The northlondonhippy

Archive for the ‘contest’ Category

This hippy is head­ing for his five-hundredth post and I’ve decided to count them down, so wel­come to post num­ber 490! I hope you enjoy your stay!

Can you feel the excite­ment; is your antic­i­pa­tion building?

What will that crazy hippy do to mark this momen­tous occasion?

I’m ready to announce my most amaz­ing contest!

I did plan on doing this one of the sum­mer, but like most things in my life, it didn’t work out, but this time, I’m serious!

Are you ready for the “great, big mas­sive, you can spend the week­end with the northlon­don­hippy contest”?

Well, whether you are or not, here it comes!

That’s right kids; you can win the chance to spend a week­end with me…at your place! This hippy will travel to your home for a week­end of soft drugs and inap­pro­pri­ate sex­ual contact.

The con­test is open to any­one resid­ing in the UK or the Euro­pean Union, espe­cially if Easy­jet or Ryan Air serves it – this hippy’s not rich enough to afford any­where fur­ther, so sorry if you’re big fan who doesn’t reside in these areas.

I’ll travel to yours on a Fri­day evening and stay until the Sun­day. Included in the prize is a night out at my expense; din­ner at your favourite local restau­rant and drinks in your favourite local bar, pub or club. You’ll need to feed me the rest of the time and pro­vide me with plenty of skunky bud and hot young women of ques­tion­able virtue.

I promise you a week­end of laughs and fun, as you would expect if you were host­ing one of the internet’s hottest, ris­ing stars!

I’m not the “biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of” for noth­ing, you know! I’m a bar­rel of fuck­ing laughs! I’ll have you and your fam­ily and friends howl­ing and piss­ing your pants in no time!

You can invite your friends, throw a party in my hon­our, I’ll sign auto­graphs, answer ques­tions, what­ever you want me to do. I’ll even show you my cock if you get me drunk enough!

It will be like hav­ing your weed-addicted funny uncle take over your lives for a cou­ple of days as I seek atten­tion in every con­ceiv­able way!

It will be just like all of your northlon­don­hippy dreams will come true all at once! Can you fuck­ing stand it?

And enter­ing couldn’t be eas­ier! All you need to do is send an email to me at thehippy@northlondonhippy.com with “come stay at my house you crazeee hipppeee!” in the sub­ject line and tell me why you think I should come stay with you for a week­end. Offers of sex­ual favours and drugs will get you bonus points!

Included in the prize is my per­sonal return air­fare or travel expenses to get to your town, one night out for you and your part­ner, friend, rel­a­tive or accom­mo­dat­ing stranger, every­thing else is on you.

This con­test is real and open to any­one over the age of 18, liv­ing in the afore­men­tioned areas, who has a spare pri­vate bed­room and the desire to hang with this hippy!

I’m the sole judge of the con­test and what I say goes, I can change the rules at any time and all of my deci­sions are final!

So that’s it, fuck­ers, the con­test is now offi­cially open and the count­down has begun! I’ll announce the win­ner in my upcom­ing, all singing, all danc­ing, and nos­tal­gic 500th extrav­a­ganza and will accept entries right up until I post num­ber 499!

So what are you wait­ing for! Get­ting email­ing right now!

Hey ho my loyal and val­ued hip­py­fans! How might I kiss your col­lec­tive ass even more deeply?

We will find out, as I am in need of your help! In return, I am happy to offer all of my female hip­py­fans unlim­ited oral pleasure!

Sorry guys, just a hearty hand­shake for you!

And why am I lit­er­ally try­ing to bend over back­wards to please you all?

Sim­ple, this hippy is up for an award!

And not just any award either, but the pres­ti­gious BoB awards!

Don’t know what a BoB is? Shame on you!

The BoBs are the Best of the Blog awards and I’ve lost the con­test 2 years in a row, but this year, you guys are going to help me win!

The BoBs are spon­sored by Deutche Welle; the well-known Ger­man com­pany that broad­casts radio and tele­vi­sion inter­na­tion­ally (in both Eng­lish and Ger­man) pro­vid­ing a uniquely Ger­man per­spec­tive on world events and cul­ture. They’re quite hap­pen­ing, actu­ally! Check them out on short­wave radio, or satel­lite and cable TV!

But how can you, as loyal and ded­i­cated hip­py­fans help? Easy, all you need is around 1 minute of your valu­able surf­ing time and you can con­tribute to my campaign!

If you fol­low THIS LINK, you can rate my site (5 stars of course!) and leave pos­i­tive com­ments, which praise me as your mes­siah and per­sonal sav­iour. Please!

The prizes this year are very good, though to be hon­est I don’t really need them, so here’s the deal I’m offering!

First prize for best over­all blog is an Apple Mac­Book. If by some amaz­ing fluke of fate I actu­ally won this, I would keep the Mac­Book, but check this shit out…if I do get the Mac­Book, then I will give away my 14-month-old iBook as a prize on my site! I’m not joking!

First prize for the other cat­e­gories is a brand new Apple iPod with video and if I some­how man­age to scoop one of these, then I will give away the brand new one, in the box, as a prize on my site!

Either way, if I win some­thing, you all have the chance to share in my good fortune!

I’ll even ship it out to you personally!

Think I’m jok­ing? Think again! The win­ner of my old bong is prob­a­bly still puff­ing on it right now!

The final deci­sion for the Bobs comes from the panel of judges who will be review­ing each entry and the fol­low­ing sec­tion is addressed to them:

Greet­ings Bob judges! Might I just state at the out­set that no finer panel of experts and dare I say geniuses has ever been assem­bled any­where, at any time, for any purpose!

With your excel­lent judge­ment and fine taste in every­thing, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you all just how amaz­ingly good my web­site is; after all, you do have eyes!

I’m sure you’ve already decided to cast your pre­cious vote for me, but in case you haven’t, the offer of oral sex and hearty hand­shakes is espe­cially open to you all and of course you are NOT excluded from win­ning my iBook or the new iPod with video, should I be awarded with a top prize!

You can’t say fairer than that!

So there you have it my friends, fans and syco­phants. I’m ready to do almost any­thing to win one of these cov­eted awards!

Here’s hop­ing I’m vic­to­ri­ous in my quest!

Hey ho hippyfans!

Is life grand or what?

“Or what” is my stan­dard reply to that ques­tion, but I’m a pessimist.

Ask me how I am and I’ll usu­ally tell you, “…Never better”.

And if pushed to elab­o­rate fur­ther I usu­ally pause briefly and say, “just right then… that was my life peak­ing. It’s never going to get bet­ter than that very moment that’s just passed I’m so glad it was you who got to share it with me.”

I’m fairly sar­cas­tic as well.

Don’t you wish you worked with me? I’m a bar­rel of fuck­ing laughs.

It’s Sun­day morn­ing, north Lon­don time. I’ve been home from work for a few hours and have been avail­ing myself of my brand new television.

It arrived on Thurs­day, but because of my erratic and vari­able work sched­ule, this was the first chance I’ve had to actu­ally watch any qual­ity tele­vi­sion programmes.

I went for the Sony Bravia KDL-32V2000 and I’m glad I did. At the moment they are regarded as the best LCD panel cur­rently on sale and from my lim­ited expe­ri­ence with it, I cer­tainly wouldn’t disagree.

The pic­ture from SKY+ (stan­dard def­i­n­i­tion) is razor sharp and the colours are rich and vivid. It pro­duces per­fect blacks; it has excel­lent con­trast, no motion blur and no dead pix­els. I’m very impressed.

My old Sony CRT set, pur­chased nearly nine years ago when it was already a dated model, served me very well, but com­pared to the new one, well, there is no com­par­i­son. For me it’s a giant leap into the 21st century….where rumour has it, I am a messiah.

It must be true; it says so at the top of your browser.

I’ve always had Sony tv’s, it’s a brand I trust. Dig it!

This morn­ing, I watched the lat­est episode of Dr. Who from BBC One and the penul­ti­mate episode of ER from E4.

I used to think penul­ti­mate meant the per­fect penis. Bad-dum-bum.

Dr. Who rocks and if you ever get the chance to see his recent incar­na­tion, I highly rec­om­mend it!

I wasn’t a Dr. Who fan before last year, but they’ve done such a great job with it that it doesn’t mat­ter if you are new to the fran­chise. The scripts are fan­tas­tic, the char­ac­ters sur­pris­ingly deep and emo­tional and the story lines are far more dra­matic than you would expect for what is essen­tially Sat­ur­day night, tea-time, fam­ily enter­tain­ment. Trust the hippy on this one!

Trust the hippy on everything!

ER is also con­sis­tently good and the final episode of the cur­rent series airs this com­ing Thurs­day. Mainly, in the cur­rent series, they’ve been quite polit­i­cal with the issues they’ve dealt with and the promis­ing slant they’ve taken on them.

They’ve high­lighted the dete­ri­o­rat­ing sit­u­a­tion in Dar­fur as well as drama­tis­ing the Iraq war; both in such a way that the aver­age (read Amer­i­can – sorry guys, but you’re inter­na­tional views do need broad­en­ing!) viewer could com­pre­hend. That’s a good thing and should be applauded.

Ok, I did applaud, but I felt really stu­pid stand­ing in my lounge clap­ping at my new tv. Even the cats looked at me a bit funny.

The other pro­gramme I’ve been dig­ging obscenely is Lost.

I know, I know, old news to my Amer­i­can friends, as the cur­rent series ended last week. Please don’t send me any spoil­ers; I’ve man­aged to suc­cess­fully avoid them so far!

The first series of Lost ended last Jan­u­ary on E4 and they said it was such a hit that they would bring us the 2nd series in the spring.

My idea of spring is the end of March. Chan­nel 4’s idea is the end of May. Bum­mer for the hippy.

I’ve been tempted to down­load, I mean acquire by legit­i­mate means, the entire 2nd series, as now that it has ended in the states, doing so would not be very dif­fi­cult. If I did, I could have a Lost fes­ti­val and screen 20-odd episodes over the space of a cou­ple of days…

Like I don’t have enough dis­trac­tions in my life.

And it’s Big Brother sea­son, which eats up a lot of time every day already. And you thought it wouldn’t get a men­tion in this entry. Well, it did and watch out for my next BB-centric post later this week.

Per­haps I should just stick to watch­ing Lost on E4; then it’s only an hour a week which is per­fectly manageable.

I’ve been rea­son­ably good lately about post­ing here, man­ag­ing a decent entry or two every week. I’m also still involved with a cou­ple of other ongo­ing projects and I work every hour that god sends. He sends lots, because he wanted me to have the new telly.

I’m one busy hippy! I should stop some­time soon and catch my breath!

My hard work here on northlondonhippy.com has not gone unre­warded as my vis­i­tor lev­els con­tinue to climb! Every month it seems I set a new record as you hip­py­fans go forth and multiply.

Which got me think­ing, what can I do to pro­mote this site even more?

And then I realised, you all can help and it won’t cost you more than a cou­ple of min­utes of your time.

Isn’t the plea­sure and unbri­dled joy I bring into your oth­er­wise bleak and dreary exis­tence wor­thy of a cou­ple of min­utes of your time. You can do it right where you are, from the com­fort and secu­rity of your PC.

No, I don’t want you to trans­fer money into my Niger­ian bank account; I’m sav­ing that scam for next month. No, what I want you to do is this:

Rec­om­mend my site to your friends. If you dig the hippy, chances are your mates will too. It will change their lives for the bet­ter, and isn’t that the goal of every right think­ing, decent per­son on the planet?

So it’s sim­ple, send http://northlondonhippy.com to half-a-dozen peo­ple in your email address book. Let them know about the coolest, most under­ground, hap­pen­ing web­site to ever grace the inter­net! They will thank and more impor­tantly, I will thank you!

And if you play your cards right, I’ll be thank­ing you in person!

How?

Sim­ple! My lat­est and great­est con­test is going to be launched next week!

You can “Win a week­end with the hippy!”

No, not at my cramped north Lon­don lair, I’m com­ing to stay at your house!

That’s right kids, the win­ner of my next con­test gets to host me for a week­end at their fab­u­lous coun­try home, or pala­tial Euro­pean cas­tle, or per­haps you’d like to treat to some 5-star hotel luxury!

What I’m say­ing here is you’re respon­si­ble for pro­vid­ing me with accom­mo­da­tion suit­able to the style of which I’m accus­tom. That means no sofas, sleep­ing bags or bed-shares with elderly rel­a­tives. Bed-shares will be con­sid­ered with your teenaged-daughters, pro­vided they are 16 or above and can keep a secret.

I’m pro­vid­ing my own trans­porta­tion, I’ll kick in for food, plus I’ll take you and your family/flatmates/partner/therapist out for a wicked meal at the restau­rant of your choos­ing, in your city or town.

In other words, you can’t say, “I want to eat at Nobu in NYC”. For starters, I’d never get a reser­va­tion. Oh and it’s in another country!

The con­test will be lim­ited to res­i­dents of the Euro­pean Union and any­where Easy­jet or Ryan Air have flights. Sorry North and South Amer­ica, the Mid-East, Africa, Asia and the Sub­con­ti­nent. Oh and Aus­trala­sia too!

I expect you to have a fun filled week­end planned for me that will include explor­ing your part of the world, site see­ing, drug tak­ing and oral sex.

In return, you’ll be sub­jected to my many mood swings and my non-stop sense of humour. If you piss your­self with laugh­ter, I’m not chang­ing your pants!

So watch out for the big announce­ment and be ready with your entry! This hippy might be com­ing to see you very soon!

Today is an excit­ing day. Today is the day I announce the win­ner of the big bong giveaway!

That’s right, kids! One lucky hip­py­fan has just been sent an email from yours truly, let­ting them know that they’ve won my old bong!

And it’s not just any old bong, it’s a BLACK LEAF, one of the best acrylic bongs on the market!

Thank you to every­one who entered the con­test; the qual­ity and stan­dard of your emails was very high. It made it much harder to choose only one winner!

I only wish I could send each and every one of you a bong of your own, but I’m not made of bongs!

Ok, let’s get straight to the excit­ing, nail-biting finish!

Can I have a drum roll please!

Con­grat­u­la­tions to the lucky win­ner, and that win­ner is:

Mark (aged 23 ¼) from Norwich!

Well done, Mark! Your new bong will be arriv­ing some­time next week, once I receive the deliv­ery details. I’ll be per­son­ally tak­ing the bong to the post office and send­ing it myself. It’s my per­sonal assistant’s life time off.
I’ll even spring for first class deliv­ery because that’s just the kind of hippy I am!

And here is Mark’s win­ning entry:

“Hello you crazeeeeeeeeeeeeee hippy!

Please send me your old bong as I’m a poor stu­dent and
cur­rently resigned to smok­ing from an impro­vised pipe
made out of an old flu­o­res­cent light tube and it’s
tear­ing my lips to pieces!!! :/

Go on help one of the social under­classes out!!

Mark (aged 23 ¼)
Norwich”

So that now con­cludes my most recent wild and wacky contest.

You see, peo­ple really do win with the hippy, but let’s be hon­est; you’re already one of life’s real win­ners if you’re a hip­py­fan anyway!

Watch out! I’ve got another wild and wacky con­test up my sleeve already! I’ll be post­ing all the details in the very near future, so be ready to enter!

If you thought the bong con­test was some­thing spe­cial, just wait till you see what the prize is next time!

Who will win my old bong? Will it be *you*? Only if you click *here*

Right now, I’m hav­ing more fun than you…

But that’s because I have more fun than everyone!

Think I’m jok­ing? Think again!

Right now, one of my most wild and wacky inter­net schemes is finally bear­ing a bit of fruit, but shh­h­hhh, I can’t say any more than that, just yet.

I won’t be able to say any­thing for years! Hahahaha

Let’s just say I’m a patient lit­tle hippy and good things come to those who wait!

Could I be any more fuck­ing cryp­tic? Sorry.

Also, I’m a bit stoned. No sur­prise there, but it’s mak­ing me even wilder and wack­ier than usual! Must be all this excitement!

The big bong con­test is rapidly com­ing to a close; I’ll be noti­fy­ing the win­ner a week today. There’s still time to email me your entry and the stan­dard is quite high now, so you’ll have to make a real effort!

Don’t worry; this bong is worth it! It has a retail value of about £38 includ­ing my spe­cial mod­i­fi­ca­tions. That ain’t no chump change, sucka!

Of course, as a prize in a pro­mo­tion, here at Hippy plc, it’s a busi­ness expense, so I will be deduct­ing it from my income tax; much like I do with all the drugs I take, as they are all research expenses for this blog. Dig it, fuckers!

Posts are going to be a bit thin­ner than usual for the next week or so, because I’m work­ing like an absolute slave start­ing from tonight. Don’t worry, I’m well paid, so all my effort will be hand­somely com­pen­sated for! Yipppppeeee to that!

Remem­ber, if you visit my page and there’s no new post, you could always take a ran­dom chance and dip into my hippy archive. Ok, so some of my old posts are shit, but some of the rock da house.

See how lucky you are. Here, I’ll give you a hint. Try search­ing my site using the fol­low­ing three words: “ass bombs euros”. You will be glad you did!

My bong is still up for grabs. Go on, try to grab it while you can! Click here for details.

Hey ho hip­py­fans! How the hell are you?

You know, my Black Ice bong is still sit­ting here, wait­ing to be won by one lucky hip­py­fan. Get your act together, send me your entry! Time is run­ning out!

You’ll notice I’m not refer­ring to you all as “fuck­ers” today, as my younger brother has said that per­haps my lib­eral use of this some­what naughty word might be offend­ing some of my poten­tial hippyfans.

If it has caused any­one any offence, you have my most sin­cere apolo­gies. My use of the word “fuck­ers” was meant to be com­pli­men­tary, as in I was mak­ing the assump­tion that you were all get­ting some; and often!

So from now on, I’m going to refer to you all as “celi­bates”, which I’m sure won’t offend any­one, unless you’re proud of your pro­lific sex­ual activ­ity, in which case I offer YOU my most sin­cere apologies.

You see, that’s the thing, no mat­ter what I say, and if it has any sort of opin­ion con­tained within it, it’s bound to offend some­one. For me, I’d much rather be up front about it and let you know where you stand with me from the start. I know this hippy and his “spe­cial brand of dri­vel” ain’t for every­one and I am pro­foundly cool with that.

My blog is the one place in the world where I can express myself fully and with­out any sort of self-censorship. I can share my rather strong and rabidly lib­eral opin­ions with the wider world with com­plete freedom.

That’s because nobody care’s much about the rav­ings of one mad hippy from north London.

Except you. You care. You must care, or you wouldn’t still be read­ing this, would you?

You care because you all are intel­li­gent enough to recog­nise that I am the “one true genius of the 21st cen­tury”; you are clever enough to see that I’m “a mes­siah for the new millennium”.

“I’m the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of…but not for long.” The main­stream media is poised to dis­cover me any sec­ond now. They’ll all drop to their knees and beg me to con­tribute to their tra­di­tional media world for bucket-loads of cash and lash­ings of crit­i­cal acclaim!

Or maybe just a lash­ing. Who can really say?

The real world media doesn’t know what it’s miss­ing out on by con­tin­u­ing to ignore me. I’ve got the real world cre­den­tials to be a liv­ing media god, but they don’t care, do they!

I sup­pose if I was some school teacher and I got off with one of my stu­dents, then they would care. Well they would if I was a woman, espe­cially if I was a hot, young blonde woman like Debra Lafave.

She was a school teacher in the states who shagged one of her under­age stu­dents. Big deal. Every teenage boy should be that fuck­ing lucky with his first fucking!

If teach­ers looked like that when I was a stu­dent, and they put out reg­u­larly, atten­dance would have been at 100% every day of the school year! Just imag­ine the home­work assign­ments! “Tonight, stu­dents, I want you to prac­tise lick­ing teacher’s pussy. I’ll be vis­it­ing all of your homes, one at a time and giv­ing you each a chance with my waxed punani.” Oh baby, oh baby!

All right, enough with the cheap jokes. See the Van Halen video “Hot for Teacher”.

The fact is, male teach­ers have been bang­ing stu­dents for as long as there have been schools. I can remem­ber hear­ing rumours about teach­ers in my school screw­ing young girls and every­one just looked the other way. Even when they got knocked-up, which was one of the more believ­able and per­sis­tent rumours.

Always believe every rumour. Usu­ally, they are true.

Amer­ica and it’s crazy, wacky ver­sion of fun­da­men­tal­ist Chris­t­ian val­ues just couldn’t look the other way. Instead, they have tried to pros­e­cute this poor, horny, hot young woman.

She stood accused of hav­ing sex­ual needs, which as every­one knows is a sin. She also stood accused of ful­fill­ing her sex­ual needs with an under­age boy.

She stood accused for being human. Who among us could risk temp­ta­tion if it is served up on the prover­bial sil­ver plat­ter? Does any­one really think get­ting a teenage boy to give it to a very hot, slightly older woman is a hard sell? Did she put a gun to his head?

Now that would be kinky!

The punch­line to this entire tale is my favourite part of the story. It seems Ms. Lafave can’t serve a sen­tence in prison accord­ing to her lawyer.

Why? Sim­ple, because she is too fuck­ing hot look­ing to do time!

In the end, the judge dropped the charges and the mat­ter has been put to rest.

I’m just won­der­ing if it would be worth me sign­ing up for her next class. I read some­where that Debby Lafave is going to become an adult edu­ca­tion teacher.

You can make your own god­damn joke from that one. I’ve given you a great set-up line to start with!

One of you is really going to win my bong, but you can’t win it, if you don’t enter. Click here for all the details. It really could be *you*

Hey fuck­ers. I’m hav­ing one of those hip­py­days that make life worth liv­ing already!

I’ve been awake since 5am, lucky me. I went to bed around 11pm, so that’s 6 hours of qual­ity sleep. Ok, it’s not enough.

I’ve already watched the lat­est episode of the Sopra­nos, which is a pretty neat trick here in north Lon­don, con­sid­er­ing it’s get­ting it’s first run in Amer­ica on HBO right now. Why do I have to wait for Chan­nel Four to get their act together? I’ll watch it again when they show it any­way, so every­one wins!

I’m dig­ging it already and they’re only up to episode two. Rock on.

I’ve also been out to the superduper­mar­ket and it was a good trip. I was there and back in 45 min­utes and didn’t for­get a sin­gle item. Yipppeee to that!

I’ve also read all my usual news­pa­per sites and other assorted web­pages, checked all my email accounts and responded to the more press­ing ones. I’ve also done some web shop­ping, plac­ing an order with Ama­zon and EDIT.

Besides a few small, incon­se­quen­tial items, the two main things I pur­chased from EDIT are the following:

A RooR dif­fuser (for my Lit­tle Sista 5.0 Ice Master)

…and

SPICE!

The dif­fuser was planned all along, but to order one, I had to mea­sure the down­pipe that was shipped with the Lit­tle Sista, because each bong is unique and the lengths can vary. Hey ho!

Spice, appears to be a herbal smok­ing mix­ture that is sup­pose to smell and taste good as well as get you high! Sounds good to me; and appar­ently it also mixes very well with weed, so I could be on to a win­ner. It also costs the same as skunk, so I’m hop­ing the reviews I’ve seen means it lives up to the hype. I’ll find out tomorrow.

I always try to stay up to date and on the cut­ting edge of legal highs! Watch out for my per­sonal review of Spice, com­ing soon!
God, is this a dull-ass post­ing or what? I went shop­ping, I bought this, I wanked my cock down to a bloody stump!

OK, I made up that last one, just to see if you were pay­ing atten­tion. You are. Good.

See, here’s the thing. As “the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of….but not for long”, I’m con­stantly check­ing my hit­counter to see if my online star­dom has arrived.

So far, it hasn’t.

That doesn’t stop me from check­ing, though. As “a mes­siah for the new mil­len­nium”, I know I need to get my words out to the masses in a big old way; and I know my time will come; and soon!

In the mean­time, I am chart­ing a rather steady increase in traf­fic to my site. There’s loads of new hip­py­fans join­ing you old timers every day. I can even see how many of you fuck­ers are book­mark­ing me and grab­bing the syn­di­ca­tion feeds and it warms this hippy’s heart to no end!

It’s not that I’m unpop­u­lar, or unknown, I pre­fer to see it as still remain­ing under­ground; so if you’ve made it here, well done you!

I love you hip­py­fans, I really do. That’s why I want to give you my old bong. For the hippy loveth you all so much that he doth giveth you his old acrylic old! Dig it fuckers!

So to my hip­py­fans, both old and new, thank you for vis­it­ing my page.

You’re part of the inter­net elite, a small, extremely intel­li­gent and sexy sub­group of inter­net users who have the good taste, com­mon sense and quite frankly, the over­whelm­ing cool required to fully appre­ci­ate what­ever it is I do here.

What is it I do here, again? Oh yeah, my spe­cial brand of drivel!

You are by far the best group of fans on the inter­net and though your num­bers may be few (and grow­ing rapidly), you all more than make up for it with your style, wit and joie de vivre!

So whether you are a first time vis­i­tor or a long time hip­py­fan, wel­come to my wild, weird and wacky world!

“I’ll make you laugh, I’ll make you think, I’ll make you wish you were a hippy too!” Or some­thing like that.

Well it’s a hippy happy, happy hippy, sec­ond anniver­sary to me!

That’s right fuck­ers; I’m two years old today, well offi­cially anyway.

It was two years ago this very day that I became the internet’s smartest, sex­i­est and most well-hung blogger.

I’m the one true genius of the 21st cen­tury; I’m a mes­siah for the new mil­len­nium too!

I’m also the biggest inter­net celebrity you’ve never heard of! But not for long, now that I’ve reached this major blog­ging mile­stone, I’m sure the main­stream media will be beg­ging to suck my cock.

Any day now, I’ll be asked to write insight­ful “think pieces” on var­i­ous sub­jects for classy, glossy mag­a­zines as well as being invited to appear on pop­u­lar TV pro­grammes to dis­cuss my pro­gres­sive views on drug legal­i­sa­tion and oral sex.

Need­less to say, I’ll be hand­somely com­pen­sated for my time and trou­ble with truck­loads of cash, buck­ets of hard drugs and count­less easy women.

It could happen!

The non-de plume, “northlon­don­hippy” was actu­ally first used by me around six months prior to my blog­ging debut on the EDIT Forums. I haven’t posted any­thing there in ages and ages, instead I put it all here in my blog. I do dip into it occa­sion­ally just to see what the kids are into these days.

When I was post­ing on EDIT, it was mainly on the sub­ject of my beloved and now banned magic mush­rooms. It was an excel­lent resource on the sub­ject and still is, as well as hav­ing sub-sections for every­thing else under the drug-induced sun.

I tried to log into recently and guess what? I can’t remem­ber my pass­word and there doesn’t seem to be a way to reset it. Bum­mer, man!

Hey, if any­one from EDIT reads my blog, say “hi”; get in touch, let’s talk business!

Ah-hem.

So what’s hap­pened to this hippy in the last two years? Do you really want the pot­ted history?

There are over 430 hippy entries includ­ing this one, which cat­a­logue my every move for the last two years. They cover my stretch of unem­ploy­ment, my quest for find­ing a job, my drug intake, my stu­pid, cheap jokes at the expense of oth­ers, the loss of my father and gen­er­ally every thought, feel­ing and emo­tion I’ve experienced.

Ok, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the idea.

Every­one is busy; every­one goes through changes; what makes me so special?

I’m the moth­er­fuck­ing northlon­don­hippy god­damn it!

I swear unnec­es­sar­ily, I blas­pheme; I smoke dope daily. I always tell the truth, no mat­ter where that truth may lead me, whether it is about the world, the uni­verse or myself.

I know there’s more that I don’t know than I do. I know that’s true for every­one on the planet that is alive now or ever will be.

We know about 1% of 1% of noth­ing about our exis­tence. I don’t see that increas­ing any time soon.

We’ll never know why we’re here; we’ll never know how we came to be.

Any­thing beyond those two sim­ple state­ments is either con­jec­ture or bull­shit or both.

It dri­ves me mad that I’ll never have answers to these basic, fun­da­men­tal ques­tions. I’ve lost more sleep pon­der­ing the impon­der­able than over any­thing else in my entire stink­ing life!

Is it any won­der I smoke dope all the time?

The real ques­tion is, why don’t the rest of you smoke it all the time too?

I try to sus­tain my piti­ful exis­tence by just accept­ing that I’m here and it doesn’t mat­ter why or how. I get through every day by telling myself it’s all point­less, mainly because it is all point­less, in the greater scheme of things.

We’re tiny, insignif­i­cant lit­tle crea­tures, all of us on this planet from the small­est insects to us hair­less, pseudo-intellectual apes.

Actu­ally, we’re worst off of them all, because we can think; we think we’re special.

We’re not spe­cial; we’re just part of the flora and fauna…only we’re con­sum­ing or pol­lut­ing the rest of the flora and fauna faster than it can keep up.

We are either poi­son­ing our­selves or eat­ing our­selves, either way that doesn’t leave much, does it?

So we all do what we need to do to get through each day.

So what if I’ll never get the answers I seek, nei­ther will you, no one will. It’s not like you all know the truth and you’re keep­ing it a secret from me.

Are you? Are you?

Wouldn’t that be a pisser!

PS.
You can still win my god­damn bong.

I have to say the stan­dard of entries so far has been a bit, um, I don’t want to offend any­one, but they’ve been a bit sub-par. I know you fuck­ers can do better!

There’s still time to enter, every­thing you need to know is just a CLICK away.

PPS.
Watch out for my per­sonal top five favourite hip­py­posts, com­ing soon to this very page!

One bong. One win­ner. One hippy to decide! Click here to enter!

What’s with you guys?

Don’t you want to win my old bong?

This con­test is seri­ous. This con­test is real!

You can win my old bong. Well, you can if you enter. There’s a link at the top of this page that will tell you how!

Some­one really has to win it, why not let it be you!

My new bong arrived yes­ter­day in all its RooR good­ness. I went for the Lit­tle Sista Ice Mas­ter 5.0 and it’s a work of art! It’s also mas­sive! It’s a good thing I’m get­ting rid of my old one!

Believe it or not, I haven’t tried it yet. I’m wait­ing for the right time to test drive it. I expect it will smoke like a dream.

I’m awake too early again this morn­ing, thanks to two my cats. I’m work­ing tonight and they woke me up more than 12 hours before I’m due at my office. I’m going back to bed, very soon.

I’ve got a cou­ple of things I need to sort out before I rejoin my pil­lows and this entry is just my attempt to kill some time.

Does that make you feel bad? That I’m only here to waste some time? I’ve got no pearls of wis­dom or clever obser­va­tions to share with you. I’m just here because I can’t think of any­thing bet­ter to do.

A lot of life is just killing time. Wait­ing is prob­a­bly our num­ber one pas­time. We wait in shops, in doctor’s offices, we wait for pages to load in our browsers online; we wait for food to be served, plates to be cleared, loved ones to phone.

Most of the time, we’re all just wait­ing to die.

Maybe your death is decades away, maybe it’s only moments. Per­haps while you’re sit­ting at your PC, read­ing this very hip­py­post­ing, you might shuf­fle off that mor­tal coil.

Sorry in advance if my dri­vel is the last thing on your mind when you meet your maker!

Per­haps you’re one of those peo­ple that fill every wak­ing moment with some­thing use­ful and wor­thy. Well done, you.

I try to keep busy, I strive not to waste time, but I can’t help it. There’s just so much of it to waste.

Until you run out of time, then you wish you could have all the time back.

Some­times I feel like I’ve wasted the last 20 years of my life.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t had fun, because I’m the king of fun, but I do won­der some­times if the choices I’ve made and the direc­tions I’ve taken have been the right ones.

There’s a school of thought that says what­ever deci­sion you make, it’s the right deci­sion, because it’s the one you made. I’ll buy that because it means you can absolve your­self from any second-guessing.

I don’t like to second-guess myself. Instead, I take stock fre­quently. Most days, I’m not doing too badly.

I’ve got Mrs. H, I’ve got my younger brother; I’ve got a job I dig that pays rea­son­ably well and I’m writ­ing more lately than I ever have. I’ve got a roof over my head and food in my belly. I’ve got com­put­ers, the inter­net and satel­lite tv. I’ve got a house full of cats that keep me enter­tained. I’ve always got dope!

What is this, fuck­ing thanksgiving?

The real ques­tion is; would you do any­thing dif­fer­ently if you had the chance?

Of course I would! Wouldn’t you?

For starters, I’d be taller!

That’s right fuck­ers! My old bong is up for grabs and maybe you will win it!

I’m giv­ing away my slightly used, slightly mod­i­fied, Black Leaf Bong with an Ice Twist. That’s the actual bong you can see in the slightly blurry cam­er­a­phone pics above. It’s even nicer in real life.

It’s a black acrylic bong, quite tall, angled, with an inte­grated ice twist for an extra cool smoke. The bong fea­tures an Aus­tralian styled lift off bowl for easy refill­ing and clean­ing and has a carb hole on the back.

I added the orange extend­ing tube that you can see in the photo; it adds a level of fil­tra­tion as well as adding length. Size does count, kids! Don’t believe every­thing you hear!

The bong hits like a dream and I’m only part­ing with it to make room for yet another bong and of course, to improve the oth­er­wise bleak and dreary exis­tence of some lucky hippyfan!

I tried to give my car away once; it didn’t work. I gave away an after­noon of shroom­ing with me; way back when magic mush­rooms were legal. This time, I’ve got a prize that all of you will want badly!

So here are the rules.

1) You need to be 18 years or older to enter. Sorry kids, but I won’t be cor­rupt­ing any minors. You’ll all have to do that yourselves.

2) I’m only will­ing to ship the bong within the Euro­pean Union, so if you’re not in the EU, sorry. It’s sim­ple, there are no cus­toms checks within the EU, so I’m con­fi­dent the win­ner will actu­ally receive it by stan­dard post. I’ll repeat that, this con­test is only open to res­i­dents of the Euro­pean Union with a valid postal address.

3) The judge’s word is final. I’m the judge, what I say goes. The prize will be awarded accord­ing to my dis­cre­tion, so don’t blame me if some local 19 year old hot­tie who offered me oral sex won it over you! I didn’t say I wasn’t cor­rupt­ible or open to bribes, so do your worst, er best!

4) The bong will arrive in plain pack­ag­ing, sent and addressed to what­ever name and address you sup­ply. Yes, you can use a fake name, but you need to sup­ply a valid address. The bong will arrive in excel­lent, clean con­di­tion, with a brand new bowl, and con­in­cal gauze. The postage will be fully paid.

5) Only the win­ner, upon noti­fi­ca­tion of win­ning will need to sup­ply an address. You do NOT need to send me any of your real life details to enter! If you are not pre­pared to sup­ply details so I can ship the bong to you, if you win, please don’t bother entering!

How to enter:

Enter­ing the “Win the hippy’s old bong con­test” couldn’t be eas­ier! Fol­low these sim­ple steps and you will be well on your way to pos­si­bly win­ning my old bong for free! Every­one loves some­thing free, don’t they?

1) All you need to do is send an email to thehippy@northlondonhippy.com

2) Impor­tant! Please put “Gimme your old bong you crazeee hippy” in the sub­ject line of the email.

3) In the body of the email, please explain in as many words as you think you need, why I should send you my old bong. Be cre­ative, be convincing!

4) Please men­tion your gen­uine age and loca­tion. I don’t mean your street address; for exam­ple, I would say “north London”.

The win­ner will be noti­fied by return email no later than Fri­day 14th April 2006, so no entries will be accepted after mid­night 13th April 2006 (local north Lon­don time).

Dis­claimer:
– This con­test is void in your area if pro­hib­ited by local law
– No guar­an­tees will be under­taken in the deliv­ery of the prize, if the postal ser­vice loses it, we all lose!
– The hippy is in no way respon­si­ble for any­thing that might hap­pen as a result of you win­ning the prize or what might fol­low after any pos­si­ble use of the prize. If you get in trou­ble with your par­ents, your part­ner or the police, it is your respon­si­bil­ity, not the hippy’s in any shape or form. The win­ner is solely respon­si­ble for every­thing! You can’t blame the hippy for jack­shit, so don’t even try, fuck­ers!
– Er, that’s all I can think of…
– If you’re a lawyer and want to keep my ass out of trou­ble, email with more!