Who wouldn’t want a high that was legal? Isn’t that the ultimate goal? Sure, booze is legal and will get you absolutely blotto, but so what? People want a choice of intoxicants.

I don’t like liquor and if asked, will declare that I no longer drink. Its true, I can’t remember the last time I had even a sip of alcohol. The hangovers were just too much to bear. I’m too old for a self-inflicted sore head.

Where does that leave you if you don’t like booze, but you do enjoy altering your state of consciousness? Black market drugs like weed and coke and smack and MDMA and speed and LSD I guess.

But what if you don’t want to break the law? I’ve already suggested voting for leaders who would change the laws, but we can’t seem to find any, except for the Lib Dems and if its going to be a hung parliament anyway, then we should all vote for the Lib Dems so they can have a bigger share of the eventual coalition government.

But I digress. If you want to get high without breaking the law, you look for something legal.

Until 2005, fresh magic mushrooms were legal to purchase and possess in the UK.

Finally, there was a legal high available that was profoundly effective and readily available. I shroomed regularly for a couple of years, every week or two. I was always careful, I stayed in a safe, comfortable environment (my own home) and had very pleasant, enjoyable times. It was easily one of the best drug experiences of my life, I can’t begin to express how much I enjoyed it.

Well, I can and I did, if you read the first couple of years of my output here, I rave about shrooms continually. Taken responsibly and with a rough knowledge of the appropriate dosage, shrooms are relatively harmless. You would need to consume your own weight in mushrooms for the dose to be fatally toxic and I haven’t heard about anyone who’s tried.

You could always pick fresh mushrooms in the wild, provided you knew what you were looking for, because the wrong type of mushroom could be fatally toxic at a much lower dosage. But if you were buying them from someone who could reliably tell you the strain, with knowledge of where they were farmed and advice on how many to take, you would be much better off.

And for a few years, we were much better off, with our safe, easy to buy fresh shrooms. It was bliss.

And then they got very popular. And then the media got interested. And then the government got involved. And then they were banned.

The above paragraph will be repeated again, you will notice, I promise.

And so I did sadly lament the demise of my beloved shrooms because the government man didn’t want me to have any more fun.

But it was too late, the market for legal highs had been established, a decent customer base still existed. All they needed was another product, something legal that would fuck you up a bit.

The answer came from New Zealand:

BZP

BZP came as something called party pills, which was a big change from fresh shrooms, it was a man made chemical of dubious origin. Rumour was it was used for worming pets, but it gave people a buzz, so we tried it.

It worked. It was quite speedy and a bit spacey, pleasant but not overwhelming. There were many brands, legal high forums were brimming with reviews to help you choose. People were happy to have anything that was legal and had an effect.

And then they got very popular. And then the media got interested. And then the government got involved. And then they were banned.

Right around the same time, the first legal marijuana substitutes that worked came along, the first was called Spice, which has become a generic term for these drugs. The ingredients were kept secret, so we didn’t know what the magic herbs we were smoking were, but we knew they got us high.

Turns out the herbs weren’t magic, but the JHW-081 they sprayed onto it was. JHW-081 is a synthetic cannabinoid, made in a lab to mimic THC. Sneaky fuckers, no wonder it worked.

As if overnight, many different brands of smoking mixtures came on to the market, all with a very similar weed-like effect. It was legal, but it was also expensive, and in some cases pricier than real weed.

Think about that, people were willing to pay more for a legal weed alternative, than actual weed. That says a lot.

And then they got very popular. And then the media got interested. And then the government got involved. And then they were banned.

In the gloom of my post-legal-shrooms existence, I tried many of these legal highs and a few years ago, I was getting these rather delightful little capsules shipped in legally from Israel.

They tried to keep the ingredients a secret, but with a bit of research, I discovered it was a chemical related to cathinone, which is the active ingredient in khat, the Africa plant that is used as a stimulant when chewed.

At first, I only ordered a couple and found them quite pleasant and quite strong, closer to real MDMA than BZP or the crap that followed. I ordered a few more, and then a few more.

And then I ordered a lot.

And then I lost a couple of days. No lie, I think my bender lasted around 48 hours. People were concerned, I just disappeared. It was the most morish drug I’ve ever had and I used to do coke years ago. I kept going until I swallowed the last pill I had.

Then I crashed for a couple of days and felt extremely depressed. I was angry with myself for losing control, something I rarely if ever do while under the influence of anything. I didn’t control this drug, this drug controlled me.

It didn’t, ever again. I didn’t touch any more after that. It seemed to target my pleasure centre with laser-guided precision. No thanks.

Guess what I am 99.9% certain that drug was?

Mephedrone.

Kids, listen to your old uncle hippy, that shit’s not worth it. Its way too morish. It feels absolutely wonderful when you’re taking it and you will want to take it endlessly. You can’t, eventually the money, or your body will give out and then you will crash. The crash sucks. Its not worth the pleasure.

As much as I don’t like mephedrone, I am merely suggesting (in strong, unambiguous terms) that you not take it, I am not suggesting some knee jerk reactionary ban. Actually, I think it makes more sense to keep it legal and out in the open. at least until you have an alternative to offer.

If the government can’t offer an alternative (I suggest weed, please), the marketplace will find one. It always does, because we live in a capitalist society and supply will always try to meet demand.

Oh, and if you’re against supply and demand, even in the illicit marketplace, then you are against the very foundation of capitalism. So take that all you anti-drug commie pinko socialists! Get on the free market bandwagon, don’t get in the way of trade!

Banning mephedrone isn’t the answer, unless the question is: “how can we get another untested, cutting edge man-made intoxicant into the hands of our children in the quickest possible time?”

I’ve yet to see one conclusive report of a death being caused directly by mephedrone. I’ve seen lots of bullshit about it being “linked” to a few untimely deaths, but alcohol and other drugs have also been in the mix, though that hasn’t been highlighted.

If I drank myself to death right now while eating a banana, you could quite accurately state that, until the coroner’s report is issued, my death was linked to eating a banana. I can see the headlines now, “Ban the Yellow Scourge”.

Booze kills and kills often, but the alcohol industry spends a lot of money on image and reputation management. When you think of liquor, you don’t think of corpses, do you? No, you think of good times, parties and women in tight dresses that you know will have sex with you.

Think about how many times you’ve gotten pissed, puked your insides out and woke up the next day feeling like death, swearing you’d never ever do that to yourself again. Until next Saturday.

That’s either effective marketing or addiction. Or both.

The legal high industry isn’t organised, they don’t have a centralised body to speak on their behalf and be their public face. Its the same for illegal highs for that matter. Who represents them? Who does their spinning?

No one.

Maybe its time they did.

People’s need to get high, to be intoxicated, to alter their state, is not new and its not going away any time soon. There will always be a demand for substances, legal or otherwise, that change your mood.

Recent history has shown that when given the choice, people prefer legal substances, even if they cost more and have less pleasant effects than their illegal rivals.

If the government left well enough alone with my old friends, magic mushrooms, none of us would have ever heard of mephedrone and whatever might follow.

Go on, if you let us all have legal weed, we can leave all is designer drug shit alone. Please?

All drugs.

The article I am referring to is RIGHT HERE and is well worth a few minutes of your valuable surfing time because it lays out a very rational, sensible and persuasive argument for this radical suggestion.

As the UN meets in Vienna to decide the next decade’s drug policy, why won’t they listen to the experts?

There are so many intelligent, educated, thoughtful members of respectable society who believe legalisation is the only solution. There are loads of senior policemen who believe this, many civil servants and politicians do too, but they are too afraid to speak up because of the false hysteria surrounding the issue.

David Cameron, most likely the next Prime Minister of this country is sympathetic to the idea of radically changing our approach on the subject as mentioned in this, another well written and thoughtful piece on the subject from politics.co.uk

I’ve always thought we’ve had more of a chance of changing the laws under a conservative government, because it takes a strong party to take decisive action.

If David Cameron would take one key step in that direction, he could have my support.

Mr. Cameron, I implore you to shift your public position based on facts and science. Please consider decriminalising or legalising cannabis as soon as you are in power.

Illegal factory-style cannabis farms should be closed down.

Check out THIS REPORT from the BBC.

Factory cannabis-farms are often set-up in rented accommodation, with the landlords none the wiser until they receive a phone call from the police telling them their income property has been trashed.

Illegal cannabis farmers steal electricity from neighbours or from the an energy supplier; either way its theft and its wrong. Safety is ignored and fires are not uncommon. And saddest of all, they are frequently staffed by illegal aliens trapped in a type of hellish indentured servitude.

Where I split from the government is their choice of solution; police raids won’t make the problem go away, it will only make it relocate to yet another unsuspecting venue. The trade is far too lucrative for those involved to give it up. Raids are simply a calculated risk balanced against a very rewarding return.

Its supply and demand, the very cornerstone of our capitalist system. To ignore or deny this very simple truth, is to be blinkered and ostrich like.

There’s a better way.

There’s always a better way, but it would involve our leaders shifting their current position, which is one of disinformation and lies, towards a more open and honest approach.

Its time to legalise the industry and take it out of the hands of criminals. Its time to regulate and tax cannabis, bring the market under some sort of control.

To be against a legal cannabis industry is to be against the very heart and soul of capitalism.

Don’t let the conditioning the media has been force-feeding you colour your view on this. They’ve been systematically trying to discredit cannabis and pervert your perception of it for quite some time now.

Why?

Its easy to score points with the public by appearing tough on drugs. Also, it diverts your attention from more important issues, like Iraq, climate change or the economy.

The time is now for this unadulterated bullshit to end.

Back when Blair and Blunkett were in charge, cannabis was downgraded and they even toyed with a police policy of making arrests for possession of cannabis the lowest possible priority. Things were finally moving in the right direction, the government was listening to advisors and scientistis and using a bit of common sense.

Meanwhile in America, the “war on drugs” was still going strong, along with federal raids on medical marijuana clubs and imprisonment for possession. This wasn’t that long ago.

Under Obama, things have already changed with an end to federal raids and an official policy that secedes power to individual states with regards to cannabis.

California is now considering legalisation and taxation, because the state is nearly bankrupt. Desperate times clearly call for creative measures, this one will bring Cali an estimated annual tidy sum of $1.3 billion (with a B) dollars.

Many other states have decriminalised possession and have made it the lowest possible policing priority.

Our out-of-touch, out-of-step government is about as un-Obama as possible.

If people wonder why Obama didn’t make more time for Gordon Brown, they’re not really looking closely enough. They couldn’t be more polar opposites when it comes to genuine liberal thought and policy.

Legalising weed would create legitimate jobs, for legitimate farmers and distributors; jobs that already exist in the black economy, fuelling a rather sizeable black market that exists outside the tax and social security system.

A legal and controlled industry would insure that safety standards were met at the point of production, for the facilities, the staff and the product. You would know the weed you were getting was pure and unadulterated. You would know the person who grew it was paid a reasonable, taxable wage.

As much as I wish to see these dangerous and illegal cannabis farms closed down, I’m smart enough to realise that police raids alone are not the answer. If you really want to end the illegal cannabis trade, there is only one practical, workable solution: Legalise!

Even the UN may come to this conclusion as they prepare to finalise an agreement this week in Vienna, but as this report in today’s Guardian suggests, there are still deep divisions with some EU and Latin American countries favouring a more rational approach, with the US preferring to continue the pointless “war on drugs”.

Oh President Saviour Obama, are you listening? The “war on drugs” has been an abysmal failure and many knowledgeable and respectable people believe its been worse than the actual harm caused by the drugs themselves. Could you please call your minions in Vienna and sort this sorry mess out?

If you want to know more, please check out my Cannabis Truth Series

This week, US Attorney General, Eric Holder confirmed that federal raids on Medical Marijuana facilities would end and individual states could determine their own policies regarding my favourite plant. He said this is “now American policy”.

How cool is that?

This is a huge shift in the way the law deals with weed in America. I wish the UK could be equally enlightened, but the government here works very hard to be as un-Obama-like as possible.

And they don’t want to stop there either. Legislators in California are now considering taking it one step further, with a possible plan to fully legalise and tax cannabis to help bale out the financially destitute state. They say it could bring in $1.3 billion (with a B) in tax revenue to the state annually.

That’s a lot of greenbacks for a lot of greenery! Its common fucking sense! Prohibition doesn’t work, never has, never will. If you can’t beat ‘em, tax ‘em.

Obama’s motto throughout his campaign was “Yes, we can.” Now that he’s in office, the new motto is: “Yes, we cannabis!”

Roseanne Barr, domestic goddess, comedian and now radio talkshow host is selling some very cool tee-shirts in America with that very slogan on them, Yes, we CANnabis.

We should all order ourselves one to show our support for this long overdue change in policy. Let’s hope that it spreads out from America to the rest of the world.

Since yesterday.

Every day I drink the best coffee I’ve ever tasted and I have absolutely no regrets on how much money I spent.

I have an Izzo Vivi espresso maker and a Macap M4D grinder as well as various accessories that help me pursue the perfect coffee.

The Izzo Vivi is on the low-end of the pro-sumer coffee maker scale, but is an excellent piece of kit. Its been reliable, dependable and relatively easy to use and maintain. Most importantly, it cranks out shot after shot of delicious espresso and has plenty of steam power to turn your milk into light and pour-able mirco-foam.

The espresso maker, as I quickly learned, is not the most important machine component in coffee making, its the grinder. To really make good espresso, you need a grinder that is up to the task and whatever you think you should spend on one, its probably not enough. Any coffee website or forum will tell you exactly the same thing.

My espresso maker has no real controls on it, except for the lever that operates the pump. You fill the portafilter with freshly ground coffee, lock it into place and then lift the lever to the pump. When you’re done, flip the lever down and the pump stops. That’s really it.

All of your control comes from adjusting the fineness of the grind and once you find your espresso range, requires minimal tweaking depending on the type and freshness of your coffee beans.

Which leads me to what I think is the single most important component in coffee making: freshly roasted beans.

I’ve read of something called the “rule of twelve’s” when it comes to coffee which goes like this:

unroasted, green coffee beans stay fresh for 12 months
roasted coffee beans stay fresh for around 12 days
ground coffee stays fresh for 12 minutes

I buy my coffee online, about every fortnight, to insure I have the freshest, tastiest beans possible. I grind my beans directly in the portafilter, only seconds before I brew my espresso. You can’t get any fresher than that.

Coffee oxidises quickly and releases gasses which break it down and the flavour suffers for this. If you’re buying your coffee pre-ground, or you are buying roasted beans without knowing the roasting date, you are cheating yourself out of the best coffee you can drink.

And if you are using those pre-filled coffee pods, you are trading convenience for taste.

You don’t have to spend as much as I have, but you really owe it to yourself to grind your own coffee and there are plenty of more affordable options for grinders than mine.

And freshly roasted beans aren’t that expensive, a quarter kilo of a decent single estate or blend costs about the same as a tall cappuccino from one of the high street chains and you’ll get at least 8 double espressos from it.

And it doesn’t have to be espresso, a decent Bodum press-pot with freshly ground coffee will make an outstanding cup and if you are only grinding for filter coffee, you can find some real bargains on grinders. I promise you, you will taste the difference.

My grinder is used every day, but the same can’t be said for the espresso maker. When I don’t have the time to heat it up, or clean it down after use, instead I use an Aeropress.

The main feature of the Aeropress is that it will work with the same fineness of grind as the espresso maker, so no need to readjust the grinder. The Aeropress is made of plastic, very simple to use and clean and produces a very convincing espresso-like coffee. I heat up some milk in the microwave and use one of those battery-operated hand whisks to froth it and in less than 5 minutes, have something which approximates a cappuccino.

But when I have the time, I always make the extra effort to use the Vivi. It takes longer and requires more clean-up, but its worth it.

My daily coffee routine is something like this:

Switch on the Vivi
Wait 30–45 minutes for it to warm up
When ready, brew a double espresso
do a 2 second flush to clear loose grounds from the shower screen
backflush for 10–15 seconds to clear oils from the brew path
froth my milk
flush the steam wand to get any milk residue out
build my drink
enjoy

Most days, I have a second cup as well, after that, I switch the machine off to let it cool. Then I clean out the drip tray, wipe it down and every other day, I refill the water reservoir.

I also backflush with detergent occasionally, I soak the baskets and portafilters in the same detergent, I soak the tip of the steam wand in milk deposit remover and every few months I descale the boiler. None of this is difficult or time consuming.

My accessory collection includes 2x lined shot glasses to check I am getting the correct volume of espresso in the correct amount of time (2 ounces in around 30 seconds), a couple of shot pots, a stainless steam jug for milk frothing, a 58mm Reg Barber tamper, a portafilter holder for tamping, and a shot timer. The tamping stand and the shot timer are useful, but not essential, everything else I couldn’t do without.

I also have 4 portafilters; one with 2 spouts and a double basket, another with one spout and a double basket, a third with a blanking disk for backflushing and a fourth that’s bottomless with a triple basket. The bottomless portafilter was useful when I was learning how to pack a portafilter properly, as it showed me where to look for my mistakes.

I spent a good part of the year sampling different beans and blends, but for many months now, I’ve been sticking one particular bean, called Yemen Mokha Matrar which is the richest, tastiest of all I tried. It works particularly well in milk-based drinks, like my amazing cappuccinos.

You can get Yemen Mokha Matrar from a variety of suppliers, though the roaster I use, roasts to order. I place an order on his website and he roasts the beans for me and ships them out the same day. Its a great service and they arrive the following day.

If anyone wants the name of the roaster I use, please feel free to email me. I’d like to include a link to his site, but would you want to be known as my official coffee roaster? I’m not certain he would either.

Since I started making my own proper coffee at home, I haven’t had a coffee any place else that even comes close, not from the high street chains, not from the coffee vendor in my office, nowhere!

Life is far too short to be drinking sludge and you owe it to yourself to provide yourself with the finest coffee possible. Put it this way, if I had to pay high street prices for every cappuccino I’ve had at home in the last year, I could have bought three sets of coffee making gear.

And if you are wondering why an old trippy hippy like me digs coffee so much, its simple. Coffee is a drug, like anything else that has an effect on your mood and perception. Don’t believe me, read this and learn if you drink too much, you can have proper hallucinations.

Xmas is less than 2 weeks away and if you haven’t finished your holiday gift shopping, then you are just like everyone else! But you’ve got something they haven’t got…a certain north London-based hippy with a questionable character. I’ve got a few suggestions to help you out.

I find xmas stressful, everything is busier, people are ruder and nothing pisses me off more than queueing up to spend my hard earned money.

Let me share a tale with you from last Saturday.…

Last Saturday afternoon, I made the rather unfortunate mistake of visiting my local supermarket in my car. It’s a large chain supermarket, with a large car park. I needed to pick up a few things and didn’t have a choice.

When I arrived at the supermarket, I noticed the queue of cars departing, but didn’t really think too much of it. The car park was quite full, but I managed to find a space without any stress. I decided to abbreviate my shopping list, grabbed a hand basket and swept through the shop quite quickly. I even found a till with no one waiting and was checked out in record time. And then the real fun began.

I returned to my car to discover the car park had filled up even more and the queue of departing cars stretched to the very end of the car park. It took me around 10 minutes just to get out of my space, because of being blocked by other passing cars, arriving or departing.

After getting out of my space, I joined the queue of departing cars, heading towards the exit and that’s when the real fun began. The line of traffic was barely moving and after 15–20 minutes, I phoned Mrs. H to warn her I would be a bit later than I expected.

After 30 minutes of not moving, other people were starting to get restless and I began to see examples of road-rage, or rather, car-park rage. Cars, were trying to cut into the queue of cars heading for the exit, others were trying to merge from unexpected directions. Then cars arriving, started queuing up for limited parking spaces, cutting off departing cars and allowing merging cars to jump in front. It was total car-park chaos!

Being the resource sort and maintaining my calm through the regular ingestion of cigarettes and chocolates from my shopping, I got the number for the supermarket and rang it from my mobile phone. I asked to speak to the manager, identifying myself as a customer trapped outside in my car. After a few minutes waiting, I was connected to the duty manager and I explained the predicament facing his valued customers just outside the doors of his shop. He was sympathetic, but blamed the local council for not allowing them to build more access to the car park. That was hardly going to help me out at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon, 2 weeks before xmas!

The manager suggested I phone the local police station, which I was only too happy to do. After getting passed the first operator, I was connected to the despatch desk at the local nick and I again explained the situation, pointing out the it could easily turn nasty and as well as near accidents with cars, I’d seen a couple of drivers leap out of their vehicles and nearly trade blows. The despatcher took my details and said she would send some officers as soon as possible. I didn’t see any before I left, around AN HOUR LATER!

Yes, I spent 2 hours in the supermarket car park, in my car, in the pouring rain. It was absolute hell and I wouldn’t wish an experience like this on any one, ever!

Which brings me to my main point, which is this…if you can, do all of your shopping online! Everything I’m going to suggest is available on the internet, so grab your credit card and getting ready to shop!

My top recommendation this year is an iPod Touch from Apple. I bought one for Mrs. Hippy and we’re both blown away by how good it is. The touchscreen is gorgeous, so user friendly and as I suspected, the killer app is definitely being able to surf the internet on it.

It’s actually a very usable, readable browser and its the first satisfying internet experience I’ve ever had on a hand-held device. To put this in perspective, I’ve surfed on various mobile phones and a high-end Palm Pilot and none have come close to this. The iPod Touch found my home network, let me put in the password and joined it instantly. The mobile version of Safari rocks, its fast, responsive and renders pages beautifully.

Oh and did I mention it plays music? And the video dazzling too, so is the photo browser. I haven’t hacked it yet, because it’s Mrs. H’s, not mine and I don’t want to end up bricking it on her. I’m holding out for a 2nd generation iPhone, hopefully that will come in the next few months.

I bought the iPod Touch from Amazon, £243 for the 16gb model, which is a real savings compared to other retailers, but your mileage may vary, so look out for the best deal. Also, don’t leave it too long as its considered one of the hot gifts this holiday season.

In general, I can recommend Amazon, they’re normally very reliable and they are good with delivery too. I shop with them so much that I signed up for Amazon Prime, which costs 50 quid for a year, but in return you get upgraded to next day delivery on everything you buy. I usually pay for next day delivery anyway, because of my erratic lifestyle, that way I never miss anything. I’ve already placed a few orders with it, so it will pay for itself in no time.

The other online retailer I can recommend is everyonedoesit.com or EDIT. The adverts you see on my site are from EDIT, as my endorsement of them is longstanding. They are also the exclusive distributors of the NLH Deluxe, the bong I designed, made by RooR in Germany.

EDIT stock a wide variety of goodies, from pipes and bongs to a wide selection of legal highs and one of the best stocks of cannabis seeds on the internet. If you like to party, or know someone who does, they’re certain to have something desirable.

Of course, you can check out the entire shop for yourself RIGHT HERE, I do have a few recommendations for you.

Check the Bushmaster Double Bubblers on this THIS PAGE. I’ve got the midnight blue one and I can’t recommend this pipe enough. It’s only 20 quid and its a real bargain, pieces this good normally cost lots more.

I cleaned mine out the other day and it reminded me what a useful piece of kit the SPACE CASE GRINDER is…I put all my bud through mine and around twice a year, I scrape out the crystals inside. You will be amazed how much you can collect, if you use it regularly to break up your weed. And if you think about it, everything you’re collecting, would probably just have been lost. I can’t believe everyone doesn’t use one!

I’ve heard lots of people complaining about the cost of RooR glassware and I won’t deny that some of their pieces are pricey. That said, you get what you pay for and RooR quality is the best you’ll ever find. But if you don’t want to spend a fortune, here are a bunch of RooR pieces that all cost under 100 pounds, including one (that I own) that costs under a tenner! That means you can give someone a piece of pure RooR quality, no matter what your budget may be!

I’ll start with the CLASSIC THREE PIECE WATER PIPE, which is a piece that I own. It’s a great looking water pipe, well constructed and it smokes so sweetly, you will love every hit!

How about a RooR gift set, including a RooR bong for only 65 quid? Check out ROOR GIFT SET 5! And check out the rest of the RooR gift sets RIGHT HERE.

And if you want a full sized, proper RooR? No problem, we can still do that for you and here’s 4 models from the RooR red range, with 3.2mm glass, that cost between 85–100 quid! Go on, check ‘em out RIGHT HERE.

And remember, I said there are RooR pieces under a tenner? Check out the MINI-STEAMROLLER, for only £5.95. I’ve got one of these too and its my favourite tiny pipe. It’s perfect for a quick blast, when you need a little hit to take the edge off life.

But what RooR gift guide from me could ever be complete without a shameless plug for my pretty little baby, the “RooR Custom 5.0 — northlondonhippy deluxe” — the best bong in the world! Of course, I’m biased, because I designed it and it carries my name, but trust me I’ve smoked out of loads of pipes and nothing hits as well as my bong. It costs a bit more than other bongs, but trust someone who’s smoked out of it a lot now, its worth every goddamn penny! Treat yourself, or treat someone you love, you won’t be disapppointed!

The best news about all the goodies I’ve mentioned from EDIT is that they have it all in stock right now for immediate shipment and that includes the NLH Deluxe! I know the NLH Deluxes have been hard to come by, since the initial shipment sold out, but they’ve got ‘em now!

Xmas doesn’t have to be stressful. If you can visit my site, then you can visit Amazon or EDIT, or any one of a number of sites which will ship things to you quickly. If you can avoid the shops, the malls and the high street, you’ll make your life a lot easier and isn’t that what we all want? Trust me, you don’t want to lose 2 hours of your life in a car park!

As I was threading my way through the rush hour traffic this morning, struggling to get myself home, I started thinking how much I could really do with get seriously out of my skull.

What I mean is, I could really do with a psychedelic trip that got me totally off my face. I need to see some pretty colours!

I’ve done acid a handful of times, the last time around 10 years ago. I also used to enjoy magic mushrooms, around every week or so. I’ve lost count of the number of shroom trips I’ve had.

Magic mushrooms grow wild all over the UK and a friend of mine would take an annual pilgrimage to the West Country every autumn to collect them. He was always very generous with them and I ended up with a few trips yearly.

Then, in 2003 I discovered that fresh magic mushrooms were available, legally to purchase and consume. I didn’t believe it at first, that you could really buy them that easily. At first, I thought it was some sort of a scam. How wrong I was!

I first ordered them from EDIT my friends who are now the exclusive distributors of my NLH deluxe bong. They arrived the following day and were exactly as described. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I started researching shrooms, learning about different strains, potencies and dosages. With my friend’s West Country shrooms, I never measured them; they were dried and relatively easy to consume, if not totally disgusting.

Fresh shrooms are even nastier, slimy and cold, with the flavour of what I expect the insides of a rotting corpse might taste like. Gross!

I started out on 30 grams of Mexican p-cubes, which is a reasonable, but not overly strong dose — for me anyway. Over the few years I did them regularly, I worked my way up to higher doses, peaking around 55 grams or so.

The trips were amazing, I got to hang out with the mushroom god. Search for him on my site, if you want to know more. Basically, if you eat enough shrooms, the mushroom god visits you and shows you the pretty colours!

Shrooms take a while to hit you. On an empty stomach, it would take 60–90 minutes before feeling the first effects, with a peak reached anywhere from 2–4 hours and lasting for 4–6 hours. It pretty much wasted a whole day, but what way to waste it!

Psychedelic drugs enhance your perception; the simple way to understand it is they make the synaptic nerves in your brain fire faster, giving you more sensory input. Your vision sharpens, as does your hearing which makes music sound amazing. As you get further into your trip, patterns in things swish and swirl, wood grain flows like a river.

On one particularly pleasant trip, on some Colombian p-cubes, right at the point where I peaked, I saw a burst of rainbow colours in the air, in a sun-filled room. It was astoundingly beautiful and completely unexpected. Colombians are apparently known for the colours they produce, but try as I did, I was unable to repeat the experience.

No two trips are exactly alike, which is why I had no chance of repeating my explosion of colour by premeditating it. Shrooms take you on the journey, though I can’t say I really lost any control. Except once…

For my birthday a few years back, I had some Hawaiian shrooms, which are very well known for their ultra-high potency. I had tried them before, electing to experiment with the recommended starter dose of 10 grams. They didn’t do that much for me. Then, I did something stupid, I doubled the dose.

Bad move! I had a seriously strong trip which ended with me hiding under my duvet with my eyes closed for several hours, still seeing a multi-coloured geometric pattern stretched from right in front of me, all the way to infinity. I couldn’t see what my eyes were seeing, I could only “see” what my brain was generating. Kids, I seriously recommend you do NOT try this at home!

A few months after that, the government put fresh magic mushrooms into Class A, which is the same category as coke and smack.…the fuckers! In no way are shrooms anywhere near as bad for you as heroin or crack. Used responsibly, they are very safe, good fun!

Thanks to the actions of some stupid tourists, the Dutch have just banned shrooms as well. So much for tolerant Holland! The tourists in question were all drinking as well, but booze had nothing to do with their unfortunate incidents. Sure thing! Booze never causes anyone any trouble, does it?

I think I read that shroom farming is a 14 million pound a year business in Holland. That’s an awful lot of money to be just throwing away. And people will still want their shrooms, they will just have to go underground for them.

I haven’t had any shrooms since the government outlawed them. It’s not because I haven’t had the chance, one can still get them, if one knows where to look — like online! You can still get grow kits from Europe, if you really want some and they’re dead easy to grow. I haven’t had any shrooms because I don’t do Class A drugs and haven’t done since I gave up coke and E’s over 5 years ago.

I still love weed and continue to sample lots of different legal highs, and as of today, I wouldn’t mind something psychedelic. I don’t think I will actively seek anything electric, but should I be offered some shrooms or even a blotter, I would be sorely tempted to accept the universe’s generosity. I could really use a little break from reality right now, I think it would do my mental health a world of good.

I receive a wide variety of statistics via my website hosts, but I always like checking out the search-terms section. It’s always good for a laugh.

This is the current list, for the month of July, to date, counting up from number ten:

10) “north london hippie” – my name, spelled wrong, with spaces. I’m glad it still leads to my site and I’m glad people search for me, even with the mistakes!

9) “billi bhatti” – him off Big Brother, evicted a couple of weeks ago. As you will see, BB names are popular on this list.

8) “purple ohms experiences” – a couple of years ago, I had a bad time on these pills. I took too many, I had an unpleasant experience. They’re legal highs and I think they are still available, now in non-BZP form.

7) “northlondonhippy” – now that’s more like it, spelled correctly, without spaces. I feature twice in my own top ten, which means my brand awareness is high and getting higher. Just like me, I’m getting higher too, right now…!

6) “RooR Pocket Friend” – a fine pipe from my friends at RooR. I’ve written about mine a few times. Usually, there are several RooR-related search terms in the top ten, but when I write about Big Brother, that tends to overtake it. Go figure!

5) “charley uchea tits” – Thus begins the breast obsession at the top of the list, nearly all BB related.

4) “victoria beckham topless” – see, more tits. As if I would post pictures of that beanpole with fake boobs!

3) “chanelle hayes masturbation” — BB related, but not so breast-centric. Does anyone know if these pictures do exist? I wouldn’t post them, but I might like to see them myself, purely for research purposes.

2) “shabnam paryani topless” – I don’t really get this one, especially as it is so high up on the list. Do people really want to see her topless? I don’t even want to see her clothed! She’s scary!! People have very weird tastes and interests, but this is the internet, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

1) “expanding theory” – A while ago, I wrote up a silly little theory about what I thought the effect of the universe constantly expanding would have on us. I was very high at the time and it was total bollocks.

Google doesn’t seem to think so, for if you put “expanding theory” into the world’s largest and smartest search engine, this is what you get as your top hit: CLICK HERE

Go on, check it out. My site is the top hit! Read it!

Do you really think I am an expert on the subject? Should I win a Nobel Prize for innovation in science?

I should very much think not!

I don’t know if you found that interesting, but as always, I am interested in what you have to say. I’d like to take an informal survey:

Please email me with how you found my site. Did you stumble upon me via a search engine? Do you remember what you were searching for? Maybe you saw a link to my site? Where?

However you found me, I’d like to know. Please email me at thehippy@northlondonhippy.com — I won’t spam you or give/sell your address to anyone. I don’t even keep a mailing list. I’m just nosy.

Politics, society, drugs, philosophy, and consumer electronics are among the subjects I spew drivel on; there’s a little something for everyone. Well, almost everyone. I’m sure there are some people who don’t find me to their particular liking.

They can fuck right off. It’s the rest of you, I’m interested in and more importantly, that should be interested in me!

This is going be one of those rambling, unfocused posts. I thought I should warn you right now, up front, so you’re not surprised when you work it out for yourself.

I’m starting a long run of nights at work this evening, so I thought I should pop around and do something. Anything is better than nothing, or is that just with sex?

It’s actually been a rough couple of weeks around my place; we had to put one of my cats down. He had cancer in a big, nasty way and there was nothing they could do for him. Well, they tried what they could, but when they opened up his little cat belly, it was filled to the brim with tumours. To spare him any further suffering, we had the vet put the little guy to sleep. Mrs. H was there when they did it; I couldn’t face it.

My poor dead cat was one of the nicest, friendliest, coolest cats I ever had the privilege to know and I am missing him terribly.

He wasn’t that old, only around 13 or 14 years and his illness was as sudden as it was unexpected. I rushed him to the vet’s on a Saturday afternoon and he was gone the following Tuesday.

Now, if he were a human, it wouldn’t have been as swift or merciful because we don’t like to spare people from suffering. Just ask my Dad, who from diagnosis to demise, had around a year of treatments and setbacks before experiencing a rather drawn out and unpleasant death. Oh wait, you can’t ask him, can you?

We treat our pets with more dignity than we do each other. Where’s the sense in that? When my time comes, and I do hope it is later rather than sooner, perhaps we’ll have seen sense and legalised euthanasia. If it’s good enough for the Swiss, why can’t it be OK for the rest of us? Otherwise, I’m going to have to start a special contingency fund, for one final trip to Geneva or Zurich, for when my time does come…closer. It seems like the only sane response to an otherwise insane world!

Have I brought you down with all this talk of death and such? Sorry, but now you know where my head’s been for the last couple of weeks. Thank god for soft drugs. If there were a god, or soft drugs.

But hippy, there are soft drugs and you are puffing on them right now.

Oh, yeah.

So besides missing my dead cat, watching BB and working, what else have I been up to?

Not too much. I had a drug-hell experience with some legal highs I’ve been getting online. I’m not going to tell you what they are or where you can get them, because I don’t want to see them banned. I’ve even debated mentioning this at all, but as the experience swallowed several days of my life, I thought it would be a fun story to relate.

I discovered a new range of legal highs a few months ago, though I’ve been aware of their existence for ages. After reading many favourable reviews of this line of pills, I decided to take a chance and placed an order.

I tried them, I liked them and I ordered more. And then I ordered even more.

And then, I had my drug hell with them. I took around a dozen of the little suckers in a continuous 30-hour hedonistic binge and drug orgy, before collapsing into sleep for around 6 hours.

That’s a day and a half.

When I woke up, I was down, aching and still exhausted and I was greeted with loads of text messages, voicemails, emails and other assorted forms of communication, asking if I was lying dead in a puddle of my own sick.

Thankfully, on this occasion, I wasn’t.

I then had a few days of feeling quite low and run down. It was totally self-inflicted, so I’m not asking for anyone’s sympathy or pity. This is who I am; this is what I do. Sometimes.

Rarely, actually. I haven’t had a drug-hell in ages.

The thing with these particular pills is they are very fucking good. They are the closest I’ve had that approach an E-like high. Taken in moderation, there is no real comedown or other side effect. Taken in large quantities, like a total twat, will not end well.

Yes, I was a total twat.

No one is certain what the magic ingredients are in these pills, but those who have tried them, love them. Maybe a little too much as I think they are seriously addictive. Think cocaine-addictive!

I haven’t had any since my last experience and I can’t say I have any definitive plan to try them again any time soon, but never say never. I still have some and at some point, I might reconsider, but I will not over do it. Moderation is indeed, the key.

Again, sorry I’m not telling you exactly what I took, but the less attention these pills get, the longer people will be able to enjoy them. Just because I went a bit crazy with them, doesn’t mean others shouldn’t be able to have the choice to enjoy them too.

I finally broke down and ordered a new laptop last week and guess what? It’s an Apple!

I hemmed and hawed for months on which model to get, and waiting for the next big update, and blah, blah, blah and quite frankly I just got tired of not having one. My writing has been suffering because of this gap in my computer arsenal and I finally decided, fuck it, now is as good a time as any.

Both lines, the MacBook and the MacBook Pro were recently updated, and the mythical ultra portable doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon (although now that I’ve bought one, it is probably a week away), so I went for it and placed my order last Wednesday and it already shipped on Friday.

I chose the black MacBook, with the only build to order option being extra RAM, I’ve doubled it to 2 gigs. I’ve gone with the stock 160gb 5400rpm hard drive, because I decided the extra speed was better than 40 extra gigs of storage – the 200gb model is only 4200rpm. It’s a Core2Duo, 2.16 and I topped it up with Apple Care.

I’m looking forward to its arrival, which should be in the next week, or less. They ship them from Shanghai, which is a long way from north London, but it’s still fairly impressive.

Once I get it, I’m going to carry it with me everywhere. If you invite me over, I’d bring it along, as long as you’ll let me access the internet on your wi-fi network! You see, it’s not just those little pills I’m addicted to, I’m hooked on the internet as well.

I did consider the MacBook Pro, but the significant additional cost was not justified by the “pro” features, in terms of my rather modest needs. Also, the 15.4 inch model is fairly big, in my opinion, to be lugging around, where the MacBook’s 13.3 size adds to it’s portability.

So that’s the last fortnight or so this hippy’s life. Wow, what a whirlwind of drama, emotion and big ticket purchases! I bet you can’t wait to see what happens to me next!

I’ll be back later in the week, with more BB bullshit, plus I’m going to start dealing with some of the requests you’ve all sent me. One subject has been most popular with all of you and…I’ll let you all know what is in my next entry!

This time, the authors of the report, the “The Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce” — commonly known as the RSA, spent two years studying the situation. Rather than me explaining it to you, why don’t you read about it here, in my favourite broadsheet newspaper, The Guardian.

It’s an informed and considered opinion that the RSA is offering, one that has been around in one form or another, endorsed by other objective studies and completely ignored by politicians.

Politicians are terrified of reports like this because they are terrified of change. “Change” is a vote-loser, especially when that change, no matter how beneficial to society is misunderstood by a misinformed public.

Politicians have a vested interest in keeping people misinformed, especially about drugs. How can they be seen to be combating this terrible problem, if they haven’t pointed out it’s a problem in the first place?

The simple fact is that countless numbers of people in the UK take drugs every week, some every day, with no noticeable effect on their normal, productive lives, yet they are criminalised for something that harms no one.

What harms people are the situations created by the prohibition of drugs.

What harms people is the ignorance and misunderstanding that is fostered by governments and by the traditional media.

I’ve smoked cannabis for nearly 26 years and during that time I’ve either been a gainfully employed, tax-paying member of society or a student in full time education. I’m still sharp as tack with the mental skills of someone half my age. I don’t really take anything else these days and I hardly if ever drink alcohol. Should I be a criminal?

Of course not!

Think of all the dosh lost in uncollected VAT on all of the weed I’ve smoked over the years! There goes that extra MRI scanner for your local hospital! There goes an extra cop or two on the street!

It’s a plant for fuck sake! How can you ban nature?

Some of the biggest and most vocal supporters of a rethink on illegal drugs are the police. Yes, the police, the same people who have to enforce these pointless laws. The cops would much rather be chasing down genuine criminals than a bunch of dopeheads for possession!

I’ve spoken to cops who have told me they prefer to police a housing estate that has a higher percentage of weed smokers than drinkers. The smokers are much more chilled out, whereas we know what people who abuse alcohol are like. If you don’t, just visit any city centre this weekend after 11pm and you’ll receive a lesson you won’t soon forget!

Remember, the police don’t make the laws and it seems like they’re not even consulted when they’re best suited to offer guidance from real life experience. Listen to the cops, please Mr. Politician man! He doesn’t want to arrest anyone for possession!

What we need is an MP with balls, preferably one to become head of the Home Office. Charles Clark was leaning in that direction; so was David Blunkett, but not John Reid. He doesn’t want to rock the boat; he’s planning a future in politics.

How about David “call me Dave” Cameron? Before he was leader of his party, he posed a question over whether drugs should be legalised. He didn’t offer or suggest an answer, he just suggested the question could or should be asked.

Since then, he hasn’t even come close to this position and if anything he’s backed away from it. Since the revelations of his boyhood indiscretion with a spliff (shock/horror!), there is even less chance of him keeping his mind this open. It’s a pity, I had high (no pun) hopes for him.

Leave it to the leader of the LibDems, Sir Menzies Campbell to be the one voice of reason, welcoming the RSA report and endorsing its findings. The LibDems would legalise weed in an instant and we’d have Dutch-style coffeeshops in every neighbourhood! I wish they would get their act together and get some more support.

Do I think the law is going to change?

Yes, eventually it will, but not soon enough. I’d like it to change yesterday, or even the day before. If everyone would just see sense and avoid all the knee-jerk reaction bullshit that the subject always brings out, we could change the laws for the benefit of not just one lone hippy in north London, but all of society!