Archive for the ‘contest’ Category
June 5th, 2008 | 
Author: Hey ho hippyfans!
I am very pleased to announce that the official bubbler contest draw took place yesterday and I have before me a list of the winners of the 16 prizes available.
I did the big draw on Wednesday, all the email addresses of the entries were on small pieces of paper, placed in a big bowl. From there, I withdrew the sixteen winners, in reverse order.
As promised, here’s a list of the winners’ initials:
10 x flavoured rolling papers:
==================
16)AM
15)SC
14)AC
13)PS
12)SB
11)NT
10)WU
9) AM
8) JC (this is number 8, damn automatic smileys!)
7) BD
5x Smiley Face Pop Tins:
================
6) SL
5) MW
4) AS
3) JP
2) DS
And the big winner of the Midnight Blue Bushmaster Bubbler is…
========================================
1) RT from Wiltshire!!!
Congratulations to all of you who won prizes and a big thanks to everyone who sent in an email entry!
All of the winners will be contacted via email before the end of today, asking for your postal addresses and I hope to despatch all of the prizes as soon as possible. Any addresses received before Friday morning, will see their prizes posted by lunchtime on Friday. All prizes will be sent by first class post.
Don’t worry if you didn’t win this time, I’m sure I’ll be having contests again in the future. There may only be 16 contest winners, but in my book, all of you are winners! Thanks again!
Greetings my loyal and faithful readers of the northlondonhippy.com!
I’m writing to formally confirm that the closing date for entries to my bubbler contest has now passed and I am no longer accepting any. You’ve had nearly two months to email me, if you couldn’t get it together in that time, well, maybe you don’t really need my bubbler.
I will be sifting through the entries and drawing the winners this week, expect to be notified by email if you are the lucky one, before the week is out and be prepared to send me your postal address.
I’ll also be posting the initials of all SIXTEEN winners on my site.
A big “thank you” to everyone who entered! You’re all winners already!
The entire month of April slipped quickly and effortlessly through my fingers. I say “effortlessly” because that is precisely how much effort I’ve put into my site this month and for that I am ashamed.
You shouldn’t have to pay the price for this and you won’t, which is why I am extending the deadline on my “bubbler contest” until the 1st of June, so there is still plenty more time to enter. And don’t worry if you’ve already entered, your email still counts very much so and you will continue to have an equal chance with everyone else.
I’ve had loads of emails with questions about the contest, which I will answer here in a mini-FAQ:
Is the contest for real? YES
What’s in it for you? SELF PROMOTION
Do I just send you an email to enter? YES
Will you really post me the bubbler if I win? YES
How will you choose the winners? LITTLE PIECES OF PAPER WITH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WILL BE PUT IN A BOWL AND I WILL WITHDRAW 16 OF THEM, ONE FOR EACH PRIZE, FROM 1ST ON DOWN.
Will you announce the winners? JUST THEIR INITIALS AND WILL CONTACT EACH ONE INDIVIDUALLY TO ASK FOR THEIR MAILING ADDRESS
And that’s it for now. Get entering!
While I’m here, a quick update on why I haven’t been here. I’ve been working too much, I’ve been distracted by other things, most notably a book which I will review at some point here, because it deserves to be read and I’ve been sorting out the usual bullshit at my north London lair.
My SKY+ box died a couple of weeks ago and I thought it was gone for good, but I was able to give it a master reset and getting it going again…for about 2 more weeks before it well and truly went to that great gadget shop in the SKY. It was around 5-6 years old, an original V1 Pace box and I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did.
I booked a call out with SKY, which costs £65 and included a replacement box and I really didn’t have a choice. Well, I did, I could have used this as an opportunity to upgrade to SKY HD, but I’m still not convinced its worth the extra dosh with so little proper HD content available.
The SKY engineer was cool and it took him all of ten minutes to swap the boxes and pair the new one up with my card. The box he installed is a PACE V3, with an 80gb hard drive, though I think that some of it is partitioned for SKY Anytime, which is where SKY choose programmes they think are the best of the week and record them to your hard drive in the background. It can be disabled if you don’t like it, but I thought I would give it a go and see what its like. I’m not convinced if you switch it off that it will free up the other half of the hard drive for my recordings, but its worth looking into if the SKY selected shows are crap.
The new box is about a third the size of my old one, its really dinky. It’s also a bit noisier than the old one, either because of the fan or the hard drive and I’m not certain which. It seems to work well so far and isn’t much different from the old one, except for the aforementioned ANYTIME feature.
It’s not just a device that died, but I found out last night that one of my mother’s sisters, my favourite aunt passed away over the weekend. She was nearly 84 and it sounds like she was surrounded by loved ones and went peacefully. Whatever the fuck that means.
I don’t like many of my relatives, and to be honest I downright despise quite a few of them, but not this particular aunt. She was really special and yes, I know people always say nice things about the dead, but I would have said the same last week, when she was among the living. She was consistently kind, generous and loving and was beloved by many, myself and my younger brother among them.
I hadn’t seen her in years, as is true of 99% of my family and its probably been 4-5 years since I spoke to her on the telephone. I would have liked to chat with her, but she’d become quite deaf and the telephone wasn’t really an option.
One of my earliest childhood memories, which is vague and hazy as I would expect of a minor event prior to my 3rd birthday, over 40 years ago to be, is of my aunt visiting us in a house we lived in, in 1965. She took me for a walk up to a nearby supermarket and I can just remember being excited by this unusual outing with an aunt that I loved and trusted. It’s just a small memory, but I still carry it around with me to this day.
Good bye my dear, sweet aunt, you will always be remembered fondly by the many people whose lives you touched, including mine.
(deadline for entry now extended until the 1st of June 2008)
Attention: Hippyfans!
As previewed in a recent post, I am pleased to announce my latest and dare I say greatest contest, ever!
Better than when you gave away your old bong?
Oh yes!
Better than when you gave away your old car?
Nobody won my old car, so I swapped it for an ounce of skunk.
Better than when you gave away even yourself?
Oh come on, a gift-wrapped turd would be better than that!
This time, I’m going to be giving away a brand new, shiny, Midnight Blue Bushmaster Bubbler, just like mine!
I’ve had one of these Bushmaster Bubblers for quite a while now and it is genuinely one of the sweetest pieces I own. It’s perfect for chilling out on the sofa, watching TV and getting pleasantly toasted. You can smoke your favourite herbal mixture in it.
Personally, I prefer pure skunky bud.
Not only am I going to give away this amazingly well crafted piece of glassware, but I’m also going to include 10x glass gauze, because I know you’re going to end up losing them.
But there’s more…
Five very lucky runners up will receive Smiley Face – Head Case – Pop Tins. I have a couple of them and they are very useful. And you might have noticed, the classic smiley face makes an appearance in the banner at the top of this page. So, we’ll be like, just so, you know, connected!
And ten “we didn’t lose, but we’re not huge winners” will receive one pack of Dragonfly Kingsized Premium Flavoured Rolling Papers, which come in Blueberry, Chocolate, Cherry, Coconut and Strawberry – yum! The flavour you receive will be chosen at random, by me.
Actually, everything I’m giving away in this contest is being provided by me, though clearly from the links provided, I’m buying it all from my friends at EDIT. In other words, EDIT aren’t responsible for this contest in any way, so if you have any questions about it, please contact me directly.
Oh and I’m paying for the postage too, but if you have problems with your mail delivery, please don’t contact me.
So just to recap:
1st prize :
- a Midnight Blue – Bushmaster Bubbler, just like the hippy smokes
- 10 x glass gauze – jack style
- an autographed photo of me***
2nd prize (5 of these)
- a Smiley Face – Head Case – Pop Tin for your stash, just like the hippy uses
- an autographed photo of me***
3rd prize (10 of these)
- Dragonfly Kingsize Premium Flavoured Papers, because they’re yummy
- an autographed photo of me***
4th prize
there is no fourth prize, sorry.
Entering my contest couldn’t be easier, simply drop by my north London lair and perform an extended act of oral love upon me and you’ll have a good chance of winning.
Perhaps that’s not easy enough, as not that many of you can get to north London, so lets simplify it a bit more…
Entering my contest is as easy as sending me an email, there’s no cost at all. Just shoot one to:
and make sure you put:
Gimme your bubbler you crazy hippy!!
in the subject line!
You can do that. Your granny could do that, though why she’d want my bubbler, I really couldn’t say. At her age, a vape is probably a better bet, anyway.
Now the boring, tedious, legal disclaimer bit. Such a bummer, what a bring down, I wish I knew how to shrink the font so it could be proper “fine print”, but I can’t. I’m stoopid. Anyway, here goes.
1) The contest is open to residents of the United Kingdom (including NI) and the European Union only. Sorry, but I don’t want to be filling out customs declarations for water pipes.
2) You’ve got to be 18 years or older. For real, and a fake ID won’t do it. If you’re under 18, you probably shouldn’t be here anyway, though I guess telling you that will make you want to stick around even more. You still can’t enter the contest. Don’t worry, there will be other contests and if I keep running this site long enough, eventually you’ll all be old enough to enter.
3) Entry closes at midnight (BST) on Thurs 1st May 2008 and any entries received after this time will not be considered valid. I am giving you nearly a month and how long does it take to send an email?
4) If you are selected as the winner, you will need to supply a valid postal address. You can use a fake name if you like, but you need to use an address where you can receive it, especially the bubbler, because that won’t fit through your letterbox, even if the other prizes will. I won’t be using a real return address, so if it doesn’t get to you, it doesn’t come back here either.
5) It’s my contest and they’re my rules and what I say goes. I’ll pick the winners and I’ll let you know by email if you’ve won. If you haven’t heard back from me, asking for your address, then on this occasion your entry was unsuccessful, but best of luck in the future. (last sentence lifted from every rejection letter I’ve ever received, mainly from ex-girlfriends)
6) I’m the judge too and the judge’s rulings are final
7) Purchase not necessary…it’s not even possible since I don’t sell anything directly!
8) The rules are subject to change without notice and everything is at my discretion. (this is number eight)
9) Participating in this contest does not effect your statutory rights
10) Your mileage may vary
11) This contest is void in your area if prohibited by local law
12) No guarantees will be undertaken in the delivery of the prize, if the postal service loses it, we all lose!
13) The hippy is in no way responsible for anything that might happen as a result of you winning the prize or what might follow after any possible use of the prize. If you get in trouble with your parents, your partner or the police, it is your responsibility, not the hippy’s in any shape or form. The winner is solely responsible for everything! You can’t blame the hippy for jackshit, so don’t even try, fuckers!
14) If I think of anything else, it counts and you can’t sue me for it. I’m just trying to do something nice for my fans, don’t hate me for that!
==================================================================
***There are actually not going to be any autographed photos. Would anyone really want one anyway?
Hello and welcome to post number five-hundred! I hope you enjoy your stay because this is a celebration!
I think, therefore I blog, therefore I am.
To blog, is to exist; to exist is to be alive.
Check me out with my beating heart; look everyone, I’ve got a pulse.
No, wait. It’s more than that, much more.
Blogging is therapy on the cheap; it’s a venue to vent your innermost thoughts and feelings, anonymously, without fear of judgement or ridicule.
Blogging is a way of sharing your secret side with the entire world.
Blogging keeps me sane.
Well, sane-er.
I’m not going to bore you to tears with a meandering saunter down memory lane. That’s not what this post is about, though I will touch on a little hippyhistory.
I started blogging at quite a low point in my life; I was between jobs, broke and generally just a bit down. Starting my blog gave me something to focus on that was separate from my more immediate problems.
I’ve always written. I’ve written short stories, screenplays and even novels, but before I started the blog, that all couldn’t be said.
Ok, I did finish some short stories and short screenplays, but nothing of any consequence. The longer form projects I started, like feature length screenplays and novels, would always get discarded in disgust or left to whither on my hard drive, incomplete.
Blogging helped me to focus my writing; it gave me discipline and helped me to develop a routine for getting things done.
You have to understand, when this blog is being neglected, it’s because I’m using my time to work on other, non-hippy-related projects of mine.
It’s not because I don’t love you all, because I do, deeply and with tongues.
Without you hippyfans, this blog would be nothing.
If there’s no one in the forest to hear that tree fall, then it really doesn’t make a sound.
I love this blog too. I see it as an extension of my very being. I put my heart and soul into this blog, plus my blood, sweat and spunk.
Yuck.
Don’t worry; I washed my hands before typing this.
The main reason I’d never tried to publish or punt anything I’d written, up until I became the northlondonhippy, is a silly one:
Fear of failure.
If you always dream of doing something, then you do it and you flop badly, then your dream dies. But if you never do it, then your dream can live forever.
Now, I’ve done it and not only does my dream still live, it thrives and it’s that much closer to being reality.
I wrote something and put it somewhere, where anyone could read it. And they did. And they didn’t hate it. I don’t want to blow my own hippyhorn too much, but people more than “didn’t hate it; after all, you’re reading this right now!
The best advice I was ever given by a teacher came from an instructor I had at university that taught me playwriting for a semester.
She was an award-winning playwright, but that hadn’t always been the case and she struggled for years to get her first break in the business. As she relayed her tale of toil, she passed on the best advice she was ever given too; and I’ll share it with you now:
If you want to do something you love, then do it and keep doing it and never be discouraged for if you stick with something long enough, eventually you will succeed.
I’m going to be 44 years old this month. Go figure.
I’m making this sound like I haven’t had an interesting or rewarding professional career, instead of writing, but that’s not exactly true either.
For the last 20 years, I’ve worked in the media; mainly television and mainly news. I’ve travelled extensively, I’m fairly well compensated, and I keep unconventional hours and have done many unconventional things. I’m very grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had and continue to enjoy.
As I’ve said I’ve also continued to write, but for myself, not for public consumption.
But, and yes there is a “but”, I’m bored with it all now and see it as mainly a paycheque. And more than that; I’m very jaded and starting to think I’m burning out.
The truth is I’ve had enough.
I want to move away from what I do, back towards what I’ve always wanted to do, which is writing. I want to write novels and screenplays. I’d also like to produce films and tv shows, instead of the relentless real-life death and destruction I have to face, every night.
I want a job where my colleagues and mates don’t get killed in shitty little countries that no one’s ever heard of!
What I need is one big fat fucker of a break!
And the silly thing is, I still think eventually it will come.
I haven’t been discouraged and I haven’t given up.
I don’t think this blog will bring me that break and if I’m honest, I never did. At best, I thought I would garner a small, yet loyal cult following and I have, but that’s probably down to my choice of subject matter.
I write about drugs. A lot.
I also take drugs, a lot and have done since I was 18 years old.
I want people to know that someone who uses drugs can be a responsible, tax-paying member of society.
I want people to understand that intelligent, educated, professional people enjoy more than alcohol and tobacco when they want to relax, or escape the pressures and stress of daily life.
I’ve smoked weed, every day for nearly 26 years. And I don’t mean a couple of puffs, either. Contrary to what you might think, it hasn’t made me lazy or stupid.
And the forgetfulness? I put that down to my advancing years, bad diet and poor sleep patterns!
Dope has kept me sane and grounded since I first discovered it. It completes me; it makes me feel whole. Without it, I wouldn’t be who I am.
And who am I?
I’m the one true genius of the 21st century.
I’m a messiah for the new millennium.
I’m the hippy you all adore because I am total media whore!
Ah-hem.
Once I found out that everything everyone ever said about cannabis was a lie, I tried other drugs, but none of them matched my absolute love of weed…
…except one, my beloved and dearly departed, fresh and legal magic mushrooms, which the government took away from us in the summer of 2005. The fuckers!
Shrooms were partly responsible for me starting this blog as my enjoyment of them was peaking just as I fired up Blogger for the first time.
I discovered magic mushrooms were legal the same time I stumbled onto everyonedoesit.com and purchased my first batch from them.
I also became a user of the everonedoesit.com (or EDIT) forums and it was there I first coined used the name “northlondonhippy” and if it wasn’t for them, I might not be blogging today.
That’s part of the reason I have adverts for EDIT on the site. It’s partly their fault that I’m here so they might as well pony up a bit of dosh!
But I also am affiliated with them because I continue to be a customer and forum reader and have had nothing but 100% positive experiences shopping with them.
And more than that, EDIT are a shining example of what the world could be like if weed were legal! It’s the one thing I really wish they could stock, but probably not as much as they would! EDIT are very good at what they do. Whether you use a link from my site or not, I heartily recommend shopping with them, if they stock anything that catches your eye.
Look, I know my blog isn’t like other blogs. I know I don’t do 10 short posts a day, linking to other people’s sites. I know I post sporadically and that my posts can be long.
But I also know that my blog is very personal and that I always tell the truth. I strive for originality; I try to be creative, thought provoking, accessible, and humorous.
I try to make you laugh, make you think and make you wish you were a hippy too!
I try to inform.
I try to entertain.
I try to be myself.
I just try.
I would like to thank all of you, the thousands and thousands of you around the world, who have visited my blog and found something to keep you coming back again and again. I hope you keep coming back for the next 500 posts too!
And yes, you read that correctly, it’s not millions, but thousands. I don’t have an exact count.
Don’t forget, I’m not obscure; I’m just underground, so well done you for reaching my site! You are now part of the vanguard of the internet elite!
And now, as promised, I’m going to disclose the winner of the “win a weekend with the hippy contest”!
I have to say, even I was surprised by the number of entries I received and choosing a winner, was, well, it was actually pretty easy because many of the emails I received, ummm, shall I politely say were somewhat “eccentric”.
However, one entry stood out ahead of the rest and I will share it with you now, minus any identifying details about the winners.
And you read that right too; “winners” as in plural; there are two of them. Here’s the winning email:
===
“Hello hippy!
When we first read about your contest, we thought it was a joke. After reading your blog we know its serious and we want to win you for a weekend, but would you really come to Hull?
We are two uni students, both girls and love to party and smoke gear. We’d be into you coming up and staying with us in our shared house. We have a spare futon you can sleep on and can promise you a wild weekend of getting off your face and having a right larf with two wild women!
For the night out, we want to go out for a nice meal and probably take you to a party where we can get high. Don’t worry on a Saturday night there is always a party!
Please choose us hippy, please!
Love,
(2 names – both removed)
xxx
PS
We’ve attached a pic of us from a party last week, so you can see how wasted we look!”
===
So this hippy is going to Hull, which is only one letter away from Hell and I’m probably going there too, just not as soon. I hope.
I’ve been in touch with the winners and I’m heading up to see them sometime in February. I’m just waiting for my work schedule before we pin down the date.
The winners seem really nice and yes, they do look totally toasted in the photo they sent, which I will not post here!
I’m going to jump in my little black Yaris, grab my satnav and load up up my iPod with a really long playlist and head to Hull. I think it could be a lengthy drive!
Oh why couldn’t the hot chicks have been in Amsterdam!
Fear not, I shan’t be taking undue advantage of their hospitality, I’m a great houseguest; neat, tidy and exceedingly respectful of my host’s home. I’m a pleasure to be around too!
And don’t worry; I would like to reassure my readers (and Mrs. Hippy!) that nothing untoward will happen while I’m there, no matter how much they beg for a glimpse or taste of my cock.
And even though I’m old enough to be their father, I won’t let them call me daddy either!
Just when you thought it was safe to switch your TV set back on, along comes the 5th series of Celebrity Big Brother!
I’m the last person to complain, I’m a big fan of the format, as countless previous posts will confirm.
This year’s series looks like it’s going to be a fun one, with possibly the oddest mix of participants in the history of the programme.
OK, we’re lacking the shocks provided by the inclusion of George Galloway and Germaine Greer, but come on, Ken Russell’s presence is pure genius!
I realise that is probably lost of most viewers of CBB. I’m not being snobbish about this; he’s not as well known as Steven Spielberg, is he? He’s probably not even as well known as Guy Ritchie! And that’s a pity, but I expect people will be rediscovering his films all over the place now!
Ken Russell is the sort of director that film critics salivate over and media watchers everywhere will be going into meltdown. Big Ken gives a new respectability to CBB, and adds a level of intellectual masturbation never seen before on the show. Well done, Endemol.
The fact that he’s pushing 80 and the mere act of entering the house seemed to sap him of what little energy he had, should be some cause of concern, as I think if he died in the house, they might choose to prematurely end the run. That would suck; I want to see it go to its full 25 agonising days!
Ken’s already flashed his cock and balls at the dumb pretty girl who was Miss Pretty UK or something and now sleeps with a footballer. I’m not oversimplifying, am I?
She’ll probably turn lesbian after that seeing his “meat and two veg”, but let’s just hope she does so in the house with that other pretty girl, the one from India. I’ve never heard of her, but then I don’t know anything about Bollywood except that there’s a lot of singing and dancing.
Ok, so they are a bunch of nobodies. So what? In their minds, they are extremely important and very well known. Just look at Michael Jackson’s brother, Jermaine. He thinks everyone knows who he is and judging by the reactions of the other celebrities upon meeting him; that might not be 100% true.
Or Leo Sayer, who had hit records when this old hippy was a teenager twisting the night away at a school disco. Have his songs moved up the iTunes charts yet? They will.
The theme this year does appear to be singers, with the 2 former 90s pop stars, Jermaine, Leo and that young guy with the blonde hair doing the Spinal Tap impression! If that’s his audition, well done and I’m sure they’ll find a slot for him around 1am at the Comedy Store!
I know he calls himself Donny Douchebag or something, but come on! He’s a cliché of a parody of a CHEAP ANGRY SPINAL TAP IMPRESSION!
Did you see? He pissed in the shower before he discovered there was a separate toilet. Doh! You could splice that scene seamlessly into the “Spinal Tap”. If you like Donny, get the DVD and prepare to piss your pants! Or your shower!
The hot middle-aged lady from the Kenny Everett video show seems likable enough, if a bit mad. Nothing wrong with that! I bet she inspired some furtive wanking in her day, and probably still does today.
Oh and for the record, I’m the same age as Cleo, so that makes me middle aged too.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture that the outside favourite at this point is the only girl from S-Club that could actually sing. The bookies like Leo Sayer too, but I’m giving her the edge. Wait till she belts out a few tunes!
And I know her name, it’s Jo O’Meara and she had some spinal problems that got in the way of her pop career. She’s seems fine now and good luck too her.
I read the tabloids, so I know this stuff. I can’t help it. We all have our useless areas of expertise.
Jo seems down to earth, at least in the little bit I’ve seen.
And what’s the deal with the A-Team guy?
How desperate and/or broke is he? I think we all know the answer to that one! He comes off sharp and witty and I get the feeling it’s going to take a lot to get him to snap.
Is it going to be entertaining?
Isn’t it always!
I predict we’ll like some of them and hate some of them and every one of us will have different list for both categories. That’s just how it goes.
Bring on the next 3 and half weeks! Let them all go mental! Arm them with rusty knives and fill their heads with high-quality blotter acid. Starve them of food so they have to resort to cannibalism and that little blond guy from Steps gets spit-roasted, but not in the way he’s dreamt of all his life. Send three generations of Jade’s family into the house next door…
You know, some things are just too hideous to imagine. I’m sure glad there’s no chance that’s going to happen tonight!
PS
This really is your last chance to enter the “win the hippy for a weekend” contest! Go on, you know you want me!
Click here for the original post with all the details!
The winner will be announced soon!
I’m letting you all down.
I’ve spent most of this month not posting anything on my blog. I’m sorry.
There are several factors involved in this total lack of hippy participation this month, some I’ll share with you, others I will keep to myself.
I’ve been overrun by spam of late; comment spam. At its peak, I was receiving over 300 comments daily, all linked to online poker or penis-pill websites. Fucking delightful! Each spam comment would generate an email to me, alerting me to the new comment. It was a real drag.
Comments are now, effectively turned off. You need to be registered to leave comments, only there is no way to register. It’s a catch-22 aimed at foiling these nasty pieces of shit who want free advertising on my site!
I recently read an article, which explained that spammed comments are left by living human beings, so they can type the weird letters into the box to prove they are not machines. Because broadband and labour are now so cheap and computer knowledge is so wide-spread in so many faraway places, it’s easier to pay someone to do the spamming for you.
Pretty soon, they’ll be outsourcing my blog to India and you’ll be reading my replacement, the newdelhihippy. Progress marches forward, so watch out fuckers, your job will be next!
I did nearly finish a lengthy entry on my own personal xmas memories, but never got around to finishing it. Xmas has come and gone now, so it’s too late to post it. I’m going to save it for next year.
I also haven’t been around, because I’ve been working loads and most of my December shifts were clustered into the second half of the month. I’ve been choosing sleep over blogging. Again, sorry, but I’m still tired and could use even more sleep!
These days, I’m always tired. I think its old age catching up to me. I don’t bounce back like I used to. Maybe I just need more sleep. I don’t know, but I dream of spending 24 hours in bed, just to put some zzzzzzz’s on account.
That’s never going to happen.
It’s not just the hippy I’ve been neglecting, I’ve got other projects that haven’t had enough of my time. After the New Year, I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back on track.
No, more than back on track, I’m going to take everything a lot further in 2007! Go me!
See, even at my age, self-delusion remains a true skill!
Here’s some good news for you Big Brother fans out there, the celebrity version kicks off on the 3rd of January and this hippy is poised to provide you with my own special brand of comment and analysis throughout this 5th series.
By far, one of the most popular features in 2006 was my Big Brother column. It would be sadistic of me not to give my loyal hippyfans what they crave! I am a boy who can’t say “no”!
There are all sorts of unconfirmed rumours about who might be appearing and I’m planning on providing you all with a preview before launch night. This Sunday’s papers should give us some more clues and of course, I’ll be monitoring many sources just for you!
So I’m still the hippy you all adore, especially because I’m a complete media whore! Things will be picking up here at the hippy, so come back often to see what I’ve got in store for you!
PS
Yes, this is post 497, only three more to go until I announce the big winner of my contest. One lucky hippyfan will be winning ME for a weekend of soft drug use and inappropriate touching!
Click HERE for more details!
I think too much; it’s what I do.
When you think too much, you need to keep thinking of new things to think about, which takes up a good portion of your thinking time.
I was thinking the other day just how much we’re in our infancy as the dominant species in charge of the planet and I thought of a way to express this within a perspective, which we can all relate to in our own frame of reference.
A generation is accepted as twenty-years, so if you were sixty, you could have a child that was forty, with a child of twenty, who could be a parent as well. So that’s four generations, all alive at one time.
If you agree that 20 years is one generation, then 100 generations is 2000 years, which takes us nearly back to the time Jesus was allegedly strolling around Galilee. It’s the frame of reference we use every day in our modern, western dates; it’s 2006 AD right now.
2000 years may seem like a tremendously lengthy time period; in the scheme of the universe it is less than a blink of an eye. We’re still evolutionary children, who shouldn’t be trusted with the fate of the planet. We’re just not mature enough to have that sort of responsibility.
At our hearts, we are still savages and though some of us aspire to rise above that and live our lives in more purposeful ways, most of us are animals with base, primordial, survival instincts guiding our decisions.
If I can’t fuck it, or eat it, then I’ll kill it and eat it or fuck it.
In the newspaper today I read two similar stories about the true nature of our society and the genuine face of mankind.
Two men; independently of each other, collapse and die; one on the street, the other in his place of business.
In both cases, help from the public was sought. With the man who died on the street, his pockets were picked clean of his wallet, keys and mobile phone. The man in his office, as well as having his pockets stripped bare, by the passing “good Samaritans” also had his his laptop, mobile phone and other assorted kit from his office stolen, all while his distraught partner was in the next room phoning for the paramedics.
If both of those incidents are not considered despicable, then I don’t know what the word means!
Welcome to the real word, you stupid hippy. Cruelty bordering on the sadistic is the norm in our world; we choose to believe that the reality is better than that.
It’s not, not by a long shot and if you collapse in the streets, you should just expect to have your valuables quickly taken from you while your down. You can probably count on a few kicks in the head as well, since you’re such an easy target.
I couldn’t walk past someone on the ground without checking they were alright and it wouldn’t occur to me in a million years to rifle through their pockets in search of swag!
Maybe there’s something wrong with me?
And that’s a revelation? There’s loads wrong with me. Being a living god doesn’t come without a price. You live my life for a while if you don’t believe me. None of you could take it, you pussies!
Ah-hem.
Think about it, 100 generations is nothing; you can imagine that, it gives things perspective. We are still children, barely evolved with our lizard brains doing most of the thinking. We still fight wars; we still kill each other for no good reason. Of course we do, we’re not even adolescents yet!
100 generations; it’s less than a blink of an eye. We were nailing people to crosses, the dead were rising, and it was a magical time.
We think we’re so advanced and so modern and so high up on the evolutionary scale. Look around you; the competition is hardly fierce!
We’re the dominant species and we shouldn’t be. We’re not up to it, like if you’re parent’s left you home alone when you were not really mature or responsible enough and they came back to find the gas cooker on and the pilot light out and you and your little brother are groggy on the sofa. You said you were ready to be left alone, but obviously you weren’t!
Ok, that happened to me when I was a child, so it’s true and I know what I’m talking about. As a race, we’ve left the oven on and we’re all groggy on the sofa. We said we were ready to run the world and look at the mess we’ve made!
So the next time, someone’s claiming how shit-hot human beings are, remember what you’re old pal the hippy told you. One hundred generations ain’t nothin’!
Check out my latest and dare I say greatest contest yet! You won’t want to miss this!
Hey ho hippyfans! Da hippy is in da house!
Well, technically it is a house, but I do prefer to refer to it as my north London lair. I’m in a good mood because I’ve only got to work three more nights between now and the end of the month! Yipppeee to that, fuckers!
Don’t worry, I won’t be spending all my free time wasted on drugs, I do have to sleep you know! Actually, that’s a lie; no not the sleeping part, the wasted all the time part. That just won’t be possible.
Why?
Well, mainly because I’ve got heaps of work to do. I’m still helping that guy promote his book, I’m working on a couple of other projects of my own and if you add to that my usual list of responsibilities, then you will see that I won’t have much time to party.
But none of that is the real reason I won’t be on drugs.
The biggest reason I won’t be on drugs is simple; drugs, at least my beloved skunkweed, has been remarkably scarce recently. And by recently, I mean since August.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the great cannabis draught of 2006!
As a serious, regular, habitual consumer of the wacky-backy, this is a tragedy for me of biblical proportions! I haven’t seen a decent quality of weed in ages; everything I’ve been getting is via 3rd parties, underweight and expensive! That sucks, man. And I’ve yet to see more than like a quarter at any one time.
It’s been hand-to-mouth with marijuana and that’s never a good thing.
I’ve done, what any dedicated smoker would do; ask everyone and anyone if they know anyone helpful. Guess what? They’re all pretty much sailing in the same boat as me.
Things are dire; things are desperate! If any of you out there in internetland can lay your hands on a quantity of quality herbal cannabis, I would love to be your newest, bestest friend! I’d certainly invite you to visit my north London lair, as my guest, where I would exchange a reasonable amount of British pounds sterling in return for said cannabis. And if you have to travel a long way, I might even be willing to contribute to your expenses and throw in a hot meal from my favourite north London Malaysian takeaway! Yum! And naturally, if you’re female, the usual offer of prolonged oral sex applies, though you will have to be willing to let Mrs. H take some photos – artistic ones of course, for our personal enjoyment only! I swear I won’t post them online!
Think I am joking? Think again! Yes, I am that desperate! And xmas is not too far off, which is traditionally a stressful time for scoring weed, because all the amateurs who only smoke around the holidays are buying all the good weed meant for hardcore smokers like me!
But all of this raises a simple question, why is there a draught?
I’ve heard several theories, which I will attempt to weave into a coherent explanation.
In July, we had a lengthy, sustained heat wave. Most weed you get in London, is grown locally, indoors. If the growers don’t have adequate cooling for their grow room, which I expect is the case almost universally, then the higher temperature will kill all the plants. In August, the draught started, which timewise, would jive with this event.
We lost a whole generation of THC goodness in July. Please pause for a moment to reflect on this loss of life. Awwwww.
Not long after that, the police announced they were going to start cracking down on suburban commercial gardens. From what I’ve read, Vietnamese criminal gangs run this end of the trade. What happens is that they rent a house on a quiet street, gut the place, install everything they need to start turning crops around and then they just sit back and watch the dosh roll in.
Except it isn’t always that simple. Because they do half-assed jobs of building their grow-rooms, fires are not unknown and because no one is living there, the entire place goes up in flames. Or the electric company notices an increase in usage, thanks to the high power draws of many sodium lights. Or they fiddle with the metre and don’t use any power, which is equally suspicious.
And the cops are on to all of this, using thermal imaging to see if a building is running hotter than it should. Or the neighbours tip them off to usual activity or the curtains being constantly drawn.
It’s a risky business and there’s a lot of “cut and run” involved. My guess is not so much that the cops have shut them all down, but that they have spooked them into shutting down their operations for a while, until the situation cools off.
A colleague of Mrs. H rented her house out a couple of years ago and one day while at work, she got a call from the local police. You guessed it, the people she rented to turned her house into a commercial garden. She wasn’t in any trouble, as she could show them the signed lease and reference provided by her tenants, but the real problem was the cost of returning the house to a habitable state.
You would probably think that as a big dope head, I would be all for these commercial growers. In part, I am, in Holland, where weed is legal and of course, your non-commerical home gardener. Even my friends, who have done it commercially, have done it in properties that they have a legal right to use, in a safe and responsible way. No, my problem is with the criminals.
Criminals don’t grow weed to share with their mates, or to perfect some rare sticky, skunky strain; they do it to make profits, at the expense of decent, honest, hard working people.
Who pays for all the electricity they steal? We do through higher bills. Who pays to fix the houses they rent and trash; landlords like Mrs. H’s friend.
The weed produced in these gardens is never the best you’ve ever had, it’s passable, but never finished properly. To my shame, I am certain that I have purchased weed growing under these conditions but in my defence, I don’t really have a choice.
The legal status of cannabis is at the root of it all. If weed were legal, then these criminal gangs wouldn’t have any reason to grow dope and it would be done professionally, and with care, producing some amazing results.
How can a plant be illegal? Let’s ban oak trees next because sometimes they get blown over and people get hurt, maimed or killed. Let’s end this oak tree menace today!
My oak tree ban is no sillier than the prohibition on cannabis!
But back to the draught, because I haven’t given you the last piece of the complex puzzle.
Price. Cost. Dosh. Moolah!
Whenever something is in short supply, the price goes up. This is simple economics, you know, supply and demand? I think part of what’s going on is that the supply chain is holding some back to drive the price up. I’m seeing prices rising by about a third – 33%, so the ounce you used to pay £150 for will be going for £200. Talk about a high rate of inflation!
It’s simple, you hold back the supply for a while and when you restore it, people are so desperate they’ll pay anything. Anything, becomes the new price! By doing this, the dealers and suppliers will still sell all their weed, just at a higher price than a month ago, so they are the real winners and we are the real losers.
As I don’t see weed being legalised anytime soon, I think the real answer is for everyone to become self sufficient! It’s time we all start growing our own!
I’ve wanted to do that for years, but I don’t have a suitable space in my lair to dedicate to it. I really wish I did and it is a serious requirement for my next house, should Mrs. H and I ever get our acts together and flee our north London ghetto!
Oh and I was serious about the weed. If you can get your hands on an ounce (or 3) of high grade, quality skunky bud, I’d really like to meet you, soon!
As the title says, thanks everyone in the United States who heeded my call to get rid of the Republicans!
The political clout I yield with this blog truly is special and all elected officials should take note. The public do exactly what I tell ‘em to, because my fans are a very loyal bunch.
Change is a good thing and these changes to the political landscape in America are very good news indeed, but we’re not out of the woods just yet.
We’re stick stuck with George Porgy and his pack of lies and don’t forget Darth Cheney. Those two are still at the top, but only for a couple more years!
So pay attention my Yankee friends and fans, you need to maintain the momentum until the next general election. You need to give those wiley Democrats a free run come 2008 so they can introduce some much needed sanity back into your country and the world! Please! It would make this hippy very fucking happy!
On to other news…
My contest is still open and will remain open until I post number 499 – this one is 492, if you didn’t notice up there at the top.
Come post number 500, I’ll be announcing the winner!
You don’t know what you can win? Oh please, do keep up!
I’m giving one lucky hippyfan the chance to win me! Well, me for a weekend.
That’s right, kids, the northlondonhippy will come and spend the weekend at your place and you can read my original spiel RIGHT HERE.
So what are you waiting for? Send me your email and you could have this crazeeeeeee hippy fondling you in your sleep!
Who wouldn’t want that?
