, its never enough, but then it’s never really free either.

How do normal people do it? You know, people who work Monday through Friday, 9-5, every week. How do they manage to keep it all together with nothing but the weekend to do their real life stuff? It boggles my mind.

For the better part of the last 20 years, I’ve managed to avoid the Mon-Fri routine. The life of a shiftworker is much more fun and there’s nothing I like better than having days off during the week. Except maybe easy sex and hard drugs, but then they go hand in hand with lots of free time and the soul of a junior-satan.

Don’t you have the soul of a junior satan? Guess its just me then!

You see, I understand the inherent difference between good and bad, I’m just a bit capricious when it comes to deciding which side of the line to choose. I make up my own mind, using my own moral compass for guidance and my “true north” probably differs from most people’s.

I often choose the path of least resistance, but then at my age and so lacking in ambition and direction, what else would I do?

I spent an entire day this week swapping out my shitty, cheap old stereo for a brand new, shiny silver AV Amp. I bought a Pioneer VSX-917v and saved 60 quid waiting until after xmas. That’s when I first scoped it out, back in December, but elected to wait and it was a wise decision.

My old stereo, an 8 year old Technics, was a combo CD player, cassette deck(!!) and radio receiver, but all I really used it for is the amp, which had SKY+, a DVD player and my mac mini connected to it, all with stereo analogue connections. For the last couple of months, the sound has been cutting out, only restored by a well placed, measured slap on the top of the unit with a flat palm. I’m sure that’s the best way to fix anything, anyway.

The cutting out was steadily worsening, so I ordered the Pioneer unit a couple of weeks ago and finally got around to installing it last week.

I bought some digital audio cables, TOSlinks for the mini and SKY+ and a digital coaxial for the DVD player. The new amp was too big to go on the shelf where the old stereo lived, which meant I had to tear down the entire set-up and re-cable it all from scratch. Yawn.

It took me a few hours to rip it all apart and clean out the years of dust trapped in the inaccessible bits and a couple more hours to reinstall, configure and test everything, but eventually I had it all working well.

The new amp will support 7.1 audio, but my living room won’t. I can’t even fit 5.1, because I have no space for the rear surround speaker. Right now, it only has 2 speakers connected, but I have a subwoofer ordered and the space cleared for it when it comes.

Everything worked great the first day it was connected and I was very pleased with the sound quality. I kept the Technics speakers from the old set-up because they are small, but decent and are bi-amped, which the Pioneer also supports. I am very happy with the sound and expect the subwoofer will make it sound even better.

On the second day, Mrs. Hippy discovered a burning smell coming out of the amp. It turns out, the amp runs ridiculously hot and needs to be well ventilated. It’s current home, underneath the shelf where my TV lives, has precious little space between the top of the Pioneer and the shelf. Ut-oh. I have to move the Pioneer. Yawn.

My house is small, and my living room is smaller. I don’t have any other options for placing the Pioneer amp. I have to magic up a 50cm x 50cm space, and I think I’ve found it, all I need is a small table to put the amp on…and IKEA sells one for £7.99. Now, I just have to get myself to IKEA, which is hell on earth with extra-added yuppies.

I don’t want my new amp to burn up, it sounds far too good. Right now, I have a small fan aimed at it, which doesn’t really help with the ambient noise levels, but does keep things cooler and smelling less like an electrical fire! Hopefully, I’ll have the whole thing sorted out in the next day or so.

I meant to wake up really early this morning and visit IKEA, but I didn’t. Maybe I’ll go later today, if the spirit moves me.

I also need to buy another set of cables…longer ones. Repositioning the amp puts it out of range of all the new cables I bought.

Nothing in my life is ever easy, not even the simplest of tasks. Swapping out an old stereo for a new amplifier shouldn’t become a major engineering project. And I should be taller, too!

I’m still digging excellent coffee every day, though, which softens the blow on everything. Right now, I am sipping a freshly made cappuccino, crafted by my own hand not five minutes ago, from freshly ground beans that were grown in El Salvador and roasted 10 days ago. Yumm.

This week’s coffee battle has been over frothed milk. Frothing milk properly takes practise and skill and I woefully inadequate at creating microfoam, which is the goal of baristas. Microfoam has a velvety texture and is pourable, you should never need to spoon it into the cup. It shouldn’t have peaks either and shouldn’t be stiff like whipped egg whites.

I’ve yet to work out the secret to perfect microfoam, though I am trying all the tricks suggested online, from chilling the metal jug, to using full-fat milk. Actually, and this makes no sense to me at all, I am having better luck with skimmed milk, which defies logic and everything I’ve read online. Go figure.

Don’t laugh, one day my coffee brewing skills may save my life. When TV news finally chews me up and spits me out, Starbucks here I come!

Happy fucking February, fuckers!

February is one of my favourite months, because its the shortest. It breezes right by like nobody’s business, though this year there’s an extra day, because its leap year. Great.

January was hardcore for me, I worked way too much and slept way too little. Last night I slept 14 continuous hours. I guess I needed it. February is going to be easier.

I’m not working as much this month, partially by design. I’ve got to sort out a few things that are only possible in the daylight and I want to deal with a few personal matters as well.

Hopefully this also means that you guys will be seeing a bit more from me, though I didn’t do that badly in January, considering my lack of free time. Maybe its all the coffee!

Since I got my new coffee set-up, I am drinking lots more of the stuff and I am buzzing on caffeine like crazy. It means I have to smoke even more weed to stay mellow, so its like I’m grooving on nature’s grooviest speedball. I’m up, I’m down, I’m up, I’m down and then eventually I’m somewhere in the middle.

I’ve been checking out different beans because I need to learn more about them. I was using blends, but now I am trying some single estates, all roasted to order from the cool website I’ve been ordering from recently. Mrs. H prefers the single bean coffee and I think I do too. I’m trying a different one every few days or so.

My brother and I have been toying with the idea of revamping my website again. This design’s been up for 2 years now, maybe it is time for a change. What would you like to see me do differently?

How about a forum? It would solve my comment problem. I miss having people comment here, but I don’t miss the 1000s of spam-comments I was receiving day after day. Besides, if anyone is going to punt counterfeit viagra on my website, it’s going to be me, dammit! Counterfeit viagra is probably just as effective as the real thing, anyway, because its all just a placebo effect. Swallow this blue smartie and have the increased confidence in your erection, or chew it for a nice chocolately treat!

Or how about a streaming webcam showing you my life 24/7? You could watch me order takeaways and roll spliffs and that’s just at work! At home, you would get to see me cleaning out litter boxes and brewing espressos, often at the exact same time!

Maybe the streaming webcam is a bad idea, since I’d never be able to have another wank again, unless I did it in public and there are far too many CCTV cameras to get away with that, so I might as well just do it at home in front of my streaming webcam and all of you.

There’s not going to be a webcam and there’s not going to be any wanking.

Without the webcam, though, you’ll never know for sure!

I mentioned recently that I bought a brand new coffee making rig. It’s true.

Before xmas, I decided it was time to get a proper espresso maker. I’d rid myself of my old monstrosity; a combination steam driven espresso maker and 8-cup drip pot together in one ugly, black plastic casing.

I never used the drip pot and the espresso maker churned out drinkable, yet not quite right cappuccinos and lattes and I’m a bit of a coffee obsessive, especially now.

I started doing what I usually do when I’m interested in something, I surfed the internet and I found three really good websites:

www.coffeegeek.com

www.homebarista.com

www.toomuchcoffee.com

Each site is chock full of extremely useful information about coffee, from equipment reviews to bean recommendations and tips and tricks on how to get the best from your coffee. I learned loads, but still have lots more to learn. If you look carefully, you might even find some posts from me on one of the forums.

Growing up, I wasn’t into coffee. My parents either drank instant, or weak and watery filter coffee and all of it decaf.

It wasn’t until the early 80s that I had my first proper cappuccino. From then, I was hooked.

It wasn’t as easy as it is now to get a good coffee, this was in the days before there was a Starbucks on every corner, you had to look around to find places that made them right.

My Italian grandfather, my mother’s father, who came from just outside Naples, used to make espresso using a traditional stove-top, Moka pot and I can remember my parents saying that it was far too strong and bitter for their taste. I never got to try any, even though I wanted to. They said I wouldn’t like it. At that age, they were probably right, but I’ll never know. Grandpa’s been in heaven for a very long time.

I’ve owned a couple of steam driven espresso machines, besides the old one I recently binned. I bought my first one in the early 90s and used it for several years before it gave up the ghost. Another one followed and that lasted a few more years, but now, I own a proper machine.

It turned out, before I started my manic online information gathering exercise, I knew less than diddly squat about coffee.

For starters, the online coffee community refers to those steam driven espresso machines as “steam toys” as they don’t make real espresso. By steam driven, what I mean is that the water is heated to the temperature of steam and the steam pressure forces the overheated water through the ground coffee. That would make the water far too hot for brewing coffee.

Coffee should be brewed at just below boiling point; steam is water heated to beyond boiling point. That’s not good.

Proper espresso machines come in three varieties, all of them produce water at “brew temperature” plus steam for frothing milk, but each accomplishes this in different ways.

The most basic machine is called a single boiler-dual use machine and it works like this: Inside it is a a single boiler, with two user controllable thermostats, one heats the water to brew temp, the second brings it up to steam temp. The catch is, you have to wait for the machine to transition from one temp to the next, which can take a minute or so, depending upon the machine. You have to time what you are doing very carefully to get the most out of this machine. These are the least expensive as well and include most Gaggia home models and the Rancilio Silvia I contemplated buying.

At the other end of the scale are dual boiler machines; one at brew temp and a 2nd at steam temp. With this sort of system, you can pull shots and steam milk at the same time, without any waiting or transitioning. Most professional machines work this way.

And in the middle, the third category is what I bought, a heat exchanger (HX) machine. These are clever devices, they use one boiler which only comes up to steam temp, and the brew water is flash heated via a heat exchanger that passes through the boiler. This set up gives you continuous steam and brew capability, but without the extra complication of 2 boilers.

Have I bored the bejeezus out of you yet?
I’ll stop being technical now.

All of these machines are fairly simple to operate, but it takes a certain amount of knowledge and as I am learning, experience to maximise their potential.

By far the most important info I picked up from my new found coffee websites concerned beans and grinders. You need a seriously good grinder and you need freshly roasted beans.

Decent grinders, like anything good, aren’t cheap and my coffee expert pals all suggest you budget 50% of the cost of your espresso machine, for the grinder. Espresso machines can be quite finicky about how finely ground the coffee is, too fine and the machine will choke and you’ll get nothing out of it and if it is too coarse, your shot will pour too fast and you’ll have a cup of sour tasting swill.

Being a complete beginner at this, it took me a couple of hours of experimentation before I got my first drinkable shot from my new kit. Thankfully, the people I bought it from sent me a free kilo of roasted beans because I burned through half it on that first day and all but the last 2 shots went down the drain.

A proper espresso, single (1 oz) or double (2 oz), should take approximately 20-25 seconds to pour. Using lined shot glasses, marked at the 1 oz level and a stop watch, you aim for this magic timing and amount by adjusting the fineness of your grind. It took me a while to get a feel for all this, but since then I have used different beans, which required adjustments and have been able to fine-tune the grinder to improve my results. Today, I’ve made myself two cappuccinos and the espressos that went into them were the best I’ve made so far. They weren’t perfect, but I’m on my way!

By far, what has made the biggest difference to my coffee is fresh beans. I really wish someone share this key fact with me ages ago. Coffee beans need to rest for about 2 days after roasting, to allow for the CO2 gasses to be released, don’t ask me why. After that, its fresh for around 2 weeks, before it begins to go stale. Oh and it needs to be ground just prior to brewing, as its starts to go off within minutes of being turned to brown dust.

I didn’t know any of that shit! And its all true!

For the last few years, I’ve been using a cafetière, or press pot or French press, if you prefer, but I’ve been putting pre-ground, supermarket bought coffee into it. Drinkable, but nothing like the coffee I’ve been enjoying since I bought the new set-up.

Freshly ground beans are a revelation, with flavours so rich and complex that I don’t have the vocabulary or knowledge to really express it in any meaningful way. I can say, without question, that in the last week or so, I’ve had some of the best coffee I’ve ever tasted, anywhere!

Even Mrs. H noticed when I switched to the freshly roasted beans, that it tasted better. The place I’m getting them from is an online shop, which roasts them to order and ships them out, the same day. You receive them the next day, well packaged, with the date of roasting printed on the pack. And it’s not that expensive, either.

The espresso machine I bought is an Izzo Vivi, which is made in Italy, and is very shiny and heavy. The original design of this type of machine was patented in 1961 and it has a very distinctive grouphead, which if you visit coffee bars, you would probably recognise. It’s called an E61 grouphead; the grouphead is the bit they lock the portafilter into, just before brewing. Oh and the portafilter is the handle-thing which holds the filter basket, filled with ground coffee. I bet you know what I mean!

It took me ages to decide on which machine to buy and while my decision was guided and informed by those websites I mentioned, the person who helped me the most was the salesperson I spoke to at the online company where I bought it.

I spent nearly an hour on the telephone with this salesperson, asking as many questions as I could, including “which one do you own?” and “which one has the least returns?” The Izzo Vivi was the answer to both questions and I was sold. It was one of the models I was considering, anyway, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. Actually, the one I was leaning towards was significantly more expensive than the Vivi, but my salesperson friend said it wasn’t as well constructed and it was made of inferior components.

The Vivi is based on a commercial design and uses many of the same parts and components as its bigger, professional brothers. That means if and when it ever needs repairs, the new bits won’t be that expensive.

The place I bought it from is really cool, they give you a 2-year warranty plus they unbox, check and calibrate the machine, before shipping it to you. I was very impressed. They also double box it, which meant it arrived in pristine condition.

I also bought my grinder from this company, a Macap M4D, but I won’t bore you with too many details, except to say it is a professional piece of kit and should last for years, as should the espresso machine. They told me with care and maintenance, the Vivi should keep going for at least 20 years.

I’m not going to post a link to this company, as I don’t know if they would appreciate being associated with some drugged up weird-o like myself, but if anyone is interested in finding out more, please email me and I’ll gladly provide you with the link; just don’t tell ‘em the hippy sent you! I am very impressed with them and would heartily provide them with my seal of approval and recommendation. I don’t think I would have bought a machine in this price range, from anyone else.

Likewise for my source for coffee beans; I would love to throw some business their way, the coffee from them has been orgasmic and the service has been first class too, but I don’t want to piss them off because of who I am. I’m happy to provide the link privately, should you wish to try some for yourself and they’ll grind it for you, if you wish.

Some companies, like my good friends at EDIT are happy to be associated with me, others might find me a bit too controversial. That’s fair enough, I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, or rather coffee.

In my world, coffee is a drug, just like anything else that effects your mood or central nervous system. Caffeine is a serious stimulant and I am very sensitive to it, always have been. That means I have to stop drinking coffee fairly early in my day, or sleep will be elusive come bedtime. It doesn’t matter, because I really love the stuff, never more than I do now!

My coffee journey? The title of the this entry, comes from a phrase I’ve seen often repeated, to newbies such as myself on coffee forums and it refers to the route you take to get the best coffee experience imaginable. With fresh beans, my new grinder and my new espresso machine, my journey has moved several light years ahead in a very positive direction.

Bottoms up!