If you follow me on Twitter, you might already know that I turned 60 in January. It’s true. I’m an old mofo now. Go me! You might also know that I’ve spent the last few years learning to live with epilepsy. I ended up giving up my old job due to the slow onset of it. It sucks, but I’m doing the best that I can. Hey ho.
I wrote a proposal for this podcast last Autumn, and not long after I finished it, and while I was writing about my “epilepsy journey”, I had a brand new seizure. It was 4 days before I was about to mark being seizure-free for an entire year. Talk about less than ideal timing. Anyway, I got sidetracked, and this post is my effort to get back on track. It’s also my birthday present to myself. I am going to pitch my podcast online, and see if anyone wants to commission it.
You’ve no doubt spotted my holding graphic at the beginning of this post. It should give you a rough idea of what “Countdown to the End of the World – A lighthearted look at our looming apocalypse” is all about. I’ve been an “amateur doomer” for a while now, and it’s time I turned pro.
Why am I pitching this online, rather than trying to do it directly with broadcasters, or production companies? Good question. Mainly, because I’m clueless, and I lack the sort of shameless self-confidence that is required to cold call people. I’m also really honest, and I overshare a bit. See, I just did it again.
I’m actually just posting a part of the proposal, this is an edited version for online consumption. Anyone serious, and interested in pursuing this further, will receive the full proposal, along with the opportunity to meet with me (online or IRL) to discuss this further.
Why can’t I just produce this podcast myself? Technically, I could. I have all the production kit I need, but what I lack is production staff, promotional staff, and more importantly, a brand name to operate under. I need the backing of an established entity to attract the calibre of guests I have in mind. Simple as that. I want to do the subject justice, and I don’t think I can working on my own.
Enough pre-amble. Here’s a very short audio promo. If you like it, the proposal follows. I obviously don’t have the rights to the music, but it’s totally not for broadcast. Please have a listen:
Countdown to the End of the World – non-broadcast promo
The idea is simple, people love disaster films, they love end of the world movies even more. But now that we’re all co-starring in an actual disaster film, why aren’t people more interested? I get that the pacing is slow, but the disaster is still coming, whether we ignore it, or not.
To hammer this point home, Countdown won’t be listed in the “news” category of podcasts, but the “entertainment” section. That’s intentional. The end of the world has been used as the basis for entertainment since forever, just read the Bible. Why can’t we do the same with our own looming apocalypse? I say, we can.
Even if you follow the news, you are probably still ignoring the enormity of our problems. It’s a coping mechanism, I get that. My biggest concern with this idea, is that it will be overtaken by events, and life as we know it may cease, before I can put out the first episode. I need to get my skates on, if I’m really going to do this!
Still with me? Here’s the proposal. You can click on it, and scroll through it here, or download the PDF.
So what do you reckon? Would you listen to it? Would you subscribe? I have the first two series mapped out, 10 episodes each. I’m ready to start working on it now. Are you a commissioner? Know anyone who is? Can you help? You can find me online, contact me for more info. And thanks for reading this.
Even with urgent action, the climate apocalypse is a threat to all life on Earth, but you probably don’t want to think about it.
Local graffiti spotted in north London – ((C) 2022 – the northlondonhippy)
The most recent IPCC report on the climate crisis is a sobering read, but even more so when you understand that nearly every prediction you have ever read regarding our future climate has been underestimated, or downplayed by the scientists who authored them. This is a hidden feature in climate research, the need for researchers to tone everything down, for an audience that remains in deep denial over what’s coming, that will all be arriving faster than expected.
“Faster than expected” is a catchphrase in climate crisis circles. Whenever real world evidence is compared to a previous prediction, whatever the worst outcome is happening “faster than expected”. It doesn’t matter what the specific subject is, it could be the melting of sea ice at the poles, it could be the continued rise in greenhouse gases, it’s all happening faster than expected.
This is an ice shelf. Soon, the only evidence for it, will be this photo
I’ve been reading about all this for a long time, I’m what can be described as “collapse-aware”. My eyes are open to all the evidence, and I am not in denial. I can see the direction of travel for society, and the planet. It’s not good.
Being “collapse aware” is more than just having a handle on the climate crisis, our society has a lot of moving parts, and none of them seem well- oiled at the moment. From the pandemic, to the cost of living crisis, to the war in Ukraine, it feels like everything is in some sort of death spiral, but looming largest over all of it, is our rapidly warming planet.
Wildfires – so many wildfires. Expect to see even more this year
There are some really scary predictions out there, from reputable scientists, if you can be bothered to seek them out. The end of civilisation? The extinction of all human life? All by the end of the century? Yes, I have read predictions that state each of those things as extremely possible, if we don’t take urgent action immediately.
The water is rising too, so expect more flooding
We are not going to take urgent action. If we were going to do that, we would have done it by now. We have known about global warming, and climate change, for many decades, and yet we have done nothing of substance to address them. We have prioritised short term profits, over long term sustainability. We won’t stop until we have extracted every last drop of fossil fuel from the planet, unless our extinction comes first. It probably will.
All this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to stop it. So get out and protest!!
Maybe you’ve seen the Adam McKay film, “Don’t Look Up” on Netflix. If you haven’t, I highly recommend it. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but the meteor in the movie, is a metaphor for climate change. And by the time the public finally looks up, and really sees the impending doom approaching, it is already too late. This is where we are now.
I wish I could offer you more hope, but we are well past that point now. Even with the will, and determination to turn things around, it still is probably already too late. We lack the will, and determination, we’re hardly even paying attention, as we sleepwalk towards extinction. There may be no genuine hope, but there is plenty of “hopium”.
One of the cornerstones of our plan to prevent the climate apocalypse is something called carbon capture. It doesn’t actually exist at scale yet, but much of our hopium is based on imaginary technology, and future discoveries. Sure, it might actually work, but it hasn’t so far, and many are convinced it never will.
Many climate scientists are depressed, and despairing, it’s not just me. People far more knowledgeable than myself, are doomers too. We can’t help it, our eyes are wide open, and we can’t ignore it any longer. Even if we take the most urgent actions imaginable, it may already be too late. Open your eyes, you’ll see it too, even though I know you would prefer not to see it. Once you’re collapse aware, it’s hard to see anything else.
Doug – the northlondonhippy is a writer, and journalist (lapsed), with over 30 years of experience in the media. He spent the 2nd half his career as a duty editor for BBC News, before that he worked for AP, and Reuters, but he got his start in the industry at MTV – Music Television in NYC, in the mid 80s. He is also the author of “Personal Use by the northlondonhippy”. Doug tweets as @nthlondonhippy
The truth is these sweets contained absolutely no genuine cannabis, but instead a cheaper, very dangerous synthetic cannabinoid, most likely something called JWH-018, known on the street as “Spice”. Its nasty stuff, manufactured in a lab. The effects are nothing like real cannabis, but it binds to the same receptors in the brain. Also, unlike genuine cannabis, JWH-018 is toxic. Natural cannabis isn’t toxic at all, weed is actually safer than aspirin.
As I said, these two stories have two things in common and the first is by far the most ironic. While the headlines screamed “cannabis!”, in fact, no actual cannabis was involved in either incident. The young girl who was searched, was not found to be in possession of anything. And the sweets that poisoned that woman, contained zero natural cannabis.
The other thing that both of these cannabis stories have in common, besides the lack of actual cannabis, is that they were enabled, and driven, by our foolish prohibition of cannabis.
Prohibition is at the root of most of the supposed harms caused by natural cannabis, the most significant of those harms being an encounter with law enforcement. And as the strip search of that young girl demonstrates, you don’t even need to have any cannabis, for our silly cannabis laws, and prohibition to leave their mark on you.
The UK doesn’t have a regulated, or legal market for adult use, we mainly only have the black market, and it mostly doesn’t care about safety, only profit. Actual cannabis edibles are available here, but it is nearly impossible to tell the difference between them, and the dodgy ones made with Spice. Unless you’ve made them yourself, there is no way to be certain, and buying them from the black market, will always be a risk, until we do the right thing.
We could dial that risk down to zero, by legalising cannabis here. The idea is popular with the public, It would be even more popular, if the media told the truth, but cannabis has been the target of what I call the original disinformation campaign, and one-hundred plus years of lies, continue to be reported as fact. Don’t believe me? Then why have so many other places legalised it already? The science is settled, unless you wilfully ignore the truth.
A cannabis leaf, with shadow
The United Kingdom legalised cannabis for medicinal use via private prescription in 2018. Currently, around 15,000 people are legally accessing cannabis products. A prescription is expensive, the process is complicated, and the products vary in quality, while their availability remains inconsistent. That’s why millions of domestic medicinal users still source their cannabis from the black market, myself included.
Germany recently voted to legalise, they’re doing it to ensure a safe supply for their population after an adulterant scare. And in America, 37 of the 50 states have extensive medicinal programmes, and 18 states have legalised adult use. The United Kingdom is being left behind in one of the fastest growing industries in the world. We could all have safer products, while the Treasury benefitted from VAT on sales. Currently, our extensive illegal cannabis market remains untaxed, and unregulated.
How many more people have to be mistreated by the police, or die from dangerous imitation products, before our leaders act? Prohibition is a failure, they all know it, yet they continue on the same path. Change here is long overdue.
I have used cannabis daily, and medicinally, for over 40 years, I have benefitted from it enormously throughout my adult life. I’m willing to go anywhere, speak to anyone, to help make this change happen. Will you join me? We need all the help we can get.
Doug – the northlondonhippy is a writer, and journalist (lapsed), who has been writing about drugs, and drug use, specifically his own, for nearly20 years. He is a self-described “cannabis evangelist”. During his 30+ years in the media, Doug has worked for BBC News, Reuters, AP, and MTV Music Television. Doug is a full time hippy now. He tweets as @nthlondonhippy
I feel like screaming this at the Brexiteers who continue to hurl abuse at people on the left. They are suffering from a brand new thing, that I have dubbed SWS, which stands for Sore Winner Syndrome.
It’s like the home team beat the away team at football, but all the home team fans jumped on the away team’s bus, just to continue the abuse all the way back their hometown. Not cool. If I won something, I would be happy. The winners of our recent election, don’t seem happy at all.
Seriously, you guys won. Get over it!
You get your Brexit, you get a toxic, incompetent government, with more cruelty, and more austerity. What more could you want?
You own Brexit now. You own the next 5 years of this parliament, enjoy it. You’ve got no one else to blame. You won. We lost. Get. Over. It. Don’t be sore winners. It’s unbecoming of your massive victory.
It already feels like a 100 years ago, when we went to the polls last month and handed Boris Johnson this huge majority.
Well, I say “we”, but there were a lot of us who didn’t vote for Boris’s Tory Party and we are all still here. Fun fact: more of us voted for remain-leaning parties than leave-leaning parties. And how did that work out for us? We still lost. Fragmentation of the remain vote, like life, is a bitch.
The Tories only increased their vote share by 1% nationally, yet they won tons of seats. They seemed to get just the right amount of votes, in just the right places. It’s almost as if someone was showing off, just how skilled they are at voter manipulation, by demonstrating the economy of their abilities.
Voter manipulation is easier than everyone thinks, because no one thinks it works on them. Guess what, like any repetitive advertising, it is extremely effective.
Here, you can take my super-fun, three question quiz:
1) What kind of chicken is “finger lickin’ good”?
2) What do Weebles do?
3) What is the “real thing”?
Answers: 1) KFC, 2) they wobble but they don’t fall down, and 3) Coca Cola. I bet you knew all three answers, as any good consumer would. Advertising works!
I grew up in front of the television, advertising certainly worked on me. Brand new kids cereal, gimme! Brand new toys, gimme, gimme. Vote against my own interests as an adult? Why not! You can be easily swayed. We all can.
Anyway, that’s my theory. I suspect the same tools used by Cambridge Analytica to deliver the Brexit referendum result, have only been refined and improved to the point where an increase of 1% vote share, in just the right constituencies, is achievable through machine learning, AI and a whopping great big data set.
And the far right are employing these tools all over the world. If the left has any hope of ever getting anything done, they need their own dodgy dark tool box. It’s not hacking, it’s voodoo, it’s data science and algorithms, and a Facebook advertising platform that allows micro-targeting at such a granular level that you can literally flip votes as needed.
One of the saddest things I kept hearing from the campaign trail, is the repeated refrain that former Labour voters switched to the Tories because they felt the country needed a change from Labour. Huh? Labour haven’t been in charge of the government for 10 years, so what exactly were they changing from? Instead they voted Tory, the party that has been in government for the last 10 years, but they are expecting a different outcome. Mr. Einstein, what was it everyone says you said again, about insanity?
Look, I get it, we lost. Remain lost, Labour and the LibDems lost. We are leaving the EU at the end of this month, no ifs, ands or buts. And probably a year after that, we will get that hard, no-deal Brexit that Boris is so keen on, as the transition period won’t be extended. There is no chance of a comprehensive trade deal in a year. Shall we stockpile supplies for a third time? Oh we shall, we shall!
None of this matters. The Great British public doesn’t care about the truth or reality any more. Boris will lie and tell us that everything is fine, and a large number of people will believe it. Lies are comforting in an uncomfortable world. Trump knows this too. Don’t like reality? Then create your own twisted version of it instead.
For example, Boris has banned the word Brexit after the end of the month. Brexit will be nowhere near finished, but if he eliminates the word, he eliminates the problem. He’s like Thanos with the Reality Stone. Reality can be whatever he wants it to be. Yay!
Who will the Tories blame when the economy tanks? I guess they will just tell us it’s all Jeremy Corbyn’s fault, for not losing hard enough. If Corbyn was a better loser, we wouldn’t be having all these problems. Stupid Corbyn!
Here are some random observations from the now dearly departed, Politi-hippy:
I was right about the branding of Jo Swinson’s Liberal Democrats, their messaging was way off the mark. They performed worse than even I expected. And I certainly didn’t predict Ms. Swinson’s loss. Rather bizarrely, LibDem MP and current peer, Lynn Featherstone, liked and retweeted this piece, which was highly critical of her party. I’m guessing she didn’t read it, but if she did and still retweeted it, then wow. Just wow.
I was wrong about tactical voting. I had hoped it would save us. It didn’t. We still lost. We could have toppled Tories, but we didn’t.
Labour had so many problems, that I could write a series of books based on them all. I won’t, plenty of other people will do a better job than I ever could. The biggest issue to me, was the lack of unity within the party that was publicly revealed within minutes of the result. The split, between the centre and left wings of the party, will probably kill off Labour in the long term. They are a spent force, just check out the cavalcade of mediocrity trying to become leader. It looks and feels hopeless for them.
A small selection of shitposts
During the campaign, I made a shit-ton of shitty graphics and shit-posted them on Twitter. I briefly increased my reach on Twitter as a result. I went from being an absolute total nobody, to a just plain old total nobody, but in spectacular fashion.
Here’s an overview of my a normal hippy month on Twitter, from last April. Remember, I suck at Twitter.
As you can see, I sent a whopping 60 tweets for a measly 13,000 impressions.
Here’s another typical hippy month on Twitter, from October. Slightly better but still not rocking anyone’s world.
This time, 98 tweets, for nearly 30,000 impressions. Still not setting the world on fire, not by a long shot. And look, I actually lost followers.
And then, witness the birth of politi-hippy. For around a month during the election campaign, I made a bit of an effort with original content in the form of the aforementioned shitposted graphics. Doing this improved my statistics significantly.
I sent a over 1,000 tweets, racking up around 700,000 impressions and I gained 40 new followers. While it is a big change for me, it’s still a drop in the bucket compared to anyone with name recognition and a decent follower count. I used hashtags, I tagged famous people, and I replied to tweets from well established accounts.
I had retweets and likes from a wide variety of notable people, including Glen Matlock, the original bass player for the Sex Pistols, and Bianca Jagger, the well known human rights campaigner and first wife of Mick. The Times columnist, India Knight, liked one of my graphics too.
Ultimately, none of this had an effect on anything, other than giving me a fun new hobby for a month. It did show me that getting anywhere on Twitter is a lot of work for very little reward.
Our side lost, my efforts online had zero effect, so politi-hippy is now crossing over to the great beyond. And with this final piece, indeed you are witnessing the slow death of politi-hippy.
I started out this campaign by asking how many children Boris Johnson has fathered. We still don’t know. Our Prime Minister is the Jonny Appleseed of jism, he is the human lawn sprinkler of spunk. He could have a hundred little blond, floppy-haired sons and daughters out there, for all we know, and no one would care. We now have a deadbeat dad in charge of the entire country. Cool.
I really expected Boris’s first bit of legislation passed by his new, giant majority, to be a ban on court mandated paternity tests, but no, they went for the Brexit withdrawal bill instead. Maybe that paternity test ban will be next? Who can say.
But from now on, I’m back to being the plain, old, normal version of the northlondonhippy. I want to reform the drug laws and get cannabis legalised. That’s my issue, that’s what I will campaign for, hard. I’ll leave the rest of real politics to the grown-ups, or for what passes for grown-ups in today’s world.
I was able to update one of my fun graphics, so it is valid for the next 5 years. This is the last official act of politi-hippy, before he draws his last breath. Sharing it is a public service. Enjoy!
The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, cannabis evangelist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years. In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in broadcast news. Soon, the hippy will be leaving journalism to embark on a career as a full time hippy, writer and activist. This is not a drill.
The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!
“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere.
The hippy says his next book, “High Hopes” will be published in late Spring. The hippy says a lot of things.
You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippybut only if you look really hard.
And, my fellow earthlings, I tried to convince everyone that we are all Citizens of Everywhere. It’s our only hope.
There’s not a lot to be optimistic about these days, but we can all distract ourselves from the mess we’re in. My distraction, ironically, is hope. Don’t lose hope, we can all help make things a little less miserable. This is my attempt to do just that.
I received my first Twitter ban today. I can still read tweets, but I can’t like them and I am not allowed to tweet for 12 hours. So don’t blame me if you don’t know what I had for lunch today.
It was a Chicken Caesar Salad. Now you know.
All I did was call Donald Trump a cunt. Even though I stand by my comment, which will be reproduced below, Twitter forced me to delete it. My knuckles feel well and truly rapped.
Bad hippy! Naughty hippy! You called the worst human being in the world, a bad, naughty word.
I’m not exaggerating, I really believe Trump is the worst person on the planet. Imagine having all that power, all that influence, a platform and pulpit do actual good, to, bring good into the world. And instead, you tweet this kind of bullshit:
This is not presidential.
The President or the United States is celebrating the burglary of a political opponent’s home. This is the state of America in 2019. It’s beyond satire, it is beyond a joke. Every tweet from this human cesspool sets a new low. He is a bottomless pit of toxicity and poison. He pollutes everything with his infantile rage tweets, a dozen times a day. Do they ever ban him? Do they, fuck! If anyone deserved to be stuck in Twitter’s penalty box, it’s Dumb Donny.
Elijah Cummings is a proper America hero. He has more decency in his little finger than the entire Trump dynasty, even if you went back 10 generations to the Drumfs. Don’t believe me? Wikipedia awaits.
For a serial liar, with more bankruptcies than successes in business, who has 5 kids from 3 wives, who grabs pussies and cheats at everything, who has besmirched and demeaned the the office of President more than Richard Nixon, to attack a man like Cummings, well it got my dander up.
I can’t imagine being gleeful over the the misfortune of another human being, even someone as vile as Trump. I will be gleeful when he is imprisoned, because he deserves it and it won’t be a misfortune. It will be justice. An orange jumpsuit for an orange moron.
Recently, I have been allowing myself the occasional reply to Trump’s tweets. Not because I think ol’ mushroom dick would see them, but for me. I have been expressing myself, via a pressure valve, namely a tweet. Thousands of people reply to his tweets and I can understand why. We all feel so small and helpless in the face of pure evil, we need to respond or it would eat us up inside. I like my insides uneaten, thank you very much.
Wanna see my tweet? The one that got me in trouble. The one I had to delete. Of course you do! Here it is:
Sometimes, decency requires indecent language
I didn’t say anything that was factually inaccurate. I didn’t say anything, I would not say to him in person, if given the chance. I used a naughty word. Ok, technically the naughtiest word, but no other word would do. No other word has that power, not to shock, but to convey rage. It’s the rage-iest. It was the right word, at the right time, for the right purpose.
I’m not sure what the threshold is for a Twitter ban. How many cry baby Trump supporting snowflakes had to report my tweet before I was banned? I don’t know, but it can’t be many, as I was banned within a couple of minutes of sending it.
This is what Twitter said about my tweet: “Your account has been locked for violating Twitter’s rules. Specifically for: Violating our rules against hateful conduct. You may not promote violence against, threaten or harass other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability or serious disease.”
I was framed and plead not guilty!
In what way did my tweet violate any of that? I did not promote violence, threaten or harass in any way. I did insult, but is being insulting against Twitter’s policy? Seems like it is. Unless, being a cunt is considered a disease or disability, I didn’t break their rules.
Clearly some Trump supporting infant didn’t like my naughty words, or they couldn’t cope with the truth, so they reported my tweet to Twitter. It’s not fair. Life is not fair. Whatever. I would do it again. I probably will do it again.
My ban finishes at 3am this morning. I am trying to stay awake till then, just so I can post a link to this piece on Twitter. Instead of one tweet, I’ve written 800 words. Thanks for the inspiration, dumbass. If you didn’t report my tweet, I wouldn’t have been motivated to write this today.
Oh and one last thing: #impeachtrump
The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, online cannabis activist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years. In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in news.
The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!
“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere.
You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy unless he gets banned again
A couple of weeks ago, I marked an interesting milestone in my life. I celebrated my 50/50 day.
I can already hear you asking, what is a 50/50 day? Please allow me to explain, as it is a concept of my own creation.
If you’ve read my book, “Personal Use” (getting the shameless plug in early), you will know that I wasn’t always a north London-based hippy, but I began my life on the east coast of the United States of America. I moved to London in the early 90s, when I was my late 20s. I’m mid-50s now.
My 50/50 day is a way I’ve determined to mark my dual nationality, as it is the day where I have lived exactly half of my life in each country. So the first 50% of my life was spent in the states, the 2nd half of my life has been spent in the United Kingdom.
As I know my birthday and the date I moved to the UK, it was fairly straightforward to work out the exact date of my 50/50 day. I simply used an online date calculator that easily counts the number of days between dates. It worked out that I have lived over 10,000 days in each country. Wow.
Ain’t math amazing? And clearly I have too much free time.
But what does it actually mean, to mark one’s 50/50 day? All immigrants must pass this milestone, if they live long enough, so what’s the big deal?
For me, it is a way of honouring my dual heritage and reflecting thoughtfully about it. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to have a good time.
My paternal grandparents were Scottish and they moved to America and that’s where my father was born. My mother’s parents started their lives in Italy, and also moved to America before my mother was born. Both of my parents were first generation American-born, I was second. And then I moved back to Europe. It’s the circle of life, but with jet travel.
So I am half British and all European by birth, but my first nationality is legally American. I hold two nationalities now, as I am now also British, but what does it all mean? Other than a date I can point to as a midpoint in my geographic life, I guess it doesn’t mean that much. I just thought it was a cool thing to work out.
I always like to say, I am an earthling first. It’s what we all are, we are all earthlings. We scurry around on the surface of the Earth, which makes us all earthlings. It’s the one thing we all have in common. It comes before your race, your nationality, and your gender. You are an earthling, most of all.
“Hey, do you live on earth? Me too! That’s a huge thing to have in common. Let’s be best friends!”
We are the sentient, indigenous inhabitants of this planet named after dirt. Envy us, as we may be the smartest things that exist in the universe. Or pity us, as we may be the smartest things that exist in the universe. We may be as good as it gets.
Some say claiming you are a citizen of the world is controversial. Wasn’t it Terrible Theresa May who said it makes you a “citizen of nowhere”? It was.
What Terrible Terri doesn’t understand, and will never understand is that we are all citizens of the world. We are all really Citizens of Everywhere. We all flit about on the surface of this planet and while we may remain behind artificially delineated borders, we all share common hopes and common dreams. There is more that unites us, than divides us, as they say, but we forget this simple basic truth, so easily.
Countries and borders are made up creations. We decided all this nonsense, to keep us apart, when the reality is that we are all Citizens of Everywhere. Who is to say where on the surface of the planet, we are allowed to exist? What if I want to stand over there for a while?
We all need to think in these terms, if we want to have any hope of the continuation of the human race. We desperately need to be Citizens of Everywhere.
That may sound hyperbolic, but it is not. We are rendering the planet uninhabitable and we may reach a point, in the not too distant future, where human life will not be sustainable on Earth any more.
I’m not going to lay out the case for climate change here. I accept it is happening and I believe the official estimates of the rate of change are extremely conservative. It’s much worse than the mainstream media wants to admit. It’s a climate crisis and no warning is dire enough. Though to be fair, I am seeing this view slowly creeping into the mainstream, it’s just not creeping in fast enough. Listen out for the words ‘climate crisis’, they are being used more frequently by the media.
Sometimes, I hang out on a subreddit called r/collapse. It is not happy reading, but everyone deserves the truth. You can check it out RIGHT HERE.
The pessimist in me believes it is already too late, that the damage has been done and there is nothing we can do to reverse our inevitable extinction. But the optimist in me still tries to find some hope. It’s not easy, in the face of the overwhelming evidence, but I try, anyway.
Here’s a clip from a fictional TV show, called The Newsroom, from 2014. At the time of broadcast, it was considered over the top, now it is seen as visionary. Please take 5 minutes to watch.
https://youtu.be/XM0uZ9mfOUI
Our denial over the impeding climate crisis is a bit like our denial of other existential threats in our lives. The easiest example of this, is our denial over death.
What do I mean?
I mean, we all know we are going to die. There is no cheating death, at least not yet. It is the only certainty. We can all expect to shuffle off our mortal coils, eventually. We don’t know when, we don’t know how, but we know one day, we will be gone. And somehow we put all of that out of minds and mostly live our lives with carefree abandon, day after day.
It’s the same with climate change. We put it out of our minds, we accept the gradual and dramatic changes, and we normalise them, quickly. It’s part of our in-built coping mechanism, it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. It’s how we get through every day. But our lack of attention to this detail, you know, that the entire planet is dying, only confirms our fate.
Ut oh.
I’ve been working as a journalist for 30 years, and I’ve been making the same joke in newsrooms for about as long. The joke is that I always hoped I would live long enough to be able to cover the end of the world. Funny, huh?
Now that I am confronted with the actual possibility (certainty?), I don’t seem to be laughing quite as much.
I don’t think the world is going to suddenly end, that’s not what I mean. The planet will still be here, but it will rapidly become inhospitable to almost all life. There may be some bacteria, or perhaps some of the extremophiles will survive, but you can say goodbye to all the plants and animals.
We’re animals, in case you need reminding, so that means bye-bye us.
Gosh, this started out being about me marking my dual nationality, and our global commonality, and somehow it lead me to the climate crisis.
Everything leads back to the climate crisis. It is the existential threat to all of our lives. And it might already be too late.
In that context, my 50/50 day, is pretty insignificant, but I marked it anyway. We all need distractions, even if it is a distraction from the end of the world.
Have a nice day!
PS – If you found any of this upsetting, you are not alone. Check out r/collapsesupport for help with coping. You are NOT alone. Whether we like it or not, we are all in this together.
The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, online cannabis activist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years. In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in the industry.
The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!
“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere.
You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy
If you fall down into a deep hole, there really is only one way out. Up.
Brexit is a bottomless pit of abject stupidity and depressing despair, but we have to assume at some point, we will slam into the very rock bottom. When we do, what will happen?
The only way out is up.
I wanted to get this prediction written down, on the extreme outside chance I am right. If I am, and that’s a big eff-ing if, then I will be seen as a genius of prognostication and you might even want to invite me to your next dinner party. But before I accept, do you have a special smoking area, for, you know, cool smoking? 😉
Here’s how I see things playing out over the next couple of months. I won’t put in any firm timings, beyond the one obvious one… As the law stands, right now, as I bash my keyboard and spew out my scenario, Britain will leave the EU, without a deal, on the 31st of October. Halloween.
Boo!
Did I scare you? You should be scared, because if we crash out on All Hallows’ Eve, it will not be a pretty picture. But I’m not here to debate or outline the calamity that would be a no-deal Brexit. I’m here to explain that unless something miraculous happens, this is the most likely outcome.
But don’t worry, I am also going to outline what that miraculous salvation could be. It might be our only hope. You can thank me later.
Again, as I write this, the Tory leadership contest is still ongoing, with both candidates trying to outdo each other in just how quickly and efficiently they can drive the UK over a cliff edge into a no-deal, must-have, do-or-die, bang -on-time, Brexit.
We live in Crazy Town, population, all of us. Please send help.
Unless a different miracle happens, we are headed for a government lead by Bumbling Boris Johnson. Or should it be Bungling Boris Johnson? How about bumbling on the first reference, bungling on the second? (Note to self, adopt this as hippy house-style from now on).
So Bumbling Boris will almost certainly be our next PM. All Boris has to do to facilitate a no-deal Brexit, is nothing. If he does absolutely nothing, the clock runs out and we leave the European Union, as the current law states at the end of October. We know, from his disastrous spell as Mayor of London, that Bungling Boris is extremely lazy. Doing sweet FA is his specialty. Remember his limp, late response to the riots in 2011? He can handle doing nothing. I bet he is doing nothing right now, this very second. And for this, his advisors are grateful.
But, but, but you say, parliament will bring down the government, if no-deal appears to be the likely outcome. I wouldn’t argue with this, I think that a no-confidence vote is very possible in this scenario. Likely even. And it may very well succeed. But that won’t solve our problems.
A no confidence vote will not solve our problems, because it leaves Bumbling, Bungling Boris, as caretaker Prime Minister. A dissolved parliament can’t force him to request an extension to Article 50, any more than a sitting parliament could. All he has to do is sit on his hands and run out the clock. But that’s not checkmate, not yet.
While an election would strengthen any request for an extension, it would still require a formal request to be made, by the PM, Boris. The EU would not unilaterally grant one, even for an election, without that formal request. If Befuddled Boris doesn’t write to Brussels, an election at this point won’t help. Please see the previous paragraph about Boris sitting on his hands.
Following a successful no-confidence vote, and before an election is called, opposition parties have a fortnight to form a new government with the Queen’s blessing. This is our only small glimmer of hope.
If the other parties could form some sort of government of national unity, they could do two very useful things.
The first is to revoke Article 50.
Sure, the government of national unity could request another extension, but at this point, I fear the EU would politely decline. Could you blame them? After watching this slow-moving car crash for over 3 years, it would make sense for the European Union to effectively tell us to shit or get off the pot.
That would make for a very stark, binary choice, leave without a deal and suffer all that comes with it, or revoke Article 50, sparing the country enormous pain, while alienating a large portion of the general public.
Decisions, decisions.
You might have noticed, I glossed over the whole government of national unity thing. At its heart, would have to be the Labour Party. Yes, the same Labour Party that currently doesn’t have a decisive remain policy. Let’s be honest, their stance on Brexit lacks any real clarity. They have tried to make it be all things, to all people and that strategy has failed.
Labour would be the largest party in this mythical coalition, but the other parties that would help form it, are are all firmly on the remain side, For this to work, for Jeremy Corbyn to be Prime Minister, Labour would have to also come out hard for remain. They would not have a choice. The alternative is that cliff edge, that they claim to want to avoid. This will be their chance to avoid it, once and for all.
A government of national unity, as the name suggests, puts country ahead of party, something our current parliament, and especially the Conservative Party seems to be unable to do. If this all plays out, as I am suggesting, the least worst outcome would be the revocation of Article 50.
And I have crunched the numbers, based on the current composition of parliament. Mathematics follow:
The Tories are a minority government, with 312 seats. The DUP prop them up with their 10 seats, as part of the confidence and supply agreement hammered out after our last election in 2017.
There are 650 seats in parliament, The speaker, plus the 3 deputy speakers, don’t vote. Sinn Fein don’t take their 7 seats, and there is currently one vacancy, so a full house right now is 638. Half of that is 319, a majority of 1 seat is 320. The Tories and the DUP combined, have 322. That’s the current magic number the Tories and the DUP can muster to vote, on a good day.
Labour currently have 247 seats. The next largest party is the SNP with 35 seats, followed by the Lib Dems with 12, Change UK with 5, Plaid Cymru with 4, and the Green Party with 1. Total here is 303, so we are still shy 17 more MP’s to join the fun and games.
There are 15 independent MPs, for the sake of simplicity, I am going to divide that number in half and round it up to 8. It could be less, it could be more, so I think 8 is a reasonable compromise figure. That brings our historic government of national unity up to 311 seats. We are still 12 shy of the magic number, 323, to have more more votes than the Tory/DUP combo.
Tories. We need Tories, less than a dozen of them. Maybe 10, maybe 12, without certainty, I will stick to 9. Based on rumour and voting records, I am banking on there being at least 9 principled Conservative MPs willing to join a government of national unity.
The Brecon and Radnorshire by-election is expected on the 1st of August. I’m not going to attempt to predict the outcome, especially since the pro- remain parties are cooperating. But this one seat, will probably be filled before my scenario will play out. So yes, my calculations are slightly fuzzy. Also, I am not a parliamentary scholar, I’m just some random British journalist and career stoner with too much time on my hands right now.
I am not saying any of this will be easy, or straightforward, but what I am saying is that it is possible. More than possible, but likely. And more than just likely, as I truly believe at this point, it is our one and only hope.
The second useful thing my imaginary government of national unity will do, will be to call another no confidence vote, to bring themselves down. Having done the only thing required of them, by cancelling Brexit and getting all of us out of this very deep hole, it would no longer need to exist and an election could be safely called.
Some MPs would be rewarded, and some would be punished in the next general election, but all of those who supported the government of national unity, will be looked upon by history most kindly, even if some people today, end up hating them.
I have no doubt that our next parliament, and our next government, will be unlike anything we’ve seen in living memory. The Brexit Party will get seats, neither the Tories nor Labour will have a majority, and the Lib Dems may become players again. Maybe the Greens will finally get more MPs. Anything is possible. And we could end up with another coalition government that lacks a big majority and its chief feature would be its inherent instability.
Whatever happens next, Brexit still needs to be dealt with, somehow. There is only one deal on offer, the same one that parliament has repeatedly rejected, the same one that the EU says will not be renegotiated under any circumstances. That deal is dead. And no deal would be a disaster. Our only hope is a government of national unity.
Or the apocalypse, but I am not convinced even the end of the world could end the endless stupidity that is Brexit.
We can’t lose hope. There’s only one way out of a hole. It’s up. And up is the positive direction. So let’s put the up in uplifting. We need a government of nationality unity that will exist for one purpose, to revoke Article 50. So let’s just do that.
The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, online cannabis activist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years. In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in the industry.
The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!
“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere.
You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy – follow him and receive a free gift*)
