Check this out:

It’s over 6 minutes long, but I promise, it’s worth it.

Don’t have 6 minutes? Ok, you can read THIS VERSION in 2 mins, from the NY Times.

Personally, I think this is the first rational explanation I’ve ever heard on the nature of existence and it deserves a much wider audience. Please spread the word!

Now that you’ve read the NY Times article, or watched the video, read the title of this entry again.

Ok, who’s with me?

I have to say, I was more than a bit miffed at being excluded from the Observer Newspaper’s top 50 list of most powerful blogs. I guess this is just another mainstream media plot to keep my message from reaching a wider audience, but I will not be silenced!

And there’s always next year! Make sure you write your MP or congressperson and point out this horrible injustice.

Ah-hem.

The real reason I’m here is because the pope clearly must read my blog and he doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like me. Well, matey, the feeling is very mutual.

A while back, I confirmed the existence of my band, “the seven deadly sins” when I announced the upcoming release of my album. It seems the pope didn’t like this move and he’s trying to stifle my creativity by updating the 7 deadly sins for our modern age. I guess god has finally made an appearance in the 21st century and about time!

The new top seven sins according to the pope are as follows:

1) Environmental pollution
2) Genetic manipulation
3) Accumulating excessive wealth
4) Inflicting poverty
5) Drug trafficking and consumption
6) Morally debatable experiments
7) Violation of fundamental rights of human nature

Ok, there’s one on that list that wouldn’t be there, if it weren’t for his hatred of me and that’s number 5…drug consumption. The pope’s getting his revenge on me with that one, but it’s not the only one…

Genetic manipulation! My published work in recombinant DNA research is well known and I only missed out on a Nobel science prize because of some ill conceived public comments I made while drunk on power, fame and 151 proof Bacardi!

And yes, I’ve violated the rights of human nature, for according to the catholic church, that’s an easy one as its their definition of sodomy. Oh and before you think I am some sort of ass bandit, sodomy at its most basic definition includes oral-genital sexual contact. Guilty!

The pope is out to get me! He knows my liberal ideas and secular-humanist values threaten his existence as a silly old white man in a white dress!

But never mind him! What about my band?

The drummer, wrath, doesn’t want to change his stage name to “genetic manipulation” and sloth, who never makes it to rehearsals, would have to start showing up…

I’m sure glad I’m an atheist and I don’t believe in any of this nonsense. I mean, come on, eternal damnation? Give me a fucking break!

Sin is far too much fun, anyway. I don’t see anyone stopping, do you?

Ho hum.

As much as I dig being the northlondonhippy and believe me, I do, sometimes I struggle to force myself to sit down in front of my computer to produce high quality, web-based content that both informs and entertains.

In other words, sometimes I just can’t be arsed.

I’ve always got ideas and a running list of a dozen topics which would dazzle the average hippyfan. Of course, you are above average and require a higher standard from this hippy. Don’t worry, I’ll disappoint you all today.

I’m actually in a reasonable mood this week as I took delivery of my fancy new coffee set up. I’ll do a proper post on it in the near future, but I am pleased to report that I am already pulling reasonable shots and producing quite drinkable cappuccinos and lattes.

I’m sure its not helping that my birthday is imminent. I think that’s why January sucks so badly, because right off the back of the stupid holidays comes my dumb birthday.

Getting old sucks. Yes, highly original and thought provoking, wouldn’t you agree?

I don’t really mind getting older, not that I have a choice or would prefer the alternative, but that’s because I don’t look my age. How much longer can people still see me as youthful? I’m forty-fucking-five years old for fucks sake!

My birthday brings out my ageing obsession, but don’t despair, it peaks every year around January and fades into the background soon after that. Then I can move onto other obsessions, like my utter failure at life.

Haha.

I don’t really feel like a failure, but it’s amusing to make jokes about it.

Considering all my faults, its amazing I’ve done as well as I have out of life and I thank Satan every day for doing that deal with me back when I was a teenager. Eternal souls are overrated anyway, or at least that’s what my master, er beastmaster tells me. If only I thought to ask him to make me taller! Being short sucks more than getting old, any day!

I’m not really a hippy, but I do play one on the internet.

That confession shouldn’t be a huge surprise to you, as I’ve said on more than one occasion on this very blog that I’m not an actual hippy.

I’m a genuine capitalist, not like the people who run the country. I believe that market forces should dictate what the market sells; demand should regulate supply. That is one of my biggest arguments for legalising drugs. People want them and the black market steps in where the controlled market fails.

If you’re anti-legalisation, then you’re not a real capitalist and I can’t take you seriously over any economic issue. Are you listening Mr. Brown? And you Tory twats? I hope you all wrote that down!

Genuine hippies don’t believe in survival of the fittest, they believe in a world where we all help one and other. All you have to do is step outside your front door for 30 seconds and you’ll see how unhippy-like the world truly is in that regard. People are cunts and they treat each other like cunts. That, my friends, is a sure thing.

I’m over-generalising, but you get the idea. The more selfish you are, the better your chances of survival are. If you put yourself ahead of everyone else, you’re probably going to come out on top. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule as well.

Think about your boss, or bosses in general. They all tend to share a common belief that they are better than the people working below them. This belief doesn’t come from having the more senior role, I’m sure they all believed they were superior prior to that. If anything, that innate belief in superiority is what got them the job in the first place. But reaching that position of power can come with a price, and the price can be dismissal from a hotshot, high paying gig.

I’m not selfish enough, but then I don’t claim to be the fittest and worthy of survival. I wouldn’t last 2 minutes in the real jungle, I don’t have that killer instinct, much as I pretend I do. I’m too pseudo-philosophical and too much of a pseudo-intellectual to care about anything enough to really fight for it. I’d be chewed up, swallowed down and shat out by a bigger, meaner, scarier animal than me.

And that would be OK. If you believe in the laws of the jungle, then you have to accept your fate. I accept mine every day the good lord above sees fit to let me wake up and endure another day.

Like I believe in “the good lord above”! You didn’t buy that shit, did you? There is no god, there’s only hippies and occasionally, once in a generation, there are hippygods. I am that hippygod and have the business cards to prove it.

Except, I’m not really a hippy. I don’t even own a pair of sandals, never mind love beads.

What are “love beads” anyway? Could a real hippy let me know? Preferrably one that was older than 6 when the 70s started, I was 6 when 1970 started and I just don’t know what they are.

I bet these people know. I mean, the people in THIS REPORT from today’s Independent, which checks up on some former hippies to see if they are still living the dream.

I guess the Indy left me out of that list because they think I am currently a hippy and they probably already know I was 6 when the 60’s ended. It still would have been nice for them to phone me, you know, just to say “hi”.

I know you guys at the Indy are coming here, hanging out, reading my shit. I mention your rag too much for you not too. I don’t mind if you sniff around my nether regions a bit. I kinda like it, actually, but usually I expect a bit of dinner or a drink before I let someone do that sort of thing to me.

Don’t worry, I still dig your Monday-Saturday editions, but you really need to sort those dorks at the IoS out. Their lies, exaggerations and mixed messages on cannabis are ludicrous, hurtful and unhelpful and they should cease immediately. You know it makes sense!

I feel the need to post something this morning.

Anything!

I feel the need to amuse, inform and entertain.

I feel the need to make my presence felt on the world wide whaddiyacallit.

There’s only one problem…

I’ve got nothing to say!

Well, that’s not strictly true, I’ve always got something to say.

Who doesn’t? They say opinions are like assholes; everybody’s got one.

Or in my world, I refer to a lot of people as “opinions” and if you think about the previous sentence, you’ll decode the secret message that these particular people never seem to get!

What I really mean is, I don’t have a topic to drone on about this morning. Yes, it is morning, here in north London, right now as I am tapping away on my keyboard, writing this drivel just for you!

And it is just for you, my beloved, loyal and truly adored hippyfans.

As my mother used to say, when she would yell at me for something that she had already yelled at me for; “I’m not yelling just to hear myself. I’m shouting at you!”

Well, it’s the same when I post something. I’m not posting this so I can read it; that’s the intended purpose of my thoughts. No, I am posting this nonsense to be read, appreciated and possibly worshipped slightly.

Ok, not worshipped slightly, but totally and completely, like the true living god that I am.

Ah-hem.

Anyway, that can’t be true, because I can’t be god and “a messiah for the new millennium” at the same time can I? I can surely try!

Double ah-hem, now just leave it, you pseudo-deity.

Actually, it’s cool that I’ve made a god reference; because I had a real creative breakthrough on something I’ve been working on for a very long time. It’s one of those extra little side projects of mine that I mention from time to time and it has nothing to do with my real life job or this blog.

Basically, it’s a novel I’ve had percolating in my head for over ten years and here’s where it gets confusing…it’s my semi-fictionalised autobiography. It’s my life lived right in a lot of ways and very much the same as reality too.

I told you it was confusing! No wonder it’s taken me this long to get my head around it.

Anyway, the breakthrough has to do with the philosophy behind the story and one of the themes that will pervade the narrative.

Ooooooh! Listen to me get all poncey and pseudo-intellectual!

Remember, it’s better to be a pseudo-intellectual than a proper one, because us PI’s have actually touched a girl, smoked a spliff and danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Maybe that last bit’s just me.

The theme and philosophy of which I speak is the total rejection of the concept of god and god’s existence to the point of extreme blasphemy.

If I can’t be god, then no one can!

I’ve never believed in god (and the lack of a capital G is infuckingtentional), not even as a child. I can remember questioning the logic of it all at a very early age and thinking that it was as ridiculous as Santa and the Tooth Fairy (again, capitals on purpose, blasphemy ain’t just for xmas, it’s for life!).

I’m not saying you can’t believe in god, if you want to. It’s your choice and I believe in religious freedom, especially the freedom to reject it all.
You can have faith in a “higher power”, if you need to; or perhaps a belief in an order to the universe, if you must.

I might even buy into that one; that there is order to the universe. I just don’t think we will have the slightest clue as to what that order is as the enormity of it as a concept is well beyond the capabilities of the tiny little meat-computers in our head.

So was that last sentence, nearly!

And look, if you do believe in god and you really think that there’s a guy in the sky with a long white beard and a longer white robe, running the show down here, then you must absolutely detest him because of all the pointless grief and suffering his actions cause us every day of our stinking, rotten existence on this hellhole of a planet we call home!

If anything, all the bad, the evil, the shit in this world is proof positive that there is no god. For if there were a god, then bad things wouldn’t happen to good people and pets. For if there were a god and he created us in his image, he sure as shit would treat us all a lot better.

Now, if I were god, life for everyone would be nothing but free beer, weed and blowjobs. You’d all have perfect health and perfect lives and you could have a lie-in every Sunday (or Friday or Saturday, or everyday depending upon your present denomination and level of devotion) because I wouldn’t want to be worshipped in the classic “go to church” sense of the word.

But I’m not god, I’ve never been god and unless my take on the universe is completely wrong, I’ll never be god. And this last sentence is proof I’m not insane either!

If you approach it rationally and logically, there’s only one conclusion that can be reached: God didn’t create man, man created god. And man did a shitty job of it too!

And that’s the undercurrent of my next novel. Bet it will top the bestseller list in the first printing! After all, you will all buy it, won’t you?

In the next couple of weeks, once I wrap up a few other things, I’m going to be dedicating a lot of time to this particular side project. I’m giving myself a very loose six months to complete a first draft of it. Then comes the really hard part…convincing someone it’s good enough to publish.

And if I fail, there’s always the internet. I hear they let you publish any old shit on the web. If they didn’t, then how did this particular hippypost get here?

Hey ho hippyfans!

Sorry for the longer than usual gap in posts. I’d love to blame it on something as exciting as a trip to a desert island, or a drug-induced coma, but sadly the truth is more mundane than that.

My iMac has been in the shop for the last few days, though thanks to my iBook, I’ve still been online.

So if I’ve still been online, why haven’t I posted?

Simple, I’ve been suffering from tech-stress!

In the last 3 weeks, all of my major Apple gadgets have suffered from some sort of problem or issue. They are all resolved now, so my tech-stress levels are returning to normal.

Before anyone thinks this is going to be some sort of anti-Apple tirade, think again. I have nothing but praise for how they have handled my technical troubles.

Firstly, my Black 60gb iPod with video developed an odd problem; when I connected it to my computer, it didn’t show up on the desktop or in iTunes. The iPod itself worked fine for playback, but it wouldn’t synch or charge via the dock connector.

Because my iPod is engraved, the only repair option I had was to use Apple’s collect and return service. All of this was under my original warranty, so it only cost me in time without it, but no dosh at all.

Apple sent UPS to collect the iPod, complete with all the packaging and labels required.

The UPS guy even waited a few minutes while I boxed it up. The next day it was back with the mothership in the Netherlands, the problem was diagnosed and a new one was shipped out from their factory in Shanghai the day after that.

If it weren’t for the recent terror alerts, I would have had the replacement much quicker, but as it turned out, I was without the iPod for 10 days. Not bad.

I’m not sure if the replacement is brand new or reconditioned, but it certainly looks and feels new. I was so impressed with the service I received that I bought the Apple Care plan to cover it for another 2 years. If something else ever goes wrong with it, I know exactly what to expect.

My G5 iMac is around 18 months old and I still love it.

Around a year ago, Apple identified an issue with my model of iMac that involved the Logic Board and power supply and extended the repair period by an additional 2 years on top of their warranty. Last week, I realised my computer was suffering from this known issue.

The fans were running fast, the temp was high and hot and finally, I started getting distorted video and weird crashes. Last Wednesday I took it into my local north London Apple Store.

I had my first ever appointment with a Mac Genius and I was impressed. He checked out my iMac, booked it in for the repairs and even ordered the parts he thought might need replacing. It turns out, it didn’t need everything he sent but better safe than sorry.

On Friday, the online status of my repair said it was complete, but they didn’t phone me. I was really missing it, so today (Monday) I went in to collect it. The repair was finished, but they wanted to clean it before I picked it up, so I wandered around for half an hour and when I returned, it was boxed up and ready to go.

It’s running cooler, the fans are quieter and the video looks great. Also, they did an amazing job of scrubbing it up, it looks as good as it did when it was new…even the keyboard!

So again, Apple came through for me.

Now, my problem with my iBook is the same one affecting 1.8 million other Apple laptop owners, the great Sony battery recall of 2006. Apple was quick to announce this and even though they haven’t had that many reported cases of overheating, they’re replacing all those batteries for free!

As I was using my iBook extensively in the last week, while the iMac was back with the mothership being repaired, I noticed the battery wasn’t holding it’s charge as well as it used to and considered ordering a replacement. Now I don’t need to, as I’ve registered for the recall and should receive a new battery for it in the next month or so.

Again, I’m pleased with the outcome.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s stressful when your essential toys go funny and I’ve been missing my iMac like mad.

I was able to back-up all my important data; the elements of my all new digital lifestyle, before I took it into the shop, but it’s still never easy to part with your computer.

I’m glued to my screen most of the time, when I’m home. If I’m not writing, or surfing the net, I’m using it to waste time with music and video. I’m attached, addicted, whatever you want to call it. I’m glad it’s home, where it belongs.

I want a black MacBook and am going to get one at some point in the not too distant future.

I’ve offered Mrs. Hippy the iBook, which is only a year old and pristine condition and if she passes, I’ll sell it at a decent price. I may already know someone who would grab it, though I would love to see Mrs. H take it. She doesn’t really get my love of all things Apple and I think it would put her on the road to understanding why they are so damn good.

I also hope to be ordering a Mac Mini soon as there’s a refresh expected in the next fortnight, if you believe the rumour sites. I always believe the rumours; life is more fun that way.

The Mac Mini will get connected to my Sony Bravia and stereo and act as my media server. I’ll move all of my iTunes on to it as well as using it to download video from the net. I’ll also be able to receive and record some digital terrestrial channels on it, which will be extra cool because I can export the programmes for playback on my iPod.

And then my 2nd Airport Express, which is currently connected to my stereo, for streaming music from the iMac, will move into the kitchen, to connect to my brand new Logitech mm50 (black) speakers, that I picked up last week. They’re rather wicked and I’m blown away by the sound!

My all-new digital lifestyle just keeps getting better and better and better! And this ends what amounts to a two-handed geek-speak wank that probably put most of you off!

Normal hippy service will resume soon!

Like the title says, I’ve been thinking about the questions that will never have answers; I’ve been pondering the imponderable.

What do I mean, exactly?

What I mean is simple: I’ve been thinking about the stuff that we, and I mean humans, earthlings, whatever you would like to call us in the collective “we”, will never ever know the answers to such simple questions as:

“Why are we here?”

“Where did the universe come from?”

And more importantly…

“Do good hippies from north London go to heaven?”

Ok, I can answer that third question myself.

Hippies from north London, just like every other living creature, just cease to exist when we die.

There is no heaven.

Anyone who claims otherwise is quite frankly, full of shit.

Anyone who claims to the know the answers to the first two questions is, especially if they answer them with some sort of religious mumbo-jumbo, also full of the same shit.

I’m smarter than all of those believers, because I know that I will never know the answers to those first 2 questions and further more, I’m very certain that no one who is alive today or anyone that is born in the future will be able to answer them either.

That’s one of the things that makes me smarter than many people; I know there’s a lot more that I don’t know, than I do. No matter how old I get, that will always be true.

I don’t know why we’re here, not for sure. No one ever really could.
If pushed for an answer, I would surmise that we’re here for no particular reason, we just are. I take comfort in that rather bleak assessment, because it is so liberatingly honest.

I’m pointless; we all are.

We, the collective we again, don’t serve a single purpose, unless the raping and pillaging of the planet, and each other is our purpose, in which case we are kicking some serious ass!

We add nothing to the universe at large.

We may do things that enrich the lives of others, or ourselves, but that doesn’t benefit all of existence, does it?

I can appreciate a Van Gogh painting as much as the next guy, or a great song or a well-made film, but so what? Our lives and the lives of even the important, talented and celebrated of our species don’t mean shit in the context of the universe.

Life on our planet has only been around for a blink of an eye in cosmological terms. Intelligent life has been around for a fraction of a fraction of that blink.

And by “intelligent life”, I mean us and yes, I am using the term very loosely in this context.

In the scheme of the universe, we are all nothing but flotsam and jetsam, or as Kansas once put it so succinctly; “We are all just dust in the wind.”

How does it feel, having me tell you that you don’t matter; that no one matters? Do you hate me for speaking the truth so plainly?

If Jesus’s message were bleak as mine, would anyone still be following him today?

Where’s the hope, hippy? Where’s the hope?

I’m coming to that, because of course, my message actually is, one of hope.

As I sit at my desk, in the middle of the night, struggling to keep my eyes open and my brain engaged, I think about these things. I don’t know why we are here and it drives me insane that I will never have the answers I seek.

I could seek them in religion, for many people find comfort in the fairy stories offered by the major and minor religions of our world.

But I won’t, I can’t; I’m not willing to accept the delusions of others masquerading as fact.

Think about your religion if you have one, then apply some simple logical thinking to it and then ask yourself this question: Does it sound like something made up by people for people, or by a god for people.

Everything I know about religion smacks of man. Men invented all of the fables we are sold as fact. And I’m being very gender specific in this reference, because men are responsible for most, if not all that is fucked with our earthly existence.

Religion, all religion, was invented to keep people in line. If you don’t do what the bible says, god’s gonna get ya! He’s gonna get you but good!

Bullshit!

Look up to the heavens right now and say the following out loud:

“Hey, god. Yes, you god. It’s me, the hippy (use your own name, dummy). You know, the one from north London (and use your own location!). You know what I think, god? You wanna know what I think?

I think you are a right fucking cunt.”

Don’t worry; I’ve done this myself. Many times; often with an audience.

Actually, it’s always better with an audience and my dream is to one day be on a stage, delivering a lecture or speech (upon accepting my second Pulitzer prize I hope), when I utter those offensive words, shout them really loud.

And then I suddenly drop dead of a heart attack, live on stage!

Wouldn’t that just put the fear of our imaginary god into everyone!

Hey, if I’m wrong and there is a god, I bet I get that second Pulitzer. He’ll do it just to show he’s got a sense of humour.

The point of this little oral exercise is a simple one, to prove that god, whether he exists or not, doesn’t give a shit what you say or do.

People do really get away with murder in this world and there never is divine retribution.

There is no god in my opinion, but if there were, he would be nothing like the way you picture him. You couldn’t ever picture him, because his form, shape, being, whatever you would want to call it, is beyond the capabilities of the tiny little meat-based computer in your head.

Here’s the thing, if I’m telling you we won’t know the answers to any of these questions, ever, then how can I be so sure there is no heaven? Isn’t that a hubristic contradiction?

Nope. Guess again.

There is no heaven. Heaven is an invention of men; it doesn’t exist; it couldn’t possibly. You need to ask the right question.

Is there an afterlife?

Maybe, but I highly doubt it. It’s awfully unlikely, don’t you think?

Has anyone seen one shred of genuine evidence that our minds continue on after our bodies die?

Notice I didn’t say “spirit” or “soul” because again, these are false concepts created by men.

I would love for someone to prove that there is some form of life after death, but I think I have a better chance of those super-duper boffins coming up with a way to download my mind into a supercomputer.

And by the way, where can I sign up for that? I’d love to be hardware based, as long as I had a virtual tongue and cock, I’d be all set for eternity! And bring on the virtual spliffs!

Believing in any of this requires something I decidedly lack and that’s faith. I have no faith, not in god, not in anyone else, not even in myself. Hey ho.

But where’s the hope?

I’m getting to it right now. Hope comes from free choice and free will.

You have the choice between being a decent person and being a bastard or bitch. You have the choice on how you view the world and how it views you. You alone have the ability, the control to choose a direction for your existence.

We all do.

It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are on the face of this planet, you can choose to do good and be good in everything you do.

I don’t care if you are the richest or the poorest, the tallest or the shortest; the colour of your skin doesn’t matter either; nor does the shape of your genitals, it all makes no difference.
In your own way, in your own life, you can choose to be a force of good.

Ok, tell me that is not hopeful. Tell me that’s not life affirming!

Think about it; let it sink in, really deep.

In your every thought, your every action, you can strive to bring something positive to this world for the simple, satisfying reason that it’s your choice to make!

Imagine if this was the “Sermon on the Mount” or if we could replace the “Ten Commandments” with this simple approach.

Imagine if you heard this simple message every day from when you were young. Imagine if we all did. What a wonderful world this would be and yes, Sam Cooke said that first.

Threats from god don’t stop people from lying, cheating, stealing, killing or coveting thy neighbour’s wife, but my philosophy might.

Do “good” because you can. Choose “good”, because there is really is no other choice; be good because it’s the right thing to do!

Imagine if everyone thought this way. We might actually be able to turn things around before it’s too late.

We might be able to reverse global warming, sort out all international conflicts, banish poverty, famine, disease, small-mindedness and the stupid, pointless prohibition on weed!

A hippy can dream.

So you see, I know it took some time, but we reached the hopeful bit. Now, the rest is up to all of you.

Believe in yourselves, even if you have no faith.

Know that you are just as valued in the universe as anyone else on the planet, no more and more importantly, no less. Live your life as if others matter; we share this planet.

In everything you say, everything you do, strive for there to be a benefit. Give more than you take, always.

Choose to be good, choose to do “good”, because the choice is yours alone to make. It’s what really separates from the animals.

You see, that tagline at the top of your browser isn’t an idle boast. I truly am a messiah for the new millennium.

I think I’m ready for a spliff. I’ve earned it! Catch ya next time!

Hey ho my fine-feathered fuckers, forgive me for my absence, but I’m back now and feeling better than ever!

Better than ever for me is not really saying much. It’s something, I guess.

So I’ve got a joke for you. If you are easily offended, please look away now and go read someone else’s blog.

Please note, I said, “please”.

Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Jesus is getting butt-fucked by Satan.

Satan is really giving it to him hard and Jesus turns around and asks Satan, “Is this heaven, or is this hell?”

Satan then looks up at Jesus and says, “I was just thinking the same thing.”

Ba-dum-bum.

Did I make you laugh?

Did I offend you?

Does it matter either way?

The joke is intentionally offensive; it’s meant to get a reaction.

The big laugh; if there is one, should be sparked by the opening line. It’s the humour of the outrageously uncomfortable.

Trust me, open your stand-up routine with this line and you will be greeted with a burst of nervous laughter followed by the stifled silence of people trying to contain their guilty guffaws.

The punchline, if you can call it that, is far more surreal and intellectual. It undermines the opening line because it requires the audience to think about what the joke is really saying.

What is heaven, what is hell? Could one person’s heaven be another person’s hell? Is there a heaven or a hell or for that matter was there really a Jesus? Is the Devil still in business? Was he ever?

The main thing is did I offend you? And if I did, what does it say about you?

We’re supposed to have free speech, but do we? Can I really post this joke in my blog and not expect some sort of reaction?

Well, probably not, because I remain largely undiscovered and underground. I’m the biggest internet celebrity you’ve never heard of blah blah blah.

Are Christians going to take to the streets and start burning hippyeffigies? I think not.

Most people are strong enough in their beliefs not to allow the ravings of one mad hippy in north London to upset them.

Those who would be offended by my little stab at blasphemous, thought provoking humour, are the weak minded of our world. Their fragile belief system is such that there is no room for any possible doubts to be raised, satirical or otherwise.

Which is why I’m not making any jokes about a certain well-regarded Prophet, peace be upon him. I don’t want a fatwa on my ass!

But suppose, for the sake of a little speculative game playing, that someone stumbled upon this post and was offended.

Now, take it one step further and imagine this person, who is so offended, belongs to some right wing, fundamentalist Christian group in America.

Suddenly the link to my little blog is flying through cyberspace at the speed of light to all corners of the globe and before I know it, thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of crazed Christian warriors are out for my blessed hippyblood!

Egads! What’s a poor hippy to do?

I go into hiding, max out my credit cards, moving from one 5-star hotel suite to the next, checking in under assumed hippynames before ending up in Rome, where I would surrender to the Pope himself seeking sanctuary.

The Pope would invoke a long forgotten law of the papacy and have me put to death, ironically, by crucifixion.

With my beard and long hair, comparisons would undoubtedly be made, as the nailing of this hippy to a cross would be broadcast live, on every tv channel across the planet.

And when I reach the afterlife, after denying it’s existent for nearly my entire life; guess what happened?

I’ll find myself bent over, getting butt-fucked by Satan.

The universe does have a sense of humour. Even I’d be laughing at that eternal outcome!

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the publication of certain cartoons in Denmark (and now many other European countries), which have upset some of our friends in the Muslim world.

No doubt, you’ve also by now heard about the ferry that sank in the Red Sea while travelling to Egypt from Saudi Arabia. The passengers were mainly the very religious, returning from the Hajj.

You have also have heard that these cartoons, which satirise the Islamic faith have spurned violent reactions in the Arab world and some fairly scary demonstrations here in the west.

Now there are some that might draw some conclusions over these unrelated events, suggesting that god didn’t like how the Muslim world was reacting to these drawings by sending them a fairly clear message in the form of a shipping disaster.

But not me. I would never suggest such a thing.

Why?

Because I reject the concept of god. Because god, if he did exist, probably would have a sense of humour. If you don’t believe me, just look at yourself naked in the mirror sometime.

If there was a god, he wouldn’t get angry about cartoons. He wouldn’t sink a ferry either.

I think we’ll discover somewhere along the line that a human error of some sort caused that ferry to go down.

Anyway, if there is going to be an all-seeing, all-knowing, all powerful god, I’d nominate myself in the role. I’d be a great god, you’d all learn to love me!

So don’t be surprised when people far crazier than me start making this connection between the cartoons and the ferry. They will and yes, Pat Robertson, I’m glancing in your direction!

Just another day in hippy-heaven! How’s everything little thing with you?

I met my old friend for some drinks last night and had a very enjoyable time. I’d not seen him in several months, it was good to catch up. While there will be no work with him anytime soon, we agreed to make an effort to stay in touch and he is up for taking some shrooms with me soon.

The real highlight of my evening was my mini-cab journey back to Casa del Hippy, which was spent in deep conversation with my driver. He was an Arab gentleman and unashamed supporter of one Osama Bin Laden and his merry band of cold-blooded killers, Al Qaeda. He doesn’t view them as terrorists at all; he sees them as “freedom fighters”. His opinions didn’t shock me, but his willingness to share them so openly with me, left me more than surprised.

Now, hearing terrorists being referred to as “freedom fighters” is nothing new to me. As a journalist, I was taught early on that one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. If memory serves, the style of both the Associated Press and Reuters is to not use the word “terrorist” unless it is in a direct quote from a source or interview subject.

I’ll give you an example, if you lived in Britain in the late 1700s, you probably would have viewed George Washington and his fellow-fighters as terrorists hell-bent on ending the King’s rule in the colonies. Suggest that to an American today and you would probably be smacked in the face, or reported to the office of Un-American activities for further interrogation. Bring on the rubber hoses.

I can think of a few current and recent world-leaders that started out committing terrorist acts. How about one I admire, Nelson Mandela,? He was involved in violence against the state. I won’t argue that the state he attacked and its system of apartheid was evil, but do the ends always justify the means? Machiavelli certainly had a point, but if you subscribe to his philosophy, then you would have to extend it to people who’s ideology you do not agree with - you would still have to respect their right to pursue their own goals by whatever means they choose.

My minicab driver, who quite confidently claimed his views were held by the majority of Arabs around the world, said that the victims of the Madrid bombings deserved to be killed, “because that is what happens in a war and this is a real war with Al Qaeda.” He genuinely believed that all of those people, over 200 dead and more than a thousand injured, were legitimate targets. He said all this in a calm, gentle manner with a smile on his face, which made it all the more disconcerting.

I am not going to claim that all Muslims feel that way, just because one mouthy taxi driver says so, but I do think that his opinions are more widely held than you or I would care to believe. My travels whiling working have brought me into contact with extremists before, there’s only one way to handle them. Listen politely and keep your own views private, disagreeing or arguing will not do you any favours.

I when got home, I relayed this tale to Mrs. Hippy. She thought I should have gotten his details and reported him. To whom and for what, I asked. He’s entitled to his opinions, no matter how repulsive I may find them. And as far as I can remember, thought-crimes only exist in “1984″. There’s was nothing I could or should do about it.

I’ve begun to think I was born at the wrong time. No, I don’t mean too late, I don’t believe all this “good old days” nonsense. The world is not that great a place now and it wasn’t back then, although different reasons ruin different times.

I try to imagine what the world will be like in one thousand years. I know that is silly, because it is fairly unknowable. I don’t subscribe to a Gene Roddenberry-Star Trek version of a future utopia, though I can appreciate his optimism. I think about a future where differences in race, nationality, religion are all gone and over a period of one hundred centuries, this level of change is certainly possible. Likely is another story.

We live in a world where every major city is one suitcase nuke away from being blown back into the stone age, where governments, especially the US are eroding our civil liberties daily. And what is at the root of all of this? No, not the threat of terrorism, that is a symptom of the greater problem, the divisions across the globe.

Everything that separates us today, all the things I’ve mentioned above, race, religion, nationality, plus poverty, are all behind the instability in the world today. They always have been, but thanks to globalisation and the media, these divides have never been more apparent. The key is the homogenization of the entire planet.

What the fuck does that mean? What it means that over time, the residents of this planet need to unite, how about under the catch-all banner of earthlings?

Think about it, if we all view the entire world as one place that we all reside upon, think about how it might change the way we treat each other. I read a report the other day that said by 2050, the white folks in America will be outnumbered by “people of colour”. I think this is great! I’m by no means a racial purist, leave that to the eugenics nuts, but I dream of the day when there is just one race on the planet, the human race.

Think about it, if everyone was just a shade of brown, it would eliminate one of society’s biggest dividers. It will happen, not in my lifetime, but one day this will be true and it will be a good thing.

Nationality and religion are a bit trickier, since they are ideological rather than physical. If you look at the “us vs. them” nature of the world today and extrapolate it a bit further, you see that there are two competing sides already, the west vs. the fundamentalist Arabs. In terms of resources, the US and its allies have the upper hand, but in turns of nationality and religion, Al Qaeda is winning.

What do I mean, that Al Qaeda are winning?

OK, for starters, Al Qaeda blurs the nationality issue, its loose collection of groups and members come from just about every country. They see themselves as Muslims first, their nationality is secondary or totally unimportant to them. In this regard, they are doing more to unite their cause than America. The US, on the other hand, has succeeded in damaging or destroying relationships with some of their oldest post-world-war-two allies. America is more isolated today than I can ever remember.

And how about religion? Again, Al Qaeda scores well because they are committed to their fundamentalist views and see it as a foundation for everything else they believe. The west, with its mixture of Judeo-Christian and moderate Muslim values has no middle ground, and they can’t even manage to have a smooth co-existence amongst themselves. How can the west be an example to the rest of the world when they are not showing a unified front?

One side will be victorious over the other, that much is clear, its a question of which one. Of course, I want the west to win, but I have clear enough vision to see that this is not guaranteed. Complacency in the face of committed resistance could lose this fight. So could a fucking dunderhead like George W. Bush!

I don’t have all the answers, I’m not even sure of all the questions. I do know that the world has always changed and will always continue to change. The shape of the future is unknown, but I like to think that in one-thousand years, we might manage to put an end to most of this shit. A boy can dream.

I’m starting to wonder if anyone’s visited my blog yet. Only one person knows about this so far, my brother and he hasn’t really bothered to read any of it yet. I haven’t told Mrs Hippy, but I will, once I build up the archive a bit.

Email me if you’ve read any of my blog, I’d be interested in hearing from *you*

“Your ass is a space ship that I want to ride….”